Challenge #4 - Phenomenal cosmic power!

... Itty bitty living space.



I loved your story. I am sitting here, hot chocolate in hand (or as the 'cool' kids like to call it, hotcho), all curled up and reading your pirate story. I am semi confused how I got to a pirate ship in the first place, let alone why I was pushed in to the closet, but whatever. The wizard and I come out of the closet together because his cape was in the way. And it was too billowy for a cramped environment. Fabulous. But what of the pirates? If they can make terrible puns about their own career choices, they are my kind of people. I want to save the pirates too! They don't deserve to  live out a Hitchcock movie! Common!

[Interlude] As readers probably know by now, I research dumb things a lot. For instance, I have seen the movie Lifeboat, mentioned above, and forgot the title. So I Googled "men stuck in life boat" and this came up from Slate magazine online: Trapped in an Underwater Air Bubble for Three Days. The stuff of actual nightmares, guys. He lived 60 hours underwater without food, drinking water or light on the ocean floor. The fuck. It's a really interesting article and you should all check it out. [End interlude]

May I add that whimsical mustache wizard seems a little selfish. I think if he Dorothy'd hard enough, he could get me home. He just wants to keep me on his stupid island filled with puppies and books. So harsh. This is a tricky situation that I am in and I dislike it. Party time island with five people COULD be fun, or it could be a massive headache. Very tough choices to make.

* Five people I'm dooming to the island with me:

1. Tanya. I mean this one is pretty obvious. Best friend, amusing storyteller, a deadpan wittiness that melds with my own sense of humor really well AND she understands my need to close off from people sometimes which I think I'd appreciate.


2. Sandy. She has a fondness for pirates, books and puppies that is rarely seen in another human. She is also good at Scrabble, amongst other things.


3. A (also known as Kiwi). He also likes Scrabble and sheep. So if there are sheep, board games and history related doo-dads then he's pretty much set for life. Also I miss spending time with him (super creepy if he reads this weeeo)


4. K. She's a beach bum and is really laid back, so island life would suit her. (Sorry J, you'd hate me if I forced you on an island. We'll get you a boat to visit us for beach days)


5. Robin Williams. I totally know him - I saw him on the street in Vancouver one time while my family was on vacation. He was wearing red Chucks. My dad yelled at him from across the street and I died from embarrassment. We're practically related. He can do Ms. Doubtfire bits and his stand up acts.

(Do you know how hard this is? I seriously do not have friends, my dear. I don't know why you needed me to bring FIVE whole people to the island with me.)

 

* Five celebrities that would have to sit with all of us nerds, the whimsical mustache wizard, and Robin Williams:

1. Henry Cavill. Do I need a god damned reason?


2. Bill F*cking Murray. He was my favourite original SNL Cast member and his sarcasm would bring a level of je-ne-sais-quoi to the table. I have a feeling that our good friend, whimsical mustache wizard, is not easily put off. I bet you Mr. Murray could easily quiet our jar-loving conjurer.


3. Emma Stone. She's awesome and I think we'd all be friends. She can bring Andrew Garfield too.


4. Nathan Fillion. He has a story for literally any subject. You want to talk about tariffs in the fish trade? Nathan Fillion has got a story for that. Awkward sex scenes? Oh boy, does he have a good one for you. Hilarious shaving mishaps? Let's not bring that up...


5. Chris Pine. Again, I mean I really don't need a reason for bringing him at all. He's here to make sarcastic remarks (a common theme I guess) and eat apples in noisy fashions.

 

 

* 5 TV Series

1. Doctor who. Sorry, Nathan. Firefly was too damned short. Dr. Who will last forever on this island.


2. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. Now this is a story all about how my life got flipped, turned upside down. But I'd like to take a minute - just sit right there - and I'll tell you about how I became the prince of Bel-Air.


3. Shameless (US). I honestly just want more people to watch this show. It's hilarious and charming and terribly sad all at the same time. How does it do it? Chicago slums, bitches.


4. Batman the Animated Series. We gotta have something to watch in the mornings.


5. Game of Thrones. Who doesn't like a good death with their television programing?

(So many shows I wish were longer so that I could justify bringing them with me. Honorable mentions go to: New Girl, Misfits, How I met your mother, Pushing Daisies, Rome, Gilmore Girls, Sarah Conner Chronicles, The Walking Dead, etc. etc. etc. Ironically, I did not chose Gilligan's Island, LOST or any other stranded show.)

* 5 Books

1. Good Omens - Terry Pratchett & Neil Gaiman


2. Monuments Men - Robert Edsel & Bret Witter


3. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee


4. The Name of the Wind - Patrick Rothfuss


5. Bulfinch's Mythology - Thomas Bulfinch (Deluxe Edition)

(Also there was a library mentioned, so I think I'm well stocked for books.)

* 5 CDs

1. The Killers - Hot Fuss


2. Jack Johnson - In Between Dreams


3. Elvis Presley - The 50 Greatest Hits


4. The White Stripes - Elephant


5. Billie Holiday - Songs for Distingue  Lovers

(CDs are hard because no one likes the whole disk. No one. I tried to pick CDs that I can leave on and listen to the whole way through, but that might just mean that they would just be background noise like the music at Retailland. Added bonus though: they're all nostalgic for me and they'd probably make me feel less isolated if I listened to them. Honorable mentions: Franz Ferdinand, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Arctic Monkeys, Otis Redding, Spice Girls, BSB, Destiny's Child, Outcast, and Led Zepplin, to name a few)

* 5 types of food

1. Ice cream


2. Fruit salad


3. Pasta


4. BBQ Chicken


5. My mom's spinach strawberry salad. Because veggies.

(Honorable mentions: Waffles.)

* 5 types of drinks

1. Fresh water


2. Chocolate Milk


3. Gin and Tonic


4. Wheat Beer


5. Coffee

 

There you go, darling! All answered in a timely fashion. Anyone can feel free to post their own answers, or rebut my own. These were surprisingly tough choices, as I had mentioned many times. I feel like if I was that limited, I'd get very sad. I'm a girl who likes variety. Obviously not with the people that I hang out with, but with the things that I do and the foods I eat. If I had to listen to those five cds for the rest of my life, I'd probably break them by month 2. If I had to limit myself to those tv shows, knowing there were other good choices, I'd throw the disks into the water. Then Henry Cavill would be upset with me because he was totally mid-season two of Fresh Prince, and Will was dancing and it's all a terrible terrible end.

My biggest fear? I'd go all Agatha Christie and cut someone just to have something to do. Seriously. You can be the Inspector and it will be a joyous time had by all; except the person who is murdered (I'm looking at you, wizard).

 

Your challenge is to ponder the following situation and give a solid answer: Out of flagrant disregard for the general public's well being, our very own whimsical mustache wizard deems himself the granter of all wishes. Sometimes, he messes certain wishes up. Somewhere in the past or present, you have wished to be a superhero. Having Batgirl's sense of self and Wonder Woman's Amazonian kick-ass-ness wouldn't be so bad, would it? Mustache wizard totally gets you, friend. He's all: "Man... Tanya's already kick ass. Super powers would make her even more amazing then before. I'm going to offer her a deal." In meeting with you he points out his extreme lack of actual helpfulness or ability and lays out his plan to make you the next comic book queen. He's going to give you one of three options:

1. You can become invisible. It's not at will and no one is quite sure how it is triggered, no one knows when it ends. You can't go through walls, people can still hear you when you speak/move/pass gas.

2.  You can hear people's thoughts. Rules: it can't be turned on or off at will, they have to be within a 50 meter radius of you and you will hear every thought. Keep in mind that most people don't think through everything they are doing, aren't serious about everything they think and their minds are most likely in the gutter more than half the time.

3. You can never die. This one kind of speaks for itself. You have the gift and curse of immortality and you'll be around when the world burns. Oh and you can still feel pain. Duh, forgot to mention that.

Do you take his offer? Which one power would you chose and which ones would you leave? And the all important elementary school application-question: Why?

<3 DFTBA

(Genie gif image from disneydreams on Tumblr)

Challenge #1: Let's kick it...

Ok, so obviously I'm not the best at blogging.  As anyone who knows my family could tell you, we don't stick to timelines very well. I have to make n effort to get things done on time that aren't graded or required for me to get paid. That being said, I couldn't tell you how great an opportunity this is for me. While I don't write as well as Tanya, but I'm going to try to keep up a front of competency and mild wittiness for you guys.



Allow me to tell you a little bit about my week. I am currently sitting in an extremely noisy starbucks with about an hour until I have to walk over to work and start the autumn transitions. Which essentially means moving everything in the store around and somehow making it look pretty. By the time 11 o'clock rolls around, I'll be exhausted and have several bruises on my body, and Hallowe'en decor will be up. That's right! My job - which I can't name right now because they scour the internet looking for mentions (let's just call it Retailville) - puts up their Hallowe'en and autumn stuff in August. Early August. There are turkeys staring at us from all corners of the store for a good 4 months. My week is as busy as my last - I'm going to be working 13 hours a day at two jobs from Tuesday-Friday. Killer am I right? This isn't a ploy for sympathy or anything, I'm just saying I don't post a whole bunch because my life is pretty much the OC Transpo and working. That's it.

So Tanya's first challenge to me was to talk about myself - which I am the best at doing. I can't tell you how long it actually took me to figure out what to write in this tiny box. I don't know if it's interesting or relevant, but here is the list I came up with:

1. I post regularly on Tumblr. I have used this platform for almost 3 years because I hated writing - ironic, no? Tumblr breakdown: It allows people to post whatever they want in whatever medium they want. It's a great albeit consuming way to pass your time.

2. Also internet. While my brother is more of the computer tech/games guy, I am now somehow infamous for surfing the web like no other. I don't mean to be conceited, but a lot of people come to me for stupid and random information. It is not a great CV qualification or anything, but spending time online and reading articles is kind of how I like to spend my day when I don't have plans elsewhere. The amount of useless information I know is beyond cute. It's ridiculous.

3. I read. An excessive amount.

 You know how I alluded to the fact that I should bring a blanket with me on the bus, that is how little I am home to sleep? Yeah. Instead of napping like I probably should be I read. If I were to chose one thing I could do for the rest of my life, it would be reading. Don't ask me my favourite book, I never know it. It depends on the day; it depends on the mood; it depends on who I'm with at the time. Books are great because you can take yourself anywhere you want to go. People who know me well know for a fact that I will have a library in my house (I'm well stocked already) and it will be magnificent. Like, totally for sure.

4. I want to work here when I grow up:

This is the British Museum. It is in Britian.

Whenever that may be... I'll probably never get there, but hey, the journey is the best part!

5. I have 0$ all of the time. I can't decide if my spending habits are a genetic trait or not, but I have major problems.

6. I own a zombie cat... she's nice.

(Pre-zombie-virus)

7. Batman is my homeboy. He's pretty much got it all, and a hero complex to boot.

1. a. subpoint! The scarecrow and the joker are my favourite villains. They're completely effed up and I love it.

8. I graduated with a classics degree this spring. I guess I'm an alumnist now. That means I know stuff about other stuff that happened a long time ago to other people. Also more books and speculation and things. It's a pretty good time. To know more go here, here and here.

9. Despite #5, I really want to travel a bunch. More than a bunch. I would go into this a whole bunch more, but this post is already very very long and I only have another 15 minutes before I have to leave for work. Gotta keep up the pace!

10. I live with these two goobers:



12. If I could only eat one thing for the rest of my life, it would probably be fusilli and homemade marinara sauce. Probably.

Yum.

13. Skirts and dresses are the bomb. So breezy and nice. I just bought two new ones today.

14. The Departed is my favourite movie. Especially this part:



15. I'm a caffeine addict. So much so that it has become an issue when I don't drink coffee. Withdraw pains are not a good time, bro. The first coffee I ever had was right before my grade 11 Calculus exam. My mom brought me to Starbucks and a powerful bond was formed. One which I have not been able to break in 7 years.



Ok! That's all I had time for. I was totally going to do my challenge stuff today, but I guess I'll have to sneak out tomorrow and work on all of this stuff before Tanya comes over. Civic holidays are super rad when you work for the federal government, let me tell you. DFTBA!

Am I Cool Enough for a Moustache?

Everyone! My long-awaited book release is upon us.

Normal Books is proud to present: Am I Cool Enough for a Moustache? The quiz to determine whether you are worthy of sporting that ever elusive moustache.

As you can see the tab up top is in place with a bit more information including the link to where you can purchase this glorious and informative book. The site is safe and I have used it several times and am always pleased with the quality.

So please go read the blurb on the other page (http://www.yellowshoesinthecity.com/am-i-cool-enough-for-a-moustache/) and check out the book!

More books coming soon.

52540

I made a typo on my Facebook. Its only 52540 not 53. whoops. I am not changing it because that will make me sad.

Moral of the story: I am done my Nano Novel. Problem with this is that its early. That sounds like it could be a good thing but I am a bit competitive, but only against myself and last year me kicked this year me's ass.

Last year me made it to 50k on day 14, this year it took me until the 18th. also last year me didn't stop there, but continued on until the novel was 93k words. There is not 93k for this years book so that's not really the end of the world. The main thing that I am sad about is that my average words per day chart is going to become merely average. But I am done, so there's nothing more to add. 

Good thing about this: I have extra time for the various other crafts/editing I had planned. Because I am an idiot apparently and think that christmas time isn't busy enough without having 200 different projects on the go. Hopefully people like home-made things because that's what several of you are getting! Well some.. I found some cool pre-made things that you will receive.

However, the biggest and most awesome joy about being done Nano: I can focus more on CHRISTMAS!

If you couldn't tell, I am a big ol'Christmas enthusiast. not because I am religious, because I really am not, but I think it is because I like a good game. The most challenging game ever is: What do you get ____? In which you have to figure out what you are going to buy all the important people in your life that they don't already have, someone else hasn't bought them, and actually want.

It is nearly impossible for so many people, but the moment you find the right gift its a moment of pure happiness, followed by several weeks/days (depending on when you get it) of panicking they wont like it.

See, where a lot of people whine about the commercialization of Christmas, I thrive on it. If there is one thing that I am sometimes sort-of good at, it's getting good gifts. I am not good at expressing feelings or understanding dramatic situations, but if you are in the market for a Monty Python gag gift, or an Xmen homemade sweater, I am your gal.

The best thing about finding the perfect gift is that it doesn't matter AT ALL how much it costs. The best gifts come from inside jokes. Take the book me and Crystal wrote for Sandy two years ago. It was a short and weird book that literally came to be because I made a weird noise while holding a horse statue. We left the store without it and then that night it all clicked. I needed to write a story about that ridiculous horse, name him Fierce and then have him encounter all kinds of weird situations. I then went, bought the horse, and informed Crystal that she was helping me whether or not she wanted to (Obviously she did because who doesn't want to write a story about a Fierce horse?) and then in several 2am writing sessions, Fierce was born. The weirdest book you will NEVER read (unless you are one of the 4 cousins, then you better memorize it because it's just going to be a part of our lives forever).

(This post is weirdly long but I owe you 19 days worth so I am going to keep typing.)

So Crystal and I wrapped up the book underneath the giant horse statue, and stared at Sandy probably with the most creepy and excited faces ever, and she pretended o think the horse was genuinely awesome. As if the thing her cousin and sister were so excited about was an angry horse. She probably does actually like it because it's a horse and its Sandy, but that was just the side gift. As she was holding it and all "Ooo this is nice-ing" we were like... Not done sandy, open the rest. Then I think I heard a sigh of relief and she found the smaller package in the box. (Side note, wrapping that horse was damn near impossible. To find a box big enough involved much effort)

She opened the little paper back and it took her a minute of looking between the book and the Giant horse (as I had taken a picture and made it look all fancy for the cover) and then finally reading the "by Tanya and Crystal" line she simply said "You wrote me a book?" and then laugh/cried. And then I almost cried. But that would be dangerous because my circuit board would need to get replaced and the Christmas rates are ridiculous.

There is nothing like making someone cry... of joy. Not sadness that's just mean. But seeing someone so happy their eyes start leaking is just a super great feeling. I am glad Sandy has the ever-important gene from our family in which laughter at too high of intensity results in tears almost immediately.

So, this is a long-ass post that pretty much sums up to: I like to make people cry. That can't be it? I like Christmas? Yes.. that's probably less offensive (sort of)

Welcome back Tanya... you are stranger then ever.



My captions aren't working for this picture so: This is the actual cover to the book you will never read. It is a picture of the very big and extremely menacing statue of Fierce.