Scratch Card Logic

So, today is not going very well for me so far. I assume this means that something really awesome is destined to happen today. Or that I will die. But let us all hope for the first option okay?

So here is my totally logical reasoning that may or may not highlight my slight gambling addiction.

Do you know when you buy one of those scratch cards? Like the Bingo or the Crossword or the no-longer-available-but-was-the-best-because-i-always-won Tetris? Well, when you are playing those and you are scratching off the letters/numbers/pieces etc, and you are winning right up from the start and you're getting all kinds of squares and words lining up perfectly and you are thinking "Oh my god, I am totally going to win the $75,000!" and then they only give the worst letters/numbers by the last few when you are one space away from winning? That's part of the logic.

You see, when ever I have had a scratch ticket, I am going to go with Crossword for now because its easiest to explain and I have no words at all forming. I have like three tiles scratched off and they are in no way making words, then all the sudden you reveal the elusive E or A and then all goes according to plan and all the sudden you have like 5 words and 100$. This has actually happened to me. I literally won $100 without knowing it. I thought I had maybe won $3 but nope, the man at that gas station put the ticket through the blue machine and out popped the happiest song we all know and love and across that glorious screen read: "WINNER! $100!" and then I thought it was some kind of mistake so I ran away like a criminal.

Moral of the story, When things seem to be going awful, they are just trying to trick you so that you will be so surprised when you all the sudden get something awesome. When things are going to well, the world will make you trip over a curb and make you fall on your ass in the middle of a busy downtown street in front of a bus and a taxi and several other people walking to work at 7AM. This is a metaphor obviously, totally didn't happen to me today. Just like how I most definitely did not kick my entire foot on the metal leg of my desk. Nope, just a normal day for me.

Now, please excuse me while I go mend what ever shattered remnants I can find of my pride.

 

Ouch

So apparently in one of my athletic endeavors I have managed to throw my back out. I'm not sure if it was the bungee jumping, rock climbing, white-water kayaking or bull fighting that did it but it is mildly uncomfortable and I wish it would stop.

What? You don't believe that I am any kind of athletic? Well I must say I am insulted.I mean I can lift two cases of soda in one hand, I can walk really fast at movie theaters when I need to pee (I mean seriously you won't even notice I am gone ask Crystal), and I can even eat a lot of carbs all at once so that my body has tons to burn off.

Still don't believe me? Well then you are being unfair. So what if I hurt my back by breathing slightly too much, or from hunching over my drawing tablet all morning. That was for you, Internet, you should be thankful. Do you see all those unicorns I drew you? Those actually took a surprisingly long time. I tried many different brushes but none looked right and it still isn't perfect. As I get better at this whole tablet thing I will hopefully give you better drawings. But for now, you will like what I give you because I am sore.

 I went shopping yesterday, and now I own two whole pairs of pants that don't have holes in them. That is a new record I think. I also bought more socks because the ones I was wearing were being annoying and when its buy one get one half price it is just irresponsible to not buy two packs. Dave didn't seem to understand that.

Anyways, shopping with Crystal was nice. I got really jealous of all the preteens shopping for back-to-school because their parents were buying them all kinds of clothes and all they had to do was promise to clean their rooms once a month which totally won't happen anyways. When I buy clothes I have to promise my MasterCard that I will one day pay him off. We both know its not that simple.

That is all for now! I am going to go see if there is some bad movie on the W network I can watch.

Ouch

So apparently in one of my athletic endeavors I have managed to throw my back out. I'm not sure if it was the bungee jumping, rock climbing, white-water kayaking or bull fighting that did it but it is mildly uncomfortable and I wish it would stop.

What? You don't believe that I am any kind of athletic? Well I must say I am insulted.I mean I can lift two cases of soda in one hand, I can walk really fast at movie theaters when I need to pee (I mean seriously you won't even notice I am gone ask Crystal), and I can even eat a lot of carbs all at once so that my body has tons to burn off.

Still don't believe me? Well then you are being unfair. So what if I hurt my back by breathing slightly too much, or from hunching over my drawing tablet all morning. That was for you, Internet, you should be thankful. Do you see all those unicorns I drew you? Those actually took a surprisingly long time. I tried many different brushes but none looked right and it still isn't perfect. As I get better at this whole tablet thing I will hopefully give you better drawings. But for now, you will like what I give you because I am sore.

 I went shopping yesterday, and now I own two whole pairs of pants that don't have holes in them. That is a new record I think. I also bought more socks because the ones I was wearing were being annoying and when its buy one get one half price it is just irresponsible to not buy two packs. Dave didn't seem to understand that.

Anyways, shopping with Crystal was nice. I got really jealous of all the preteens shopping for back-to-school because their parents were buying them all kinds of clothes and all they had to do was promise to clean their rooms once a month which totally won't happen anyways. When I buy clothes I have to promise my MasterCard that I will one day pay him off. We both know its not that simple.

That is all for now! I am going to go see if there is some bad movie on the W network I can watch.