Friday, September 7, 2012

Letters to my Day: Volume 2

Alright, so yesterday I took care of the before work portion. Today I guess I need to do the at work portion.

Dear security people,

I try to smile at you and say good morning, but only one of you ever says it back. I guess your job is even more boring then mine, however at least you don't have to figure out what to wear in the morning. That would be nice. I hate picking out clothes at 5am. I always end up looking like a homeless high school kid.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Elevators,

We had a good run so far. I only almost got stuck in you once, and really you were just moving incredibly slow. Please don't try to trap me today. I know sometimes you apparently like to drop for ten-15 stories but I would prefer if you didn't because it is my last day and I don't have any extra pants.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Computer,

I am glad I got a new version of you, however now your boot up time is slightly too fast so my reading the newspaper looks less okay. Thanks for working some of the time anyways. We had our issues, but you would always pull through in the end. Sorry I stuck so many post-its to you, unless you liked them, then you're welcome.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Dragon Lady,

You will never cease to confuse me. You are nice enough as a person but I really think you need to be mildly sedated. Nothing is as important as you make it seem so please just relax. If the emails don't get printed, the world continues to turn. Its a freaking miracle. Also, people are taking bets as to when you will have a melt down. I am telling you this because I care. And because my date is in two weeks and I need you to hit it. Just kidding. No ones taking bets. That would be inappropriate and rude. I am never either of those things. Anyways, good luck I suppose. Sorry if I hurt your feelings with my efficiency.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear Leprechaun,

You for sure need a sedative. Or any other form of drugs. Please calm down before you hurt someone. Also, I will recommend you some brands on conditioner, because as a person with crazy hair I understand the challenges but there are few excuses for this. Good luck with that.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear People I will legitimately miss,

There are many people here that were extremely good to me during my time here. You let me wear yellow shoes to a professional building, you let me make a giant super hero and baby animals collage, you let me not have to learn french and most importantly, several of you even pretended to laugh when I made jokes. Thank you so much for being so awesome. You made each day a bit more bearable.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear the Bathroom,

I don't understand you. Why don't you ever seem clean. The people here are grown ups. You need a mechanism that doesn't allowed idiots into you. I am sick of walking into your stalls only to find the toilet seat lined with paper and the toilet filled with urine. There should be a time limit from entering the bathroom to peeing. If your pre-peeing routine is so long that you will forget what your supposed to do after you pee, you shouldn't be allowed in. Work on that bathroom.

Sincerely,
Tanya

Dear everyone else,

Either I didn't talk to you, you didn't talk to me or we didn't even the other existed. Some I knew but thought you were strange, and some of you though I was strange. Let's just call it a truce and say that if you work here, you need to be at least 70% crazy 90% of the time. I might be more like 97% crazy 98.5% of the time so I understand your reservations in talking to me.

Sincerely,
Tanya


Dear bus home,

Stop being full of teenagers and stop using the half size buses. School is back and I have very little desire to be smushed up against two idiot teens who thing making out on the bus is romantic.

Sincerely,
Tanya


So that's pretty much it for the good byes. I probably missed someone, but luckily for me (and my ability to ever get references again) they don't really know about this blog. *phew*


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