I Know Nothing

I currently have a job. It is an okay job - not great, but I mean I am not scrapping human feces off of anything or trying to wrangle demonic pheasants so I suppose I don't have a lot I could complain about.

The main issue with my job is that it has an expiry date. I am currently on a contract. These contracts cannot have more then 90 days in one calender year. I run out of days on June 19th. So by June 19th, I need to figure out what the hell I am supposed to do with my life, or at the very least, what the hell I am going to do to make enough money to pay my mortgage. Way to go on the whole buying a house thing without a solid job Tanya... you really thought that one through. Oh well, at least my house is fun.

I briefly looking into writing jobs, like a freelance position I could do from home. The thing about that is, the people who hire freelance writers always want people who are knowledgeable in stuff. I am knowledgeable about nothing. Except maybe Cheese Pizza. Is there a website out there who needs to know about the various ratings of cheese pizzas in the Ottawa region? Because I could whip that up for you in a hurry.

I was trying so hard to think about what I know about, so here is a list of things that I am probably qualified to talk about:

• Cheese Pizza in Ottawa and its surrounding regions


• Having and ignoring various illnesses/medical conditions


• Skip Bo (the card game)


• Acceptable times to wear sweatpants (spoiler alert, its always)


• Wanting to be something that you will probably never achieve


• Being bad at spelling


• wishing you lived in tv shows.

I think the only thing I could possible ever be paid to write about, would be TV. I love TV. But I suppose I don't watch enough TV, or any of the "fancy" tv shows that are all up in the critical business.

I will start reviewing TV shows and then maybe someone will be generous enough to just throw money at me while I do it. Wouldn't that just be great?

I could review the crap out of New Girl. I am fan-girl cuh-razy about that business. I will next week. I literally watch each episode at the bare minimum 3 times. It is probably pathetic, but I don't even care. I also watch a lot of Community, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, the Office, and other shows that are guilty pleasures.

Should I start reviewing stuff? Would that be a useful purpose for this mess of a blog? I know I haven't blogged much lately, but I have a legitimate excuse: I had literally nothing to say. At least nothing that I need the internet to know.... My life is not that interesting unfortunately... and I promised to not turn this into the Winston the puppy show. Although who are we kidding, that would sell better than anything because who can resist that dog? Cutest ever.

Anyways, I am going to go. I haven't drawn you a picture in a while... but that isn't going to change today because its almost Community/Big Bang time. Everyone go watch community immediately to bring up ratings so we can have a fifth season without Pierce!

Unhealthy, Robotic Attachment

So, as a robot I have a semi-challenging time with regular human interactions. This may sound crazy because well, I am technically human but I think my brain operates mostly as a half-broken robot. So simple things like making friends, small talk, maintaining friendships are very challenging and mostly just don't happen. This is why they invented the internet...So I don't have to do that crap right?

Well, another side effect of my weird robotic brain, is that I apparently feel unnatural connections to TV characters. Perhaps because they come to me through a screen and don't actually expect me to interact with them, but I get to be privy to all their secrets, but I think its mostly because I am obviously a nut.

So last night, I was watching one of my very favorite TV shows: New Girl. This show is just the greatest. It is I believe tied for 1st in the rankings of favorite TV shows that are currently airing. Its just so good. I am sort of convinced that one of the main characters may be loosely based on me - but thats not a good thing because he is kind of crazy. But I mostly just love him anyways. For those of you who are crazy and aren't enjoying this excellent 30 minutes of quality comedy each week, you can just imagine I am talking about a show you know.

This week, (stop reading if you haven't watched the show yet and immediately go watch it) my little robo-heart almost stopped several times. I cannot even comprehend so much emotion in my day to day life as I felt in those 30 minutes. (Don't get me wrong I do HAVE feelings, I just cannot express them in sufficiently human ways. Kind of like a Vulcan. But my ears are not pointy I swear.) Now, to those who watch new girl, it was crazy right? Best episode ever right? To those who don't, I am getting to the point (no there's not really a point, are you new here? Give up that delusion now.)

Anyways, what I am trying to express is that after the episode ended and my little fan-girl robo-heart began to pump the oil through my pipes again I kind of just felt embarrassed. I know there are lots of girls everywhere freaking out adn tweeting and tumblr-ing and all, problem is, I am twenty four years old. And then as soon as that embarrassment crossed my mind I just laughed adn said, I don't give two shits if I am twenty four, I am not a regular twenty four year old. For my birthday this year, I received a 2.5 foot tall Batman Action Figure - from my grandparents. I do not follow normal social progressions apparently. I have tried in the past, but that is too boring.

So this is basically just a rambling bunch of words to express that I don't care if you think I am crazy, but I am going to be excited that the people in my show kissed. It wasn't even just that they kissed, they KISSED. Like, destroyed all other TV kisses instantly in my mind and has replaced even Ross and Rachel's big kisses (They had many because, well, they are Ross and Rachel - I still love them though.) It was so well done and so different and so awesomely surprising. I guess everyone else in teh world knew it was going to happen, but there was only like 50 seconds left in the show and SHABAM most important plot twist EVER. I feel bad for anyone whose PVR cut it off. I would have died. Although I watched it live.... and may have rewatched it when I got home.

Point being (how many times can I say that in one post before you give up on me and realize there is never going to be a point?) I am a nerd. I am a nerd who loves things. I love TV shows, I love movies, I love comic books, I love novels, I love so many other things and I intend to do so unapologetically.

I think I might love TV most of all. Me and TV have a very in depth relationship. I really wish sometimes that I could move to LA and write for TV shows. I don't know how one could go do that, but i bet they need more then a sick obsession and a psych degree. Unless I was writing for Doctor Phil. I bet I am more qualified to dole out advice then that guy. Probably not, I think he was once a doctor... now he just says random hilbillie mad libs and people believe him.

Here's how you give doctor Phil style advice:

You need to get your ____(adjective)____, ___(adjective)____, __(body part)___, out the ___(place you would find on a farm)____ before the ___(adjective)____ ____(barn yard animal)___ takes/gives/steals your ____(something possessed by those with self esteem ex: confidence, dignity etc...)______!

But, moral of the story is: I like TV, especially New Girl. I would like to go meet the cast and congratulate them for being the most relatable (apparently this isnt a word but I am too tired to think of a better one) show on TV. I can relate to any of the characters at any given moment. I love them all. It is such a well rounded cast and I hope it lasts for many many years and succeeds very well.

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