Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Really Canada?

So as you all may or may not know, I am Canadian. I am pretty pleased with my country of residence for the most part. When I break bones, someone heals me, when I am snowed-in my house, someone will eventually plow my road.

As you may have read previously I have a small issue with the new bills. I know there is apparently all kinds of controversy about them now regarding some woman being removed, but I did not know this and just concern myself more with Kate Whats-her-face being a scientist.

I have a new issue with the money though.

Last night, we went to the bank so Dave could get cash out to buy his enormous TV for the home theater we are building in the basement and because Costco is evil smart and doesn't believe in credit cards you need cash or excessively high debit card limits. We chose cash. So Dave got the however much money (burglars don't even think of robbing him... he has anger problems and ninja training) and as we got into the car his phone rang. He was talking on the phone while he double checked the number of bills and he kept flipping the money into my nose. I obviously had no clue why so I was all : "WTF stop!"

He then hung up the phone and explained his erratic behaviour by saying: "It smells like maple syrup" to which I responded, "So we need to go to the hospital then because you are having a stroke" (but only in my head because usually he is right about weird things like this and then I look twice as crazy for doubting him). I think he noticed the disbelief on my face, or he just liked to slap me in the face with a wad of money because he again hit me in the nose. This time I knew to smell and I was instantly convinced I was  crazy and delusional because I legitimately smelled something vaguely resembling maple syrup, or at least what a scented candle would smell like if it was the cheap dollar store variety.

He explained that its among the many new features of these increasingly ridiculous new bills. Not only that, but in one of the maple leafs on the thing, if you shine a laser through it you can see numbers. Although reading about it seems as though lasers will make it explode or something. I am not 100% sure because I don't have the attention span to read it.
All I had to say was: "We aren't a joke enough to the other countries, but now we have scratch and sniff money?"

He was too busy being excited for his TV to realize I am a comedic genius but I am sure I will be appreciated one day... Probably just ahead of my time.

I can't be sure if its legit or not. Its not on the mint website, but I guess they wouldn't want to brag about having scratch and sniff money in case the other Americas get fed up with being associated with us and take over once and for all. I hope not though. There money is so boring.

At least now, blind people will be able to know if you are short changing them. Once they roll this out they can be all, "hey you owe me one maple syrup and three ice rinks not two beaver tails and one poutine!" Is that offensive? Probably. Sorry. Before my time again.

That top word is supposed to say Mountie but I spelled it wrong because I am really smart like that.
I blame google for not working when I need it


  1. Comdeic I say! Remember when we had smelly markers? I miss them... I too was concerned the first time a waft of maple syrup came out of money... !


    yep... apparently we DO have scratch and sniff money ... I think it only works when there are a bunch together though...


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