Sandwich Bus

Good Afternoon my fellow internet-lovers.

I have discovered a new way to make the day not so terrible. You see, while I know my job sucks and that there is so few opportunities in he world, I still feel as though I need to take some time each day to relax. By relax, I mean take a lunch break. Before, I was spending my lunches looking for jobs on all the boring work posting sites , all of which just make me hate myself more and more each second. Now, well the last two days, I have discovered a much more pleasant place to go.

Tim Hortons.

Yes, as a Canadian I already knew the appeal. Warm beverages, tasty treats, and now free Wifi. However, as an employee I have only just discovered the need to take my lunch break. See, I didn't ever used to go anywhere at my last job. The main and most important difference between this job and that job: I used to have a door on my cubicle.

Now I have no door. I have no privacy. The guy beside me gets up to go to the printer every ten minutes, each time staring at my computer screen. I think at lunch time we are probably allowed to wander the internet, however I don't need grandpa beside me knowing my business.

I miss having a door. I can't get away with pulling out my lunch and eating quietly in the comfort of my own office because now, people may come in at any given time without knocking or warning.

So yesterday I ventured downstairs and across the street and sat in the timmies with my Nanowrimo note-book and a hot chocolate. Even though its slightly noisy there and full of people, it was still more relaxing. Being anywhere but at work is enough to calm my poor brain down enough to make it through the last few hours of the day. It also allowed me to finish planning my Nano novel, and make a plan to bring my netbook to work with me all of November and go there to write at lunch time.

I want to beat last years time. I got to 50,000 words by day 14. I must beat it. I kind of doubt it because the added bonus of procrastinating for school is no longer a factor, however I am going to try anyways!

At least it will give me some better highlights to my day that don't involve the bus smelling like old sandwiches. I mean, I am not sure how you can get much better then a sandwich bus, but I guess a writing hideout wins. If the bus started to serve FRESH sandwiches then maybe he would pull back up in front. However, that seems unlikely as my bus can't even manage to arrive at its designated time.

This ended up pretty long for not having anything to say...

[caption id="attachment_169" align="alignnone" width="2592"] Luis works the sandwich bus as part of his rehabilitation program. One day he will learn to be considerate of others. One day.[/caption]

Pathetic...

Still sick.At any moment today, I may fall asleep. This wouldn't be so awful if I weren't at work and trying to make a good impression. I am eating a ridiculous quantity of sugar at the moment to hopefully will my sickness away with sprinkled donuts.

 Normally colds don't bug me too much, well sort of they always bug me, however this one is particularly crappy. Probably because I have very little reason to force myself to buck up and be healthy. I don't need to be active for my job and it's not like I have a crazy booming social life. Although I did get to hang out with Crystal all day on Saturday and get her good and sick. I was much better at avoiding illnesses when I was busy. I could just simply not get sick. I would start to get sick, feel the tickle in the throat and sniffle in the nose, however I could simply stop being sick and instead go to work or school or write a paper on something I had researched poorly.Now that I am a boring grown up I have no reason to not be sick so my awesome sick-avoiding powers are going to waste.

Enough of that gibber-jabber whiney crap.

 I still don't know what I am doing with this new website. I tried a few different templates but none would let me change very important parts to be what I wanted or when I finally got them to change something else would mess up that I didn't mean to do. So for now this is what you get. Hopefully one day I can figure out how to make it look pretty, or the sizes so I can draw a nicer background or something. Moral of the story is that I suck at computers.So other than the annoying impossible template issue, yesterday I was surprised by a phone call. 9:45 PM my home phone rings. I knew it wasn't for me as it is never for me because A) no one I know ever calls me B)No one knows my home phone number. However the phone was beside me so I answered it assuming it was one of Dave's friends. It was not. It was a telemarketer. At almost 10PM. This may not sound bad to you "young folks" however because I apparently aged 40 years on my last birthday that is pretty late. Especially for annoying phone calls I don't want to participate in.

I feel like I may be the most bitter and cynical 24-year-old on this side of the Earth. It seems really pathetic to me that in what is apparently supposed to be my "prime" I go to bed before 10pm and think an exciting night involves new episodes of television and some freezer cake.  How sad is that? I don't even have any freezer cake left...

So summary of this post: My life is really unimpressive and looks really pathetic. Every justification I make in my head just makes it even more pathetic. Oh boy.

 

[caption id="attachment_143" align="alignnone" width="2592"] goodbye will to live. hello obesity.[/caption]

Thunderstorm bears and Zantac

So my best friend either slept through our lunch date, or she was mauled by thunder storm bears before she was able to text me, therefore leaving me alone with my thoughts. We all know how terrible of an idea that is. Good job Crystal. you are to balme for the following.

My lunch was not as good as I expected. Usually left over goolash (a complex recipe of cheese, macaroni and tomato "sauce". The quotes are there because my family uses Tomato soup and sugar and I know its weird and embarrassing so shut up and stop judging us. It tastes good okay!) Anyways, usually left over Goolash is amazing and even better then the first time, but I think its because I ate too fast its hurting my tummy. Zantac to the rescue! I feel like I need an endorsement deal for Zantac. I could totally do it, Watch:

*fade in, woman sitting at desk typing on computer and eating her lunch at the same time. Computer features complex colour coded chart. Woman is shoving food quickly into her mouth.*

voice over man with unbelievably low voice: "Are you often busy? Do you have to multi task? Do you not even get to look at your lunch while you eat because you have to focus on the screen? Does eating this fast hurt your stomach?"

Woman at desk: *turns to camera with mouthful of pizza and other hand on blackberry while her legs have a medicine ball in between them that she is lifting* she nods.

VOMWULV: "Have you ever tried Zantac?"

WAD: *tilts head to the side and furrows brow*

VOMWULV: "Zantac is for all those people too impatient to eat at a normal rate, or those who refuse to believe that heartburn is a sign of imminent and quickly approaching death. Do you often feel sick after eating your fast and convenient foods? Do you often feel as though a small baboon is trying to jump out of your stomach? Then Zantac is just the pill for you! One small pill after eating will let you continue to do the following:

•  Eat excessive quantities of unhealthy food
• Trick your body into believing it can handle McDonald's
• Stop excessive and embarrassing gas when you share a cubicle
• allow you to get back to acting as though your irrelevant job is the most important in all the land

Pick up a pack of Zantac today!"

Really fast talking guy talking as woman at desk has a montage of smiling while eating gross food: "Zantac may or may not cause you to be better at your job, but only if you aren't a lazy asshole who is normally using stomach problems as an excuse not to work. Zantac cannot be held responsible for any firings related to faking acid reflux. Zantac is capable of curing all major diseases as it is made of unicorn tears  however you must believe in magic for this to be true. And you can't just say you believe in magic, you legitimately must believe in magic. Zantac is not liable should it not cure your disease because unicorn tears are very tricky and know what you believe more so than yourself, also in some quality control tests the unicorns used were found to be obese ponies which stole the horns of a narwhal. The Narwhal carcasses were found in the dumpster and were in no way manufactured into any Zantac product. We swear. Zanatc may cause one or all of the following symptoms, shortening of the left leg, lengthening of the right ear lobe, excessive babbling, enhanced hearing capabilities, decreased listening capabilities, lowered capacity to care about your job, increased abilities to lie, and above all it will cure your indigestion. Please enjoy responsibly."

*fade out on image of woman holding a box of Zantac and a slice of pizza with a taco and chicken wing on top of it.*

And guess who just made the best commercial EVER.

Your welcome Zantac. You should pay me. If I see this shit on TV I will sue.  But should you want to pay me to advertise or create lovely ads for your glorious magic pill, send me an email!

PS: Crystal, do you see what happens when you ignore me all morning? I am forced to make ridiculous commercials ALL ALONE. You could have helped me with this and then you can share my lucrative indigestion medicine. I could be the spokeswoman for indigestion. I am probably the only person whose weird enough to get ulcers at 15 and instead of getting medication renewed just ignore it. I treat you well stomach lining. we get along just fine.

PPS: I hope no thunder storm bears got you. That would be rough, they can be pretty pushy sometimes.

PPPS: I am running out of posits on my open pack and I don't really want to open a new one but I guess I have to because this is business... too bad they are the shitty no-name post its.




They can be so pushy with their helpful magical umbrellas that always cover you perfectly even when held crooked. (See how I Covered my drawing mistake there, I am so clever)



Who doesn't want to eat a chicken wing-taco pizza. Although I guess it would need to be a  boneless wing or tragedy would strike the set of my Zantac commercial and they wouldn't invite me back for at least 6 months out of respect to the actresses family, and then when I do come back her family will protest outside my set causing a lot of noise disruption, so much so that eventually Zantac will let me go and I will move under a bridge in embarrassment. If only I can thought of the boneless wings before its too late. Oh, I guess it isn't too late yet. Well I just saved you life Zantac actress, you owe me one Pug.



Off I go to dig up some Zantac! This ad convinced me it will cure me from all possible issues!

Thunderstorm bears and Zantac

So my best friend either slept through our lunch date, or she was mauled by thunder storm bears before she was able to text me, therefore leaving me alone with my thoughts. We all know how terrible of an idea that is. Good job Crystal. you are to balme for the following.

My lunch was not as good as I expected. Usually left over goolash (a complex recipe of cheese, macaroni and tomato "sauce". The quotes are there because my family uses Tomato soup and sugar and I know its weird and embarrassing so shut up and stop judging us. It tastes good okay!) Anyways, usually left over Goolash is amazing and even better then the first time, but I think its because I ate too fast its hurting my tummy. Zantac to the rescue! I feel like I need an endorsement deal for Zantac. I could totally do it, Watch:

*fade in, woman sitting at desk typing on computer and eating her lunch at the same time. Computer features complex colour coded chart. Woman is shoving food quickly into her mouth.*

voice over man with unbelievably low voice: "Are you often busy? Do you have to multi task? Do you not even get to look at your lunch while you eat because you have to focus on the screen? Does eating this fast hurt your stomach?"

Woman at desk: *turns to camera with mouthful of pizza and other hand on blackberry while her legs have a medicine ball in between them that she is lifting* she nods.

VOMWULV: "Have you ever tried Zantac?"

WAD: *tilts head to the side and furrows brow*

VOMWULV: "Zantac is for all those people too impatient to eat at a normal rate, or those who refuse to believe that heartburn is a sign of imminent and quickly approaching death. Do you often feel sick after eating your fast and convenient foods? Do you often feel as though a small baboon is trying to jump out of your stomach? Then Zantac is just the pill for you! One small pill after eating will let you continue to do the following:

•  Eat excessive quantities of unhealthy food
• Trick your body into believing it can handle McDonald's
• Stop excessive and embarrassing gas when you share a cubicle
• allow you to get back to acting as though your irrelevant job is the most important in all the land

Pick up a pack of Zantac today!"

Really fast talking guy talking as woman at desk has a montage of smiling while eating gross food: "Zantac may or may not cause you to be better at your job, but only if you aren't a lazy asshole who is normally using stomach problems as an excuse not to work. Zantac cannot be held responsible for any firings related to faking acid reflux. Zantac is capable of curing all major diseases as it is made of unicorn tears  however you must believe in magic for this to be true. And you can't just say you believe in magic, you legitimately must believe in magic. Zantac is not liable should it not cure your disease because unicorn tears are very tricky and know what you believe more so than yourself, also in some quality control tests the unicorns used were found to be obese ponies which stole the horns of a narwhal. The Narwhal carcasses were found in the dumpster and were in no way manufactured into any Zantac product. We swear. Zanatc may cause one or all of the following symptoms, shortening of the left leg, lengthening of the right ear lobe, excessive babbling, enhanced hearing capabilities, decreased listening capabilities, lowered capacity to care about your job, increased abilities to lie, and above all it will cure your indigestion. Please enjoy responsibly."

*fade out on image of woman holding a box of Zantac and a slice of pizza with a taco and chicken wing on top of it.*

And guess who just made the best commercial EVER.

Your welcome Zantac. You should pay me. If I see this shit on TV I will sue.  But should you want to pay me to advertise or create lovely ads for your glorious magic pill, send me an email!

PS: Crystal, do you see what happens when you ignore me all morning? I am forced to make ridiculous commercials ALL ALONE. You could have helped me with this and then you can share my lucrative indigestion medicine. I could be the spokeswoman for indigestion. I am probably the only person whose weird enough to get ulcers at 15 and instead of getting medication renewed just ignore it. I treat you well stomach lining. we get along just fine.

PPS: I hope no thunder storm bears got you. That would be rough, they can be pretty pushy sometimes.

PPPS: I am running out of posits on my open pack and I don't really want to open a new one but I guess I have to because this is business... too bad they are the shitty no-name post its.




They can be so pushy with their helpful magical umbrellas that always cover you perfectly even when held crooked.
(See how I Covered my drawing mistake there, I am so clever)



Who doesn't want to eat a chicken wing-taco pizza. Although I guess it would need to be a  boneless wing or tragedy would strike the set of my Zantac commercial and they wouldn't invite me back for at least 6 months out of respect to the actresses family, and then when I do come back her family will protest outside my set causing a lot of noise disruption, so much so that eventually Zantac will let me go and I will move under a bridge in embarrassment. If only I can thought of the boneless wings before its too late. Oh, I guess it isn't too late yet. Well I just saved you life Zantac actress, you owe me one Pug.



Off I go to dig up some Zantac! This ad convinced me it will cure me from all possible issues!

French Fries and Gazoo

Today kind of started in a really awkward way. I woke up and couldn't really open my left eye. It was all swollen and gross and uncomfortable. Because I am about as mature as a six year old my mother stopped by on her way to work to confirm my suspicions that it wasn't really good.

I then slept for another few hours and then tried to wake up the boy who had been snoring all night. He did not seem impressed. Seems as though he was sick too. When he finally got up and out of bed we ventured to the walk in clinic and turns out we both have some creepy bug from swimming in creepy water.

The best part about waking up with a gross and swollen eye is that I have a job interview tomorrow that I was already nervous for. I just have the best luck sometimes... Sometimes I think my dad might be right about the world. He thinks (I think its mostly a joke but with him you cannot be too sure) that we are all aliens that have misbehaved and so earth is basically our prison. He says that we all have an alien leader that is like Gazoo from the Flinstones who watches over us so that if anything starts to go too good, they send down some bad luck. It sounds entirely crazy at first, but look at your life and think about it: How often does every thing seem to be going so well until it just all the sudden isn't. Nothing has changed, you haven't changed, but all the sudden nothing goes right. Damn Gazoos.

So I haven't told you about my trip yet. Mostly because I have been lazy and partially because I am already starting to forget what we did. There was a lot of driving, a lack of sleeping, and a lot of chips and french fries.

French fries in Nova Scotia are pretty excellent I must say.

Here is the basic run down of my trip:

Day 1: Drive to Edmunston, NB. Dave got cranky in Montreal because Montreal is stupid. We got there and ordered excessive quantities of food that was half decent.

 Oh and on the way, we stopped in the crazy Quebec at this dinosaur themed rest stop and found cheap beer and a st huberts express. But the picture is on my phone and I cannot be bothered to email it to myself and put it up.

Day 2: Drive to Halifax, NS. Stopped for lunch at a place that the waitresses had those little change holders on their belts and they were neat. We ate yummy food in which Dave had bacon and cheese on his french fries.

on the left is my chicken finger platter and on the right Dave's fish and chips with bacon/cheese smothered french fries.








We arrived to our Westin Hotel in Halifax and it was very nice. However the masseuse at the spa was on vacation so that plan failed a bit. But we did get fancy robes worth 100$ to lounge in and I took full advantage of that. That evening we wandered the Harbour and bought a silly painting of a cow tied to a balloon.

Day 3: Still in Halifax. It was Alexander Keith's Day so there was stuff set up all along the boardwalk. However first Dave insisted we walk a million years up hill to go to an army surplus store and look at their crap. It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't pouring rain the entire time. On our way back we got sick of being wet and cold and called a cab, getting the angriest cab driver in all of Nova Scotia. We dried off and then headed back out to the harbour walk thing. A strange child gave us free promotional ponchos and we wore them proudly. I ate a beavertail because you can never pass up a chance to eat a beavertail and still call yourself Canadian. We ate food a lot, and then ate more food, and ate more food. Then later got ice cream. Dave got an airbrush tattoo for free but then went in the hot tub and it washed off. Clever.

Day 4: We left for Cape Breton and drove the long way up the trail and eventually made it to the camp site. We went on a million hour walk (Probably only three) and found this neat rapid section and crossed it into these little pools. Crossing this is where I got my eye infection. Thanks the river. We then played cards in which I realized I can't remember the rules to go-fish but luckily Dave didn't know how to play (wtf?) so it didn't matter.

Day 5: We left camping after making grilled cheese, and my making grill cheese I mean burning one and dropping one in the dirt. I also spilled half the loaf of bread because I didn't realize it was open. on the plus side, we didn't have a whole bunch of left over bread? The we drove around the island because it sounded like a good idea at the time. We went whale watching (where I got badly sunburnt) but I saw Whales as previously discussed and some dolphins.

Then after that we continued to drive around. We eventually ate at the chowder house and it was super good. Then the GPS broke and that was crappy. Luckily being a crazy pants I had mapquest directions home. We then drove all the way to Fredricton and didn't get in until 10, which after driving since like 9 am around Cape Breton was a long day. We stayed in a dingy motel that I didn't dare go under the covers.

Day 6: We left and drove home. Dave had a coughing fit right before Montreal which was fine because I was driving anyways. Again, Montreal is stupid but we got through just fine. When we made it back to the blessed Ontario we celebrated a bit and immediately found an English radio station.

After getting home: The house seemed empty without the dogs, but Noodle was with Dave's parents at the lake and Sable was at my sisters 40 minutes away. So we had the night to ourselves in which I made Dave watch one of the best movies Steven Spielberg ever made:

It freaks me out knowing that the little girl has Lisa Simpsons voice. Its strange seeing her as a human. Also, the morals are terrible Steven... Plot: Dinosaurs come to future after being given smart-making cereal. Instantly makes friends with runaway kid and then flies him into a strangers home. Kid then convinces rich girl to run away with him and join the creepy circus. She gives him sexy face and goes with him. They join the circus with blood - good sign and then get upset when it turns out the creepy circus man with a screw for an eye is bad news. screweye then turns them into monkeys and traps kids dinosaur friends. Clown helps save the day and the dinosaurs go to live in the museum and the rich girl convinces the kid to kiss her. So moral of the story: Always go with strangers who promise you dinosaurs. OH! And you know how movies have their stereotypical fat guy in the movie? Or a sterotypical black guy throwing out clever one liners? They still have that but hes a triceratops named Woog. He is my favourite.

Anyways, This is really long and not very entertaining but it does include a lot of non-connected items so its perfect for the internet!

P.P.S. I see I made more typos in my Paint drawing.When will microsoft give that shit spell check!

French Fries and Gazoo

Today kind of started in a really awkward way. I woke up and couldn't really open my left eye. It was all swollen and gross and uncomfortable. Because I am about as mature as a six year old my mother stopped by on her way to work to confirm my suspicions that it wasn't really good.

I then slept for another few hours and then tried to wake up the boy who had been snoring all night. He did not seem impressed. Seems as though he was sick too. When he finally got up and out of bed we ventured to the walk in clinic and turns out we both have some creepy bug from swimming in creepy water.

The best part about waking up with a gross and swollen eye is that I have a job interview tomorrow that I was already nervous for. I just have the best luck sometimes... Sometimes I think my dad might be right about the world. He thinks (I think its mostly a joke but with him you cannot be too sure) that we are all aliens that have misbehaved and so earth is basically our prison. He says that we all have an alien leader that is like Gazoo from the Flinstones who watches over us so that if anything starts to go too good, they send down some bad luck. It sounds entirely crazy at first, but look at your life and think about it: How often does every thing seem to be going so well until it just all the sudden isn't. Nothing has changed, you haven't changed, but all the sudden nothing goes right. Damn Gazoos.

So I haven't told you about my trip yet. Mostly because I have been lazy and partially because I am already starting to forget what we did. There was a lot of driving, a lack of sleeping, and a lot of chips and french fries.

French fries in Nova Scotia are pretty excellent I must say.

Here is the basic run down of my trip:

Day 1: Drive to Edmunston, NB. Dave got cranky in Montreal because Montreal is stupid. We got there and ordered excessive quantities of food that was half decent.

 Oh and on the way, we stopped in the crazy Quebec at this dinosaur themed rest stop and found cheap beer and a st huberts express. But the picture is on my phone and I cannot be bothered to email it to myself and put it up.

Day 2: Drive to Halifax, NS. Stopped for lunch at a place that the waitresses had those little change holders on their belts and they were neat. We ate yummy food in which Dave had bacon and cheese on his french fries.

on the left is my chicken finger platter and on the right Dave's fish and chips with bacon/cheese smothered french fries.








We arrived to our Westin Hotel in Halifax and it was very nice. However the masseuse at the spa was on vacation so that plan failed a bit. But we did get fancy robes worth 100$ to lounge in and I took full advantage of that. That evening we wandered the Harbour and bought a silly painting of a cow tied to a balloon.

Day 3: Still in Halifax. It was Alexander Keith's Day so there was stuff set up all along the boardwalk. However first Dave insisted we walk a million years up hill to go to an army surplus store and look at their crap. It wouldn't have been so bad if it wasn't pouring rain the entire time. On our way back we got sick of being wet and cold and called a cab, getting the angriest cab driver in all of Nova Scotia. We dried off and then headed back out to the harbour walk thing. A strange child gave us free promotional ponchos and we wore them proudly. I ate a beavertail because you can never pass up a chance to eat a beavertail and still call yourself Canadian. We ate food a lot, and then ate more food, and ate more food. Then later got ice cream. Dave got an airbrush tattoo for free but then went in the hot tub and it washed off. Clever.

Day 4: We left for Cape Breton and drove the long way up the trail and eventually made it to the camp site. We went on a million hour walk (Probably only three) and found this neat rapid section and crossed it into these little pools. Crossing this is where I got my eye infection. Thanks the river. We then played cards in which I realized I can't remember the rules to go-fish but luckily Dave didn't know how to play (wtf?) so it didn't matter.

Day 5: We left camping after making grilled cheese, and my making grill cheese I mean burning one and dropping one in the dirt. I also spilled half the loaf of bread because I didn't realize it was open. on the plus side, we didn't have a whole bunch of left over bread? The we drove around the island because it sounded like a good idea at the time. We went whale watching (where I got badly sunburnt) but I saw Whales as previously discussed and some dolphins.

Then after that we continued to drive around. We eventually ate at the chowder house and it was super good. Then the GPS broke and that was crappy. Luckily being a crazy pants I had mapquest directions home. We then drove all the way to Fredricton and didn't get in until 10, which after driving since like 9 am around Cape Breton was a long day. We stayed in a dingy motel that I didn't dare go under the covers.

Day 6: We left and drove home. Dave had a coughing fit right before Montreal which was fine because I was driving anyways. Again, Montreal is stupid but we got through just fine. When we made it back to the blessed Ontario we celebrated a bit and immediately found an English radio station.

After getting home: The house seemed empty without the dogs, but Noodle was with Dave's parents at the lake and Sable was at my sisters 40 minutes away. So we had the night to ourselves in which I made Dave watch one of the best movies Steven Spielberg ever made:

It freaks me out knowing that the little girl has Lisa Simpsons voice. Its strange seeing her as a human. Also, the morals are terrible Steven... Plot: Dinosaurs come to future after being given smart-making cereal. Instantly makes friends with runaway kid and then flies him into a strangers home. Kid then convinces rich girl to run away with him and join the creepy circus. She gives him sexy face and goes with him. They join the circus with blood - good sign and then get upset when it turns out the creepy circus man with a screw for an eye is bad news. screweye then turns them into monkeys and traps kids dinosaur friends. Clown helps save the day and the dinosaurs go to live in the museum and the rich girl convinces the kid to kiss her. So moral of the story: Always go with strangers who promise you dinosaurs. OH! And you know how movies have their stereotypical fat guy in the movie? Or a sterotypical black guy throwing out clever one liners? They still have that but hes a triceratops named Woog. He is my favourite.

Anyways, This is really long and not very entertaining but it does include a lot of non-connected items so its perfect for the internet!

P.P.S. I see I made more typos in my Paint drawing.When will microsoft give that shit spell check!