Too much TV

So the religious channel started playing Gilmore Girls. I am pretty pumped. Except every time Luke yells "god dammit" they cut it out. Only the god part though. It's pretty funny.

I really need to remember to buy the seasons of this show next time I see them on sale. Sometimes they are at Walmart for 10$ each. however there's like 7 or 8 seasons and I am so stingy. There are too many shows I want on DVD.

I need to start working on things. But I am so lazy. Dave and I cleaned today so our living room and kitchen look nice. However when we clean the living room my office gets 100 times more messy. All the things from the coffee table have to go somewhere.

This new Lysol version of febreeze concerns me. Their commercial has the couch turning into a giant pile of garbage. Why would your couch smell like trash? I mean, my couch doesn't smell great. It smells like dogs in all honesty. But people without dogs, why does your couch smell like trash? I guess if you spill things on it it will eventually stink, but the commercial is really irritating.

I should stop watching TV, all I do is get all upset and annoyed by the commercials.

Too much TV

So the religious channel started playing Gilmore Girls. I am pretty pumped. Except every time Luke yells "god dammit" they cut it out. Only the god part though. It's pretty funny.

I really need to remember to buy the seasons of this show next time I see them on sale. Sometimes they are at Walmart for 10$ each. however there's like 7 or 8 seasons and I am so stingy. There are too many shows I want on DVD.

I need to start working on things. But I am so lazy. Dave and I cleaned today so our living room and kitchen look nice. However when we clean the living room my office gets 100 times more messy. All the things from the coffee table have to go somewhere.

This new Lysol version of febreeze concerns me. Their commercial has the couch turning into a giant pile of garbage. Why would your couch smell like trash? I mean, my couch doesn't smell great. It smells like dogs in all honesty. But people without dogs, why does your couch smell like trash? I guess if you spill things on it it will eventually stink, but the commercial is really irritating.

I should stop watching TV, all I do is get all upset and annoyed by the commercials.

Thunderstorm bears and Zantac

So my best friend either slept through our lunch date, or she was mauled by thunder storm bears before she was able to text me, therefore leaving me alone with my thoughts. We all know how terrible of an idea that is. Good job Crystal. you are to balme for the following.

My lunch was not as good as I expected. Usually left over goolash (a complex recipe of cheese, macaroni and tomato "sauce". The quotes are there because my family uses Tomato soup and sugar and I know its weird and embarrassing so shut up and stop judging us. It tastes good okay!) Anyways, usually left over Goolash is amazing and even better then the first time, but I think its because I ate too fast its hurting my tummy. Zantac to the rescue! I feel like I need an endorsement deal for Zantac. I could totally do it, Watch:

*fade in, woman sitting at desk typing on computer and eating her lunch at the same time. Computer features complex colour coded chart. Woman is shoving food quickly into her mouth.*

voice over man with unbelievably low voice: "Are you often busy? Do you have to multi task? Do you not even get to look at your lunch while you eat because you have to focus on the screen? Does eating this fast hurt your stomach?"

Woman at desk: *turns to camera with mouthful of pizza and other hand on blackberry while her legs have a medicine ball in between them that she is lifting* she nods.

VOMWULV: "Have you ever tried Zantac?"

WAD: *tilts head to the side and furrows brow*

VOMWULV: "Zantac is for all those people too impatient to eat at a normal rate, or those who refuse to believe that heartburn is a sign of imminent and quickly approaching death. Do you often feel sick after eating your fast and convenient foods? Do you often feel as though a small baboon is trying to jump out of your stomach? Then Zantac is just the pill for you! One small pill after eating will let you continue to do the following:

•  Eat excessive quantities of unhealthy food
• Trick your body into believing it can handle McDonald's
• Stop excessive and embarrassing gas when you share a cubicle
• allow you to get back to acting as though your irrelevant job is the most important in all the land

Pick up a pack of Zantac today!"

Really fast talking guy talking as woman at desk has a montage of smiling while eating gross food: "Zantac may or may not cause you to be better at your job, but only if you aren't a lazy asshole who is normally using stomach problems as an excuse not to work. Zantac cannot be held responsible for any firings related to faking acid reflux. Zantac is capable of curing all major diseases as it is made of unicorn tears  however you must believe in magic for this to be true. And you can't just say you believe in magic, you legitimately must believe in magic. Zantac is not liable should it not cure your disease because unicorn tears are very tricky and know what you believe more so than yourself, also in some quality control tests the unicorns used were found to be obese ponies which stole the horns of a narwhal. The Narwhal carcasses were found in the dumpster and were in no way manufactured into any Zantac product. We swear. Zanatc may cause one or all of the following symptoms, shortening of the left leg, lengthening of the right ear lobe, excessive babbling, enhanced hearing capabilities, decreased listening capabilities, lowered capacity to care about your job, increased abilities to lie, and above all it will cure your indigestion. Please enjoy responsibly."

*fade out on image of woman holding a box of Zantac and a slice of pizza with a taco and chicken wing on top of it.*

And guess who just made the best commercial EVER.

Your welcome Zantac. You should pay me. If I see this shit on TV I will sue.  But should you want to pay me to advertise or create lovely ads for your glorious magic pill, send me an email!

PS: Crystal, do you see what happens when you ignore me all morning? I am forced to make ridiculous commercials ALL ALONE. You could have helped me with this and then you can share my lucrative indigestion medicine. I could be the spokeswoman for indigestion. I am probably the only person whose weird enough to get ulcers at 15 and instead of getting medication renewed just ignore it. I treat you well stomach lining. we get along just fine.

PPS: I hope no thunder storm bears got you. That would be rough, they can be pretty pushy sometimes.

PPPS: I am running out of posits on my open pack and I don't really want to open a new one but I guess I have to because this is business... too bad they are the shitty no-name post its.




They can be so pushy with their helpful magical umbrellas that always cover you perfectly even when held crooked. (See how I Covered my drawing mistake there, I am so clever)



Who doesn't want to eat a chicken wing-taco pizza. Although I guess it would need to be a  boneless wing or tragedy would strike the set of my Zantac commercial and they wouldn't invite me back for at least 6 months out of respect to the actresses family, and then when I do come back her family will protest outside my set causing a lot of noise disruption, so much so that eventually Zantac will let me go and I will move under a bridge in embarrassment. If only I can thought of the boneless wings before its too late. Oh, I guess it isn't too late yet. Well I just saved you life Zantac actress, you owe me one Pug.



Off I go to dig up some Zantac! This ad convinced me it will cure me from all possible issues!

Thunderstorm bears and Zantac

So my best friend either slept through our lunch date, or she was mauled by thunder storm bears before she was able to text me, therefore leaving me alone with my thoughts. We all know how terrible of an idea that is. Good job Crystal. you are to balme for the following.

My lunch was not as good as I expected. Usually left over goolash (a complex recipe of cheese, macaroni and tomato "sauce". The quotes are there because my family uses Tomato soup and sugar and I know its weird and embarrassing so shut up and stop judging us. It tastes good okay!) Anyways, usually left over Goolash is amazing and even better then the first time, but I think its because I ate too fast its hurting my tummy. Zantac to the rescue! I feel like I need an endorsement deal for Zantac. I could totally do it, Watch:

*fade in, woman sitting at desk typing on computer and eating her lunch at the same time. Computer features complex colour coded chart. Woman is shoving food quickly into her mouth.*

voice over man with unbelievably low voice: "Are you often busy? Do you have to multi task? Do you not even get to look at your lunch while you eat because you have to focus on the screen? Does eating this fast hurt your stomach?"

Woman at desk: *turns to camera with mouthful of pizza and other hand on blackberry while her legs have a medicine ball in between them that she is lifting* she nods.

VOMWULV: "Have you ever tried Zantac?"

WAD: *tilts head to the side and furrows brow*

VOMWULV: "Zantac is for all those people too impatient to eat at a normal rate, or those who refuse to believe that heartburn is a sign of imminent and quickly approaching death. Do you often feel sick after eating your fast and convenient foods? Do you often feel as though a small baboon is trying to jump out of your stomach? Then Zantac is just the pill for you! One small pill after eating will let you continue to do the following:

•  Eat excessive quantities of unhealthy food
• Trick your body into believing it can handle McDonald's
• Stop excessive and embarrassing gas when you share a cubicle
• allow you to get back to acting as though your irrelevant job is the most important in all the land

Pick up a pack of Zantac today!"

Really fast talking guy talking as woman at desk has a montage of smiling while eating gross food: "Zantac may or may not cause you to be better at your job, but only if you aren't a lazy asshole who is normally using stomach problems as an excuse not to work. Zantac cannot be held responsible for any firings related to faking acid reflux. Zantac is capable of curing all major diseases as it is made of unicorn tears  however you must believe in magic for this to be true. And you can't just say you believe in magic, you legitimately must believe in magic. Zantac is not liable should it not cure your disease because unicorn tears are very tricky and know what you believe more so than yourself, also in some quality control tests the unicorns used were found to be obese ponies which stole the horns of a narwhal. The Narwhal carcasses were found in the dumpster and were in no way manufactured into any Zantac product. We swear. Zanatc may cause one or all of the following symptoms, shortening of the left leg, lengthening of the right ear lobe, excessive babbling, enhanced hearing capabilities, decreased listening capabilities, lowered capacity to care about your job, increased abilities to lie, and above all it will cure your indigestion. Please enjoy responsibly."

*fade out on image of woman holding a box of Zantac and a slice of pizza with a taco and chicken wing on top of it.*

And guess who just made the best commercial EVER.

Your welcome Zantac. You should pay me. If I see this shit on TV I will sue.  But should you want to pay me to advertise or create lovely ads for your glorious magic pill, send me an email!

PS: Crystal, do you see what happens when you ignore me all morning? I am forced to make ridiculous commercials ALL ALONE. You could have helped me with this and then you can share my lucrative indigestion medicine. I could be the spokeswoman for indigestion. I am probably the only person whose weird enough to get ulcers at 15 and instead of getting medication renewed just ignore it. I treat you well stomach lining. we get along just fine.

PPS: I hope no thunder storm bears got you. That would be rough, they can be pretty pushy sometimes.

PPPS: I am running out of posits on my open pack and I don't really want to open a new one but I guess I have to because this is business... too bad they are the shitty no-name post its.




They can be so pushy with their helpful magical umbrellas that always cover you perfectly even when held crooked.
(See how I Covered my drawing mistake there, I am so clever)



Who doesn't want to eat a chicken wing-taco pizza. Although I guess it would need to be a  boneless wing or tragedy would strike the set of my Zantac commercial and they wouldn't invite me back for at least 6 months out of respect to the actresses family, and then when I do come back her family will protest outside my set causing a lot of noise disruption, so much so that eventually Zantac will let me go and I will move under a bridge in embarrassment. If only I can thought of the boneless wings before its too late. Oh, I guess it isn't too late yet. Well I just saved you life Zantac actress, you owe me one Pug.



Off I go to dig up some Zantac! This ad convinced me it will cure me from all possible issues!

Perfume

Why are perfume ads so ridiculous?

Why are they always naked - or as close to naked as possible. I even heard it in an interview with some celebrity,  I don't remember who, who started a perfume and I think Ellen was confused by the ad and the person (Maybe Kate Walsh but I am not sure) said something of how the perfume people like having a lot of skin visible. Why? When I see skin it doesn't make me think they smell good? Also, as a woman, I would think that women's perfume would be what was targeted to me. I have no desires to look at a naked lady on the box of my perfume. That doesn't make me want to smell like anything.

If I see mostly naked JLo on an ad for perfume, it in no way makes me want her perfume, but in every way make me hate JLo for looking so amazing after having two kids. I haven't even had one kid and my ass will never look that good.

I just want to know where perfume companies thought up this idea. Is it some clever ploy created by the men in suits running the company?Are they in cahoots with the male photographers who want a chance to see some celebrity booty at work?

Here are some examples:


I mean, just... yeah. At least she has Captain America?



Yes, here is that they told her "You will get to use this solid bottle to preserve your decency, AND GO!"



She may be clothed, but she isn't lying like that because its comfortable.



Really? Not even a giant bottle to hide behind...

 


...



Of course, I often wear perfume when I am lying in the surf of the ocean.  It is important for the sharks to know your fancy before they eat your left foot.




Photographer: "Here's the deal, we don't really want to even see your face. We just need your skin to be visible as much as possible without it being in playboy. Okay? Perfect."




Nothing like a good ol' side boob







Like really now, why even bother wearing the coat. Clearly it is too warm out for this heavy of a jacket. Models are always so overdressed.





This one is extra funny because Keira Knightly spoke out about it. She said something about how she hates this ad because they photoshopped her in some boobs. They hired her knowing that she was flat as an eight year old but the photographer was all, "No we will use this hat to disguise the front and then I will add shadows to make it look as though she hit puberty!" Poor Keira.

Anyways, that's enough on my rant of perfume ads.

I just don't understand how naked Keira Knightly is supposed to make me want to smell of Chanel. I am sure the subliminal messages are working away at my brain. I do feel the strange urge to wear hats and bottles as clothing... I don't think that my brain is normal enough for advertising to work properly on me.

Perfume

Why are perfume ads so ridiculous?

Why are they always naked - or as close to naked as possible. I even heard it in an interview with some celebrity,  I don't remember who, who started a perfume and I think Ellen was confused by the ad and the person (Maybe Kate Walsh but I am not sure) said something of how the perfume people like having a lot of skin visible. Why? When I see skin it doesn't make me think they smell good? Also, as a woman, I would think that women's perfume would be what was targeted to me. I have no desires to look at a naked lady on the box of my perfume. That doesn't make me want to smell like anything.

If I see mostly naked JLo on an ad for perfume, it in no way makes me want her perfume, but in every way make me hate JLo for looking so amazing after having two kids. I haven't even had one kid and my ass will never look that good.

I just want to know where perfume companies thought up this idea. Is it some clever ploy created by the men in suits running the company?Are they in cahoots with the male photographers who want a chance to see some celebrity booty at work?

Here are some examples:


I mean, just... yeah.
At least she has Captain America?



Yes, here is that they told her "You will get to use this solid bottle to preserve your decency, AND GO!"



She may be clothed, but she isn't lying like that because its
comfortable.



Really? Not even a giant bottle to hide behind...

 


...



Of course, I often wear perfume when I am lying in the surf of the ocean.
 It is important for the sharks to know your fancy before they eat your left foot.




Photographer: "Here's the deal, we don't really want to even see your face.
We just need your skin to be visible as much as possible without it being in playboy.
Okay? Perfect."




Nothing like a good ol' side boob







Like really now, why even bother wearing the coat.
Clearly it is too warm out for this heavy of a jacket.

Models are always so overdressed.





This one is extra funny because Keira Knightly spoke out about it.
She said something about how she hates this ad because they photoshopped her in some boobs.
They hired her knowing that she was flat as an eight year old but the photographer was all,
"No we will use this hat to disguise the front and then I will add shadows to make it look as though
she hit puberty!"
Poor Keira.

Anyways, that's enough on my rant of perfume ads.

I just don't understand how naked Keira Knightly is supposed to make me want to smell of Chanel. I am sure the subliminal messages are working away at my brain. I do feel the strange urge to wear hats and bottles as clothing... I don't think that my brain is normal enough for advertising to work properly on me.

Advertising and Cows

Why do commercials always use such advanced and unrealistic fake computers? Do they think it makes them look like Iron Man? Because I'm 100% sure dentists don't have those kinds of computers to research toothbrushes. Or this online poker game commercial staring this Russian Vin Diesel looking guy - he for sure doesn't own a computer like this. Oh maybe he is french, and some kind of Rockette. He just did a very impressive high kick. So perhaps he does have that fancy computer. He is perhaps the French/Russian James Bond.

But to the dentists, I know you don't have those fancy computers. They don't exist I am pretty sure (unless your Russian/French James Bond). If they do, I want one.

Its only 8am, I have only been here for an hour and I am already bored.

The other day Dave drove to the Macs and as I sat in the car waiting for him to buy some canned energy, I saw the milk advertisement that featured a large picture of a cow. Now, I happen to like cows. I had a pet cow once, but I don't want to talk about that. I think cows are pretty cute in general. The Cow in this picture, I will henceforth name him Stewart, had the worse hair in the world.

Then I began to wonder to myself, was he having a bad hair day? Do all cows have this ridiculous of hair? I don't remember ever seeing a cow with hair before, is Stewart just an extra classy cow? Do cows ever get jealous of horses hair? and s one until Dave came back with his energy drink.

I just tried to find the ad and failed, but I did find some other lovely pictures to share.



This is like, the Cow version of Justin Beiber or that kid from the directions boy band



He has fancy highlights so he is clearly extra fancy.



Someone needs an ear hair trimmer.




This cow is clearly wearing a toupee. I mean, I don't know who this cow thinks he is kidding, but that is clearly not his hair. He is clearly my favourite and I shall name him Maurice.

 So apparently cows have hair. And it almost always looks ridiculous. Just another reason to love cows, and the advertisements I see that make me google things like "cows with bad hair". (Yes I promise that is what I googled to find these).

Advertising and Cows

Why do commercials always use such advanced and unrealistic fake computers? Do they think it makes them look like Iron Man? Because I'm 100% sure dentists don't have those kinds of computers to research toothbrushes. Or this online poker game commercial staring this Russian Vin Diesel looking guy - he for sure doesn't own a computer like this. Oh maybe he is french, and some kind of Rockette. He just did a very impressive high kick. So perhaps he does have that fancy computer. He is perhaps the French/Russian James Bond.

But to the dentists, I know you don't have those fancy computers. They don't exist I am pretty sure (unless your Russian/French James Bond). If they do, I want one.

Its only 8am, I have only been here for an hour and I am already bored.

The other day Dave drove to the Macs and as I sat in the car waiting for him to buy some canned energy, I saw the milk advertisement that featured a large picture of a cow. Now, I happen to like cows. I had a pet cow once, but I don't want to talk about that. I think cows are pretty cute in general. The Cow in this picture, I will henceforth name him Stewart, had the worse hair in the world.

Then I began to wonder to myself, was he having a bad hair day? Do all cows have this ridiculous of hair? I don't remember ever seeing a cow with hair before, is Stewart just an extra classy cow? Do cows ever get jealous of horses hair? and s one until Dave came back with his energy drink.

I just tried to find the ad and failed, but I did find some other lovely pictures to share.



This is like, the Cow version of Justin Beiber or that kid from the directions boy band



He has fancy highlights so he is clearly extra fancy.



Someone needs an ear hair trimmer.




This cow is clearly wearing a toupee. I mean, I don't know who this cow thinks he is kidding, but that is clearly not his hair.
He is clearly my favourite and I shall name him Maurice.

 So apparently cows have hair. And it almost always looks ridiculous. Just another reason to love cows, and the advertisements I see that make me google things like "cows with bad hair". (Yes I promise that is what I googled to find these).

Jenny, Dylan and Brandon.

I just watched the 90s die a small death.

I just saw a commercial for Old Navy jeans, and it was staring Jennie Garth.

Then out of no where, Luke Perry and Jason Priestley show up and my insides cried a little.

So, there I sat watching the characters of a 90s show my mom watched (so hence forth i watched even though it was way inappropriate for my age) and was kind of sad. First of all, because this is what has happened to Luke Perry. He was the shit in the 90s. Now he is selling mediocre jeans. Second of all, I hope Old Navy realizes that their key demographic has no clue who those three people are or why the choice between those boys is at all relevant.. Poor old navy. You need a younger marketing team. Although I really do need jeans. Point marketing team.

I don't have a picture for you because I am in the living room and I have no post-its and my tablets too far and not set up for this computer. I will give you a random picture in a few minutes or a whole bunch tomorrow. I just thought you needed to see this ad.

Jenny, Dylan and Brandon.

I just watched the 90s die a small death.

I just saw a commercial for Old Navy jeans, and it was staring Jennie Garth.

Then out of no where, Luke Perry and Jason Priestley show up and my insides cried a little.

So, there I sat watching the characters of a 90s show my mom watched (so hence forth i watched even though it was way inappropriate for my age) and was kind of sad. First of all, because this is what has happened to Luke Perry. He was the shit in the 90s. Now he is selling mediocre jeans. Second of all, I hope Old Navy realizes that their key demographic has no clue who those three people are or why the choice between those boys is at all relevant.. Poor old navy. You need a younger marketing team. Although I really do need jeans. Point marketing team.

I don't have a picture for you because I am in the living room and I have no post-its and my tablets too far and not set up for this computer. I will give you a random picture in a few minutes or a whole bunch tomorrow. I just thought you needed to see this ad.