"But this year will be different!" I whine to myself, "You really mean it this time!"
And then I am all, "No, I am sorry self, but you are just never going to learn to cook, that shits not happening."
And then inner me that hasn't yet learned that optimism is stupid is all "But, don't you see, if you give up all together and no longer feel the guilt you will get so out of control they will have to make a tv special about you on TLC.... Do you want a TV special on TLC?"
And then I burst into tears and relinquish control to the tiny spec of optimism and say between sobs "Okay, what do I have to do this year?"
And then it gave me the following list:
- Stop whining you lazy bastard. You can't complain that shits not happening when you aren't doing anything to make it happen.
- Make things happen.
- If you don't want to be fat anymore, get off your ass and exercise.
- If you hate your job and want to be a writer, write a book and try to sell it.
- If you don't want to be irrationally angry all the time... That you're on your own you crazy bastard.
Then as I glare at my inner self and realize that its sort of right. This year, I need to try to make things happen.
I want to be a writer, so I need to write. I want to lose weight so I need to exercise. I wish I were less angry, but I feel like then I would lose all that lovely charm that you come back for each and every time I post some bitter rant about teenagers or toothbrushes. My irrationally angry nature will one day pay my way so that can stay. Another thing I need to do, is accept myself for what I am: An irrationally angry and bitter weirdo who is getting nerdier the old she gets and who may never actually accomplish any of her goals but will continue trying for as long as the slight morsel of optimism stays alive in that dark scary place where the good parts normal people have hide in me in fear of my personality.
That's a really long run on sentence that will not be corrected. Editing can be next years problem.
I haven't loaded my sketchbook software yet so no pictures. I will do that tomorrow.... Probably... Maybe... We'll see... No promises... I am already getting lazy and its only 5 days into the year... This is not looking so good.