Really Canada?

So as you all may or may not know, I am Canadian. I am pretty pleased with my country of residence for the most part. When I break bones, someone heals me, when I am snowed-in my house, someone will eventually plow my road.

As you may have read previously I have a small issue with the new bills. I know there is apparently all kinds of controversy about them now regarding some woman being removed, but I did not know this and just concern myself more with Kate Whats-her-face being a scientist.

I have a new issue with the money though.

Last night, we went to the bank so Dave could get cash out to buy his enormous TV for the home theater we are building in the basement and because Costco is evil smart and doesn't believe in credit cards you need cash or excessively high debit card limits. We chose cash. So Dave got the however much money (burglars don't even think of robbing him... he has anger problems and ninja training) and as we got into the car his phone rang. He was talking on the phone while he double checked the number of bills and he kept flipping the money into my nose. I obviously had no clue why so I was all : "WTF stop!"

He then hung up the phone and explained his erratic behaviour by saying: "It smells like maple syrup" to which I responded, "So we need to go to the hospital then because you are having a stroke" (but only in my head because usually he is right about weird things like this and then I look twice as crazy for doubting him). I think he noticed the disbelief on my face, or he just liked to slap me in the face with a wad of money because he again hit me in the nose. This time I knew to smell and I was instantly convinced I was  crazy and delusional because I legitimately smelled something vaguely resembling maple syrup, or at least what a scented candle would smell like if it was the cheap dollar store variety.

He explained that its among the many new features of these increasingly ridiculous new bills. Not only that, but in one of the maple leafs on the thing, if you shine a laser through it you can see numbers. Although reading about it seems as though lasers will make it explode or something. I am not 100% sure because I don't have the attention span to read it.
All I had to say was: "We aren't a joke enough to the other countries, but now we have scratch and sniff money?"

He was too busy being excited for his TV to realize I am a comedic genius but I am sure I will be appreciated one day... Probably just ahead of my time.

I can't be sure if its legit or not. Its not on the mint website, but I guess they wouldn't want to brag about having scratch and sniff money in case the other Americas get fed up with being associated with us and take over once and for all. I hope not though. There money is so boring.

At least now, blind people will be able to know if you are short changing them. Once they roll this out they can be all, "hey you owe me one maple syrup and three ice rinks not two beaver tails and one poutine!" Is that offensive? Probably. Sorry. Before my time again.




That top word is supposed to say Mountie but I spelled it wrong because I am really smart like that. I blame google for not working when I need it



Really Canada?

So as you all may or may not know, I am Canadian. I am pretty pleased with my country of residence for the most part. When I break bones, someone heals me, when I am snowed-in my house, someone will eventually plow my road.

As you may have read previously I have a small issue with the new bills. I know there is apparently all kinds of controversy about them now regarding some woman being removed, but I did not know this and just concern myself more with Kate Whats-her-face being a scientist.

I have a new issue with the money though.

Last night, we went to the bank so Dave could get cash out to buy his enormous TV for the home theater we are building in the basement and because Costco is evil smart and doesn't believe in credit cards you need cash or excessively high debit card limits. We chose cash. So Dave got the however much money (burglars don't even think of robbing him... he has anger problems and ninja training) and as we got into the car his phone rang. He was talking on the phone while he double checked the number of bills and he kept flipping the money into my nose. I obviously had no clue why so I was all : "WTF stop!"

He then hung up the phone and explained his erratic behaviour by saying: "It smells like maple syrup" to which I responded, "So we need to go to the hospital then because you are having a stroke" (but only in my head because usually he is right about weird things like this and then I look twice as crazy for doubting him). I think he noticed the disbelief on my face, or he just liked to slap me in the face with a wad of money because he again hit me in the nose. This time I knew to smell and I was instantly convinced I was  crazy and delusional because I legitimately smelled something vaguely resembling maple syrup, or at least what a scented candle would smell like if it was the cheap dollar store variety.

He explained that its among the many new features of these increasingly ridiculous new bills. Not only that, but in one of the maple leafs on the thing, if you shine a laser through it you can see numbers. Although reading about it seems as though lasers will make it explode or something. I am not 100% sure because I don't have the attention span to read it.
All I had to say was: "We aren't a joke enough to the other countries, but now we have scratch and sniff money?"

He was too busy being excited for his TV to realize I am a comedic genius but I am sure I will be appreciated one day... Probably just ahead of my time.

I can't be sure if its legit or not. Its not on the mint website, but I guess they wouldn't want to brag about having scratch and sniff money in case the other Americas get fed up with being associated with us and take over once and for all. I hope not though. There money is so boring.

At least now, blind people will be able to know if you are short changing them. Once they roll this out they can be all, "hey you owe me one maple syrup and three ice rinks not two beaver tails and one poutine!" Is that offensive? Probably. Sorry. Before my time again.




That top word is supposed to say Mountie but I spelled it wrong because I am really smart like that.
I blame google for not working when I need it



Three Weeks Left

Three weeks people. Three weeks from now I will be unemployed if I don't find something soon. I think I would be a lot more motivated to search for a job if I didn't work here. Being here kills all my motivation and spirit. I would rather swim in the Arctic then work here.

Please don't force me to test that, I really hate cold water/I can't breathe in it and it hurts.

So I need some get rich quick scheme that would actually work. I guess the whole point of those is that they never actually work which is why its called a scheme and why everyone in the world is not doing one. What about a get-well-off-in-a-respectable-amount-of-time scheme? Do those exist? I guess they are called a job right. I will never win.

I honestly don't think I am built for the real world. I am too awkward. It is kind of like trapping the Tasmanian Devil and shoving him into a pant suit and telling him to sit still. Well, I suppose I don't have his energy. I guess I would be more like a really fat and lazy five year old who still really likes to colour as long as she is given a cookie to do it. So take the fat five year old, put her in a pant suit, and then make her stare at a computer screen all day and should she get caught colouring she gets scolded and all her cookies are changed into lettuce.

Who decides these things. Things like: what constitutes an acceptable job. Maybe, I just want to sit at home and work on my writing. But no that's not acceptable because Mr.mortgage company expects to be paid. Selfish Bastards. Don't they realize they could be depriving the world of the next great American novel? Which is extra impressive because I am Canadian. A solid piece of literature that I will never be able to provide because my mortgage thinks it deserves to get paid. It doesn't do a whole lot so why should it get paid and I can't?

I wish I could be like JK Rowling, only now. If I could skip the 7 years of being poor that would be great. Although I guess I have already been poor for 7 years.  I don't have a kid to support but I do have two dogs and a Dave. I mean, if I get another dog then three dogs must equal one human? However it could be argued that Noodle has enough personality for three dogs on her own so I would think between our two and potential one more in the general future its equivalent to many children.

So when will my stroke of genius erupt? When does my big billion dollar idea explode from the labyrinth of my mind? I do understand it taking a little bit of time because I can't even pull my own phone number out of my brain without preparing myself for a solid week, but I would hope that my story is trying very hard to make it out. I wish it would hurry though. I am pretty impatient.

Three Weeks Left

Three weeks people. Three weeks from now I will be unemployed if I don't find something soon. I think I would be a lot more motivated to search for a job if I didn't work here. Being here kills all my motivation and spirit. I would rather swim in the Arctic then work here.

Please don't force me to test that, I really hate cold water/I can't breathe in it and it hurts.

So I need some get rich quick scheme that would actually work. I guess the whole point of those is that they never actually work which is why its called a scheme and why everyone in the world is not doing one. What about a get-well-off-in-a-respectable-amount-of-time scheme? Do those exist? I guess they are called a job right. I will never win.

I honestly don't think I am built for the real world. I am too awkward. It is kind of like trapping the Tasmanian Devil and shoving him into a pant suit and telling him to sit still. Well, I suppose I don't have his energy. I guess I would be more like a really fat and lazy five year old who still really likes to colour as long as she is given a cookie to do it. So take the fat five year old, put her in a pant suit, and then make her stare at a computer screen all day and should she get caught colouring she gets scolded and all her cookies are changed into lettuce.

Who decides these things. Things like: what constitutes an acceptable job. Maybe, I just want to sit at home and work on my writing. But no that's not acceptable because Mr.mortgage company expects to be paid. Selfish Bastards. Don't they realize they could be depriving the world of the next great American novel? Which is extra impressive because I am Canadian. A solid piece of literature that I will never be able to provide because my mortgage thinks it deserves to get paid. It doesn't do a whole lot so why should it get paid and I can't?

I wish I could be like JK Rowling, only now. If I could skip the 7 years of being poor that would be great. Although I guess I have already been poor for 7 years.  I don't have a kid to support but I do have two dogs and a Dave. I mean, if I get another dog then three dogs must equal one human? However it could be argued that Noodle has enough personality for three dogs on her own so I would think between our two and potential one more in the general future its equivalent to many children.

So when will my stroke of genius erupt? When does my big billion dollar idea explode from the labyrinth of my mind? I do understand it taking a little bit of time because I can't even pull my own phone number out of my brain without preparing myself for a solid week, but I would hope that my story is trying very hard to make it out. I wish it would hurry though. I am pretty impatient.

Canadian Money Confuses Me.

So I am still kind of bored. Not 100% sure what I should be pretending to do right now. I spent some time reading really back-dated entries of The Bloggess who may be among my favourite people in the universe. I felt I needed to close it once I got to the 100th page (I started at 80 so its not that bad guys) and snorted out loud about her take on Canadian money. I agree 100% and also would like to point out that one of the bills has a person on the back that looks exactly like Kate Goselin. I don't remember which because I am poor but I will google it.

I found it! I also remember the scenario on how I ended up with a 100$ bill.

Dave: Here is the money for our joint account

Me: Why are you giving me this fake garbage?

Dave: That is not fake?

Me: What the crap is it?

Dave: That is the new bills

Me: Why is it see through? What does this accomplish?

Dave: I don't know.

Me: Why is Kate Goselin on the back of our money, she's not even Canadian and she is not a scientist.

Dave: I don't know who that is but watch! *proceeds to attempt to rip bill in half* You can't rip them!

Me: Well maybe you cant *tries to rip and fails* I don't want to rip my money that is silly. I'm going to the bank.

Dave: *disapproving shaking of head*



Don't believe me? Who else would ever have that haircut?

 So I guess this deters the criminals from making fake money. Mostly because no self respecting criminal wants to print Kate Goselin on their currency. If I was a Mob boss making fake money I would probably make mine much cooler.

UPDATE: I should probably include a picture of Kate Goselin

Scientist in Canada?




Probably looks more acceptable to Americans then actual Canadian currency. And I for the most part agree. Except, I almost never accidentally give the cashier the wrong bill because my shits colour coated. Perhaps to further improve my current theme of currency we could match the colours with their houses. However then Ravenclaw is getting a shitty deal because they are only 5$ but I mean, they aren't all about the prestige so I am sure they would be fine with it. Besides Hufflepuffs need some hundred love. I will be expecting my call shortly, I will lead my fellow Harry Potter lovers into a nation with colourful and creative currency.

  I need a job where I won't be turned into such a crazy?

Canadian Money Confuses Me.

So I am still kind of bored. Not 100% sure what I should be pretending to do right now. I spent some time reading really back-dated entries of The Bloggess who may be among my favourite people in the universe. I felt I needed to close it once I got to the 100th page (I started at 80 so its not that bad guys) and snorted out loud about her take on Canadian money. I agree 100% and also would like to point out that one of the bills has a person on the back that looks exactly like Kate Goselin. I don't remember which because I am poor but I will google it.

I found it! I also remember the scenario on how I ended up with a 100$ bill.

Dave: Here is the money for our joint account

Me: Why are you giving me this fake garbage?

Dave: That is not fake?

Me: What the crap is it?

Dave: That is the new bills

Me: Why is it see through? What does this accomplish?

Dave: I don't know.

Me: Why is Kate Goselin on the back of our money, she's not even Canadian and she is not a scientist.

Dave: I don't know who that is but watch! *proceeds to attempt to rip bill in half* You can't rip them!

Me: Well maybe you cant *tries to rip and fails* I don't want to rip my money that is silly. I'm going to the bank.

Dave: *disapproving shaking of head*



Don't believe me? Who else would ever have that haircut?

 So I guess this deters the criminals from making fake money. Mostly because no self respecting criminal wants to print Kate Goselin on their currency. If I was a Mob boss making fake money I would probably make mine much cooler.

UPDATE: I should probably include a picture of Kate Goselin

Scientist in Canada?




Probably looks more acceptable to Americans then actual Canadian currency. And I for the most part agree.
Except, I almost never accidentally give the cashier the wrong bill because my shits colour coated.
Perhaps to further improve my current theme of currency we could match the colours with their houses.
However then Ravenclaw is getting a shitty deal because they are only 5$ but I mean, they aren't all about
the prestige so I am sure they would be fine with it. Besides Hufflepuffs need some hundred love.
I will be expecting my call shortly, I will lead my fellow Harry Potter lovers into a nation with colourful and creative currency.

  I need a job where I won't be turned into such a crazy?