Apparently I am ignoring you

Sorry about that. I lie a lot... Its probably would be a problem if I had a conscious but instead ... I have the internet.

Makes no sense but that's fine.

Sorry about ignoring you and lying that I would be back. But nothing has really been going on that I need the internet to know. My brains as messed up as usual except now I have netflix to distract me so that's always a good time.

Anyways that's all I had to say for right now. I will try to at the very very least post some pictures more often of random crap.

Here's one of Winston. He was legitimately asleep like this for a while. Snoring and everything. It was super uncomfortable for me as I was trying to draw Colleen's birthday card and his head was jabbing into my side.

Anyway have a nice day!
Sent on the TELUS Mobility network with BlackBerry

Real Post Coming Soon!

Sorry I've been MIA.

I will update this soon.

For now, enjoy this evil hamster.
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Chocolate Hangover

I went to visit my Grammie and Grampie (aka The Best grandparents ever) and my Grampie asked me why I wasn't updating as often. The simple answer: Nothing has been happening to me that is remotely entertaining.

I mean, there is always Winston who is just funny always, but I am pretty sure its one of those "you had to be there" things or the "my baby is so awesome" things where no one else cares that your thing can do slightly different things from theirs.

Anyways, all in all, nothing has really been happening.

I have been trying to be good diet-wise which never lasts long. Usually until the next holiday which in this case was easter. Now I am on a major Chocolate craving binge that I may or may not have satisfied by eating an entire solid bunny in one sitting. Whoops.

It's just... this is how it goes.

Logic Brain: "Don't eat anymore chocolate Tanya, you are A: fat enough and B:will just get fatter"

Hungry Tummy: "Or, you could eat one more Giant Kinder Egg and then you can go back to eating protein bars and counting calories."

Self: "Well that sounds good right brain?"

Brain: "No. Its lying. It always lies. It says just one more, but remember the freezer cake incident? And by incident I mean month."

Self: *shifty eyes* "I don't know what you are referring to but it doesn't sound like me.

Brain: "Or what about the KD binge that lasted several months, or the Ice cream addiction of any year after you began to eat food."

Tummy: "Don't listen to him, he's just bullying you. You are lovely just the way you are. No need to diet. You have a brain, even if its annoying. If it was so smart it could charm people into liking you for your personality!"

Personality: "Hey! Don't drag me into this mess, you know I'm unreliable and mostly unpleasant!"

Self: "Please all of you stop yelling!"

Brain: "Shut up all of you, her sanity is barely hanging on here, we can't all fight otherwise she will lose what she has left"

Sanity: "Pickles are the most majestic of all the fruits."

Brain: "See. It's too late."

 

And that's how I lost my sanity because I was hungry for chocolate. Did that make sense? Grampie, regret asking me to post more? Now you are probably just worried about me...

The only thing that concerns me about all this is that I don't even like pickles. They freak me right out.

PS: People of Fox - do you see what happens when you don't air New Girl on its appropriate day? This happens.

 

More Work Haikus

At work once again.
I think I would rather be,
Anywhere else now.

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Ask Luis #1

Luis has finally received his first question. I know, it may have taken a while to trust the attack-squirrel however here is the first anonymous request for Luis help, Take it away Luis!

Hello all,


My name is Luis. I am here to talk to  you about video game addiction. A reader asks:

"Dear Luis,
I have recently started playing the new Sim City game and find myself losing hours at a time! Please help me with this issue.... thanks!
;)"

Well Reader, the problem you seem to be facing is guilt. Guilt that you are missing out on other seemingly important aspects of your day. Here is where the mistake is, you have nothing to worry about. Guilt is only necessary as a courtesy response when you forget people exist because the truth is, the computer versions are probably more interesting. But the real lesson here is: Get better at pretending to care. There is no need to feel guilty about playing video games until you get called out on it, and then, AND ONLY THEN, do you have to pretend to care. Use the following excuses to better peoples sympathy for your new found addiction:

1. My clock broke and I thought it was still three hours ago.


2. I fell asleep in front of the computer and my head must have double clicked the mouse to open this game when it fell on the desk!


3. Video game addiction is a real disease it says so on the internet!

Then if they STILL try to make you feel bad for enjoying the company of the fake people over the real one, just teach them how to play the game and install it on their own computer. This way you can enjoy silent gaming time together. That is the idea that won me a Nobel prize my friend. 

This has been another segment of, Ask Luis. 

Thanks Luis!

No problem Tanya. Someone has to pull their weight around here.

Now Luis that is rude.

Anyways, if you have a question for Luis, please send him an email at askluis@yellowshoesinthecity.com  and he will do his very best to answer you in a timely and efficient manner. Hope Luis solves your problem reader!

[caption id="attachment_363" align="alignnone" width="794"] Luis is always #1[/caption]

Motivate me ... please?

Hello the internet.

I desperately need to start working on my book, however the getting started is really hard. There are only so many times I can allow myself to write out my plot and character descriptions before I need to start putting pencil to paper... Well, fingers to keyboard and start clackiting away.

I think my main problem is that my "inspired" times come when they are not really desirable. Like when I have other crap I should be doing or when my house is too noisy to focus my thoughts. That was part of the reason that Nanowrimo was so great because I had a legitimate excuse to all the people around me.

When they would say things like "Tanya, the glaring light of your computer screen is turning your skin blue, please go outside!" I could reply with, "Not yet, word count not met. Also we live in Canada and its November". Or things like "Tanya, I don't think you have showered in a week" I could just say things such as "No need to shower, not leaving the house!"

The problem with non-november is I have very little excuse - at least one that seems valid enough. I do need to start... Which I will do... Soon. The planning is fine. .

I also have a meeting in the works with the Book Doctors. I bought their book after entering this contest that I didn't win and so I get a free 20 minute consultation with them which is overwhelmingly cool. However I think I should write at least some of the novel before I bother them with questions. Very exciting either way!

Anyways... this is not interesting or relevant to anything (because you know, the rest of this blog makes so much sense).

Have a nice rest of your time traveled Sunday! Stupid day light savings. Tomorrow I get to wake up at what would have been 4 am yesterday. That makes no sense to anyone but what you need to take from it is I am displeased and will be very tired.

BYE!

I Know Nothing

I currently have a job. It is an okay job - not great, but I mean I am not scrapping human feces off of anything or trying to wrangle demonic pheasants so I suppose I don't have a lot I could complain about.

The main issue with my job is that it has an expiry date. I am currently on a contract. These contracts cannot have more then 90 days in one calender year. I run out of days on June 19th. So by June 19th, I need to figure out what the hell I am supposed to do with my life, or at the very least, what the hell I am going to do to make enough money to pay my mortgage. Way to go on the whole buying a house thing without a solid job Tanya... you really thought that one through. Oh well, at least my house is fun.

I briefly looking into writing jobs, like a freelance position I could do from home. The thing about that is, the people who hire freelance writers always want people who are knowledgeable in stuff. I am knowledgeable about nothing. Except maybe Cheese Pizza. Is there a website out there who needs to know about the various ratings of cheese pizzas in the Ottawa region? Because I could whip that up for you in a hurry.

I was trying so hard to think about what I know about, so here is a list of things that I am probably qualified to talk about:

• Cheese Pizza in Ottawa and its surrounding regions


• Having and ignoring various illnesses/medical conditions


• Skip Bo (the card game)


• Acceptable times to wear sweatpants (spoiler alert, its always)


• Wanting to be something that you will probably never achieve


• Being bad at spelling


• wishing you lived in tv shows.

I think the only thing I could possible ever be paid to write about, would be TV. I love TV. But I suppose I don't watch enough TV, or any of the "fancy" tv shows that are all up in the critical business.

I will start reviewing TV shows and then maybe someone will be generous enough to just throw money at me while I do it. Wouldn't that just be great?

I could review the crap out of New Girl. I am fan-girl cuh-razy about that business. I will next week. I literally watch each episode at the bare minimum 3 times. It is probably pathetic, but I don't even care. I also watch a lot of Community, Big Bang Theory, How I Met Your Mother, the Office, and other shows that are guilty pleasures.

Should I start reviewing stuff? Would that be a useful purpose for this mess of a blog? I know I haven't blogged much lately, but I have a legitimate excuse: I had literally nothing to say. At least nothing that I need the internet to know.... My life is not that interesting unfortunately... and I promised to not turn this into the Winston the puppy show. Although who are we kidding, that would sell better than anything because who can resist that dog? Cutest ever.

Anyways, I am going to go. I haven't drawn you a picture in a while... but that isn't going to change today because its almost Community/Big Bang time. Everyone go watch community immediately to bring up ratings so we can have a fifth season without Pierce!