See, when you work here people send you many emails every day and about 85-95% of them have nothing to do with you. So I was just remembering that I needed to set my little response for when one of these unnecessary emails comes in and thought that instead of writing the typical :
"I will be out of the office until x date. Please contact so-and-so with any urgent matters."
I think this is what I would rather put:
"Hello chump.
I am currently on holidays and you obviously aren't.
That must suck for you.
I see you have sent me an email. I hope you are not expecting a reply any time soon because I am gone for days and even when I get back I won't get to this crap for a few hours mostly because I am lazy and don't care. Now, if this is URGENT, then you need to get a reality check. We work here... there are no life-saving or mind-altering experiments going on so it probably can wait. Unless this email is about a swarm of miniature unicorns circling your desk whispering about your impending doom then I honestly don't care. If you really think its urgent, then I guess you can try to complain to so-and-so but I can pretty much guarantee they will judge you just as much as I am going to when I get back.
I hope your non-holidays were decent. Also, you should get that unicorn problem looked into they sound like a hazard to your sanity.
Bye."
I think I am going to get fired soon.
