Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Unhealthy, Robotic Attachment

So, as a robot I have a semi-challenging time with regular human interactions. This may sound crazy because well, I am technically human but I think my brain operates mostly as a half-broken robot. So simple things like making friends, small talk, maintaining friendships are very challenging and mostly just don't happen. This is why they invented the internet...So I don't have to do that crap right?

Well, another side effect of my weird robotic brain, is that I apparently feel unnatural connections to TV characters. Perhaps because they come to me through a screen and don't actually expect me to interact with them, but I get to be privy to all their secrets, but I think its mostly because I am obviously a nut.

So last night, I was watching one of my very favorite TV shows: New Girl. This show is just the greatest. It is I believe tied for 1st in the rankings of favorite TV shows that are currently airing. Its just so good. I am sort of convinced that one of the main characters may be loosely based on me - but thats not a good thing because he is kind of crazy. But I mostly just love him anyways. For those of you who are crazy and aren't enjoying this excellent 30 minutes of quality comedy each week, you can just imagine I am talking about a show you know.

This week, (stop reading if you haven't watched the show yet and immediately go watch it) my little robo-heart almost stopped several times. I cannot even comprehend so much emotion in my day to day life as I felt in those 30 minutes. (Don't get me wrong I do HAVE feelings, I just cannot express them in sufficiently human ways. Kind of like a Vulcan. But my ears are not pointy I swear.) Now, to those who watch new girl, it was crazy right? Best episode ever right? To those who don't, I am getting to the point (no there's not really a point, are you new here? Give up that delusion now.)

Anyways, what I am trying to express is that after the episode ended and my little fan-girl robo-heart began to pump the oil through my pipes again I kind of just felt embarrassed. I know there are lots of girls everywhere freaking out adn tweeting and tumblr-ing and all, problem is, I am twenty four years old. And then as soon as that embarrassment crossed my mind I just laughed adn said, I don't give two shits if I am twenty four, I am not a regular twenty four year old. For my birthday this year, I received a 2.5 foot tall Batman Action Figure - from my grandparents. I do not follow normal social progressions apparently. I have tried in the past, but that is too boring.

So this is basically just a rambling bunch of words to express that I don't care if you think I am crazy, but I am going to be excited that the people in my show kissed. It wasn't even just that they kissed, they KISSED. Like, destroyed all other TV kisses instantly in my mind and has replaced even Ross and Rachel's big kisses (They had many because, well, they are Ross and Rachel - I still love them though.) It was so well done and so different and so awesomely surprising. I guess everyone else in teh world knew it was going to happen, but there was only like 50 seconds left in the show and SHABAM most important plot twist EVER. I feel bad for anyone whose PVR cut it off. I would have died. Although I watched it live.... and may have rewatched it when I got home.

Point being (how many times can I say that in one post before you give up on me and realize there is never going to be a point?) I am a nerd. I am a nerd who loves things. I love TV shows, I love movies, I love comic books, I love novels, I love so many other things and I intend to do so unapologetically.

I think I might love TV most of all. Me and TV have a very in depth relationship. I really wish sometimes that I could move to LA and write for TV shows. I don't know how one could go do that, but i bet they need more then a sick obsession and a psych degree. Unless I was writing for Doctor Phil. I bet I am more qualified to dole out advice then that guy. Probably not, I think he was once a doctor... now he just says random hilbillie mad libs and people believe him.

Here's how you give doctor Phil style advice:

You need to get your ____(adjective)____, ___(adjective)____, __(body part)___, out the ___(place you would find on a farm)____ before the ___(adjective)____ ____(barn yard animal)___ takes/gives/steals your ____(something possessed by those with self esteem ex: confidence, dignity etc...)______!

But, moral of the story is: I like TV, especially New Girl. I would like to go meet the cast and congratulate them for being the most relatable (apparently this isnt a word but I am too tired to think of a better one) show on TV. I can relate to any of the characters at any given moment. I love them all. It is such a well rounded cast and I hope it lasts for many many years and succeeds very well.


Wednesday, January 23, 2013

Overdramatic Haiku

Brain cells they perish,
My soul is already dead,
Counting down the time.

(Can you tell I am bored?)
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Overdramatic Work Poem

Only eight thirty five,
But how to survive,
This dreadful day?

Too cold to run,
Froze all my fun,
Please don't make me stay...

Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Thoughts from work.

So I am currently at work, and am emailing this thought in for you to read because it feels like a legitimate question in the face of extreme bordum.

Today the man came to set up my scanner. He emailed me and said "be there in a tic", henceforth making me think "hmm, must be british". Then a few minutes later, a skinny little red haired man arrived, and was -you guessed it- british.

Here's my concern, who in their right mind leaves England, a country that while I have not been there looks pretty awesome, to come work in the IT department in a boring Ottawa building.

Here are the potential scenarios:
1. On the run from the law after committing a horrific murder. 2. Witnessed a horrific murder and was relocated as a protectional service.
3. Faking the british accent because a skinny goofy looking red head has little hope of getting the ladies without the added mystique of being european.

Not sure which it is, but clearly these are the only options.

Although as a disclaimer I would like to say to red heads, that you are lovely and the ladies love you. My garcon is actually a red head. He is pretty fancy!

Anyways, back to work!
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Monday, January 21, 2013

Irrelevant Picture Post



Have you ever seen something so adorable? 2 Weeks left then he is mine!!

She's Back!

Hello everyone!

As you can see I am back. Luis the squirrel informs me that no one tried to break into my house or car, mostly because there is nothing of interest in either. He is rude like that. I am glad my house is in good shape, minus one dead fish, but whatever he isn’t all that fancy.

So, in a clever plan to not forget any of my trip and also so I can relay it all to you lovely readers I brought a big notebook to write in every night. Want to know what I did instead? Fell asleep. The latest I ever stayed up was about 11:40 on the very last night because I was excited to go home. Also because the bed was not very comfortable and it was near impossible to fall asleep despite being exhausted.

But really out of the whole trip, the only complaint was the beds. Everything else was super awesome. I will give you the highlights because I don’t think anyone wants to hear a play by play.

Catamaran Tour: Get on a neat boat with a cool net thing at the front so you are suspended over the ocean in places. Boated over to the Dolphararium, apparently this is a word, and go into a dolphin tank and hug, kiss, hold and pet a dolphin. Dave and I dawdled after our turn in the dolphin tank and got to go get a really cool picture in another dolphin tank of them jumping from the water to kiss me.  After dolphins we went snorkeling in the ocean. Then we boated to an island for lunch which was very tasty and then played on the beach for a couple hours and then boated home. It was a very nice day.

Jeep Tour: Drove around in a big convoy of jeeps with a couple from BC who were really nice and adventured around. Went to a cave and Dave went swimming. Then drove to a place to snorkel along a coral reef which was much harder than I anticipated. Then drove to a farm thing for a lunch which was iffy but the place was kind of fun. I held a couple baby goats which was amazing. They were so light and soft and cute and I want to get a goat when I get a farm one day. Then we went to another farm that grew various fruits and ate sugar cane and then listened as the lady was saying how the chemicals cause cancer and how cancer is the biggest cause of death in Cuba. Then Dave turned to me and said “Yes, it’s the chemicals not the constant chain smoking cigars and gallons of rum consumed.” And we laughed and then were glared at a bit. Then we drove back and went to the hotel.

So those were the two big things that we did. Otherwise we were wandering the resort which was nice and pretty big. Played in the ocean a lot and did a lot of walking. I think I may be in slightly better shape than when I left which is weird.

This is super awkward writing… Mostly because I don’t think anyone really wants to hear about my trip because I live in Canada and everyone else was in the cold while I hugged a dolphin, and also because I am sitting in the tunnels under my work on my tiny laptop and strangers sat down next to me. These ones don’t ever ask if its okay, they just glare at me until I move my bag and sit down.

Oh well, not my table I suppose.

I should have gone to the Tim’s but it’s too cold to go outside. Although then I would have had internet… I am actually typing this in Word and I will copy paste it later. My plan today was actually to start writing but I haven’t written in here for a long time and I missed it.

So what did I miss? I know I missed a lot probably… something cool had to have happened. I did miss the announcement of ADAM FREAKING WEST coming to Comicon. So now I hope I can go. I kind of NEED to go. But I really don’t know how it works, I know there are big lines and stuff unless you buy this 200$ pass and I don’t think I can afford that. I have never been to Comicon but I feel as though it might just be where I belong. I need to go on EBay and get my comic book collection caught up. Since I changed jobs I am now too far to walk to the comic book shop at lunch time so I am like… 6 months behind. It’s upsetting.

Tonight I go visit my petite poochy! I hope he is still adorable and that his head is growing nice and round. It was so hard to pick one when they all kind of look like sausages… but I think he will be awesome no matter what. I also don’t quite understand how the lady who has them can tell them apart… they all looked mostly alike.

Ugh, I so don’t want to go back to work. My job has succeeded in sucking all the relaxed and rejuvenated feelings that I had gained in the last week in the first two minutes of arriving. Today I had this horrible feeling that I had been fired and someone forgot to tell me. I got to work, my office had a stack of boxes in it full of stuff, my chair was gone, and when I checked my email there was one saying the pay department cancelled my pay until my boss confirms that I was coming back. It was weird and stupid and my boss agreed that it was dumb. Really just wanted to run away as soon as all of this happened.

I need to escape again… I just need to go hide in a cavern built of mattresses and duvets. Otherwise known as my bed.

Anyway, I guess I should go back to work…. Well, spell check, save and then go back to work. Then I need to remember to put this online when I get home, but if you’re reading this then obviously I am more clever than we thought.

Okay so I opened this to post this post and apparently I dropped my laptop again like last time and now its techno coloured and hurts my eyes. i don't know how to fix it, last time I just left the computer alone for two months and it was fixed. Let's hope this happens again because I don't want to have to buy a new netbook.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013


This is kind of a test.. Apparently I can post from email to this crazy address... We will see if it works.

The point of this test is also to say: HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRAMPIE!!!!!!! I meant to call you yesterday because tonight I will be running around like a fool and tomorrow ill be sitting on a beach phone-less. So I am writing this quick post in hopes you still read this hooplah and see this.

I hope you have a great birthday and an even better year! Love you always!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

BIG News

Hello everyone!

Today I have some very exciting new to share. Well actually I have two exciting Newses to share. Whats the plural of news? I have two exciting pieces of information to share! Yes, that will be easier grammatically.


I am going to CUBA! For a whole week. It should be fun I think. I am really nervous for the whole flying part because I have only gone in an airplane once and I had my dad with me who knows everything about airplanes even how to crash them so I wasn't too scared. (Side story, once my dad crashed an airplane, moving on). This time its just me and Dave going to an all inclusive resort. I am mostly just nervous for the flying and the getting from the airport to the hotel. I have been assured that there should be people to direct us to the appropriate mode of transportation so I should not worry, but telling me not to worry tends to make me worry more about being so worried and then I start to hyperventilate and forget to use punctuation. Ya. So, Once I am there it should be exciting. Hopefully they have good french fries there because I intend to eat nothing but. Also, I don't know the luggage restrictions but I need to bring basically an entire suitcase filled with sunscreen. I am built of apparently flammable material so if the sun sees me it will turn my skin into raw tomato skin and light it on fire. Other than that, it should be amazing.


This is the best news EVER guys. I mean, life altering, forever changing my outlook, inspiring, amazing, happiness inducing, heart warming, best news ever kind of news. A new little bundle of love will be joining my household shortly. Ha! Grandparents are you breathing? I am not pregnant. I said this was GOOD news. I AM GETTING A PUPPY! not just any puppy.... A PUG!

[caption id="attachment_276" align="alignnone" width="2592"]better than a baby! better than a baby![/caption]

He is still super tiny, only three weeks old so I must be patient and wait until February until he can come home. Then, my blog is likely to turn into a collection of pictures of my little unnamed friend in various outfits or doing random things. It's going to be awesome.

So far we haven't picked a name. Dave didn't get to come with me to meet him because he was working so I brought Sandy with me - mostly to protect myself from buying three pugs and shoving them into my pockets. I could have taken more time to actually pick.. there were two left to pick between. See, there was a picture of the father in the ad I replied to and she had raised the father from another little from her other pug, and when I got there and said he was the most handsome little man, she said that one of the babies was likely to look a lot like him. I was then hooked. She put this little man in my hands and then i didn't let him go. She had the other one also, who I am sure is just as glorious and adorable but I was just addicted to this tiny fella. He started to lick me and sucking on my fingers because he was hungry. It was adorable. It was near impossible to take a picture because he was all squirmy but how cute is he right? It hurts my heart a little, I can feel it stop beating every time I see his picture. Which is a lot because that picture is the background on my cell phone right now.

So that is all I have to say for now. I need to go finish taking down my Christmas tree. It is one of the very saddest days of the year for me... admitting its over is like killing joy for another 11 months. Also, I don't really enjoy the process of taking shit down. It's annoying and involves much walking up and down the stairs.

Oh! One more funny thing: I was taking down some of my tree decorations and realized that my Batmobile lost a wheel, and if you ever went to elementary school  you know that this is hilarious.

[caption id="attachment_277" align="alignnone" width="2592"]So my batmobile lost a wheel... So my batmobile lost a wheel...[/caption]

Saturday, January 5, 2013


Every year I get tricked into making a new year's resolution. I don't know why I bother, they never work and seem to only make me feel worse every January first when I realize how horribly I have failed and how I will never accomplish these ridiculous goals because I am lazy.

"But this year will be different!" I whine to myself, "You really mean it this time!"

And then I am all, "No, I am sorry self, but you are just never going to learn to cook, that shits not happening."

And then inner me that hasn't yet learned that optimism is stupid is all "But, don't you see, if you give up all together and no longer feel the guilt you will get so out of control they will have to make a tv special about you on TLC.... Do you want a TV special on TLC?"

And then I burst into tears and relinquish control to the tiny spec of optimism and say between sobs "Okay, what do I have to do this year?"

And then it gave me the following list:

  1. Stop whining you lazy bastard. You can't complain that shits not happening when you aren't doing anything to make it happen.

  2. Make things happen.

  3. If you don't want to be fat anymore, get off your ass and exercise.

  4. If you hate your job and want to be a writer, write a book and try to sell it.

  5. If you don't want to be irrationally angry all the time... That you're on your own you crazy bastard.

Then as I glare at my inner self and realize that its sort of right. This year, I need to try to make things happen.

I want to be a writer, so I need to write. I want to lose weight so I need to exercise. I wish I were less angry, but I feel like then I would lose all that lovely charm that you come back for each and every time I post some bitter rant about teenagers or toothbrushes. My irrationally angry nature will one day pay my way so that can stay. Another thing I need to do, is accept myself for what I am: An irrationally angry and bitter weirdo who is getting nerdier the old she gets and who may never actually accomplish any of her goals but will continue trying for as long as the slight morsel of optimism stays alive in that dark scary place where the good parts normal people have hide in me in fear of my personality.

That's a really long run on sentence that will not be corrected. Editing can be next years problem.

I haven't loaded my sketchbook software yet so no pictures. I will do that tomorrow.... Probably... Maybe... We'll see... No promises... I am already getting lazy and its only 5 days into the year... This is not looking so good.

Shopping is Best When Done in the Comfort of Your Sweatpants!