Hi!
As you may have noticed, this is looking a little different. You see, I have invested in a new website thinger so I own my own Domain and what this involves is apparently trying to build an entirely new website out of thin air and knowledge I do not possess. What this means for you is, annoying daily changes and confusing new ways to read this. Hopefully I figure this out sooner rather than later and without having to buy anything... I just wanted my website to be fancy and instead I have just become completely confused and have no idea how to do anything. I am not even sure if or how to post this apology to you. I also have no idea how to add pictures in a post so this one won't have a picture but it will have a promise.
I promise I will try my best to fix this site and make it pretty. Hopefully soon because I am so confused. Please don't abandon me now! You've come this far!
Showing posts with label ive lost my mind. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ive lost my mind. Show all posts
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Monday, September 17, 2012
Sorry!
I have not been posting as much as before but that's because of two reasons.
First of all, I am lazy as all hell.
Second, I have been crazy.
So the lazy parts obvious. I am a lazy type person for the most part because being lazy is nice. I have to get to doing something, but I took the first week off of being mostly lazy. You would think that I would have slept more but instead my mind wants to stay awake all the time because I can.
Back to the crazy, I guess its the after effect of the lack of work stuff stealing all my mental capacities but its leaving too many thoughts in my brain. Its as though for the last few years my brain was being strangled and now that I have killed the strangling jerk I now have about four years of babble streaming through my mind.
Unfortunately that means that I cannot quite differentiate between the witty and the crazy which isn't much different from usual but it does make me very tired.
So instead of blogging I have been watching Gilmore Girls and waiting for my brain to reset. So don't be mad at me, I will fix it soon! Or my brain will get sucked dry at my next job so then my thoughts wont be so fuzzy. I will draw you a picture later. I am busy trying to watch what happens after Jess gets sent back to New York.
Also, there is something stuck under my keyboard and I can't get it out. but that's not important right now.
First of all, I am lazy as all hell.
Second, I have been crazy.
So the lazy parts obvious. I am a lazy type person for the most part because being lazy is nice. I have to get to doing something, but I took the first week off of being mostly lazy. You would think that I would have slept more but instead my mind wants to stay awake all the time because I can.
Back to the crazy, I guess its the after effect of the lack of work stuff stealing all my mental capacities but its leaving too many thoughts in my brain. Its as though for the last few years my brain was being strangled and now that I have killed the strangling jerk I now have about four years of babble streaming through my mind.
Unfortunately that means that I cannot quite differentiate between the witty and the crazy which isn't much different from usual but it does make me very tired.
So instead of blogging I have been watching Gilmore Girls and waiting for my brain to reset. So don't be mad at me, I will fix it soon! Or my brain will get sucked dry at my next job so then my thoughts wont be so fuzzy. I will draw you a picture later. I am busy trying to watch what happens after Jess gets sent back to New York.
Also, there is something stuck under my keyboard and I can't get it out. but that's not important right now.
Sorry!
I have not been posting as much as before but that's because of two reasons.
First of all, I am lazy as all hell.
Second, I have been crazy.
So the lazy parts obvious. I am a lazy type person for the most part because being lazy is nice. I have to get to doing something, but I took the first week off of being mostly lazy. You would think that I would have slept more but instead my mind wants to stay awake all the time because I can.
Back to the crazy, I guess its the after effect of the lack of work stuff stealing all my mental capacities but its leaving too many thoughts in my brain. Its as though for the last few years my brain was being strangled and now that I have killed the strangling jerk I now have about four years of babble streaming through my mind.
Unfortunately that means that I cannot quite differentiate between the witty and the crazy which isn't much different from usual but it does make me very tired.
So instead of blogging I have been watching Gilmore Girls and waiting for my brain to reset. So don't be mad at me, I will fix it soon! Or my brain will get sucked dry at my next job so then my thoughts wont be so fuzzy. I will draw you a picture later. I am busy trying to watch what happens after Jess gets sent back to New York.
Also, there is something stuck under my keyboard and I can't get it out. but that's not important right now.
First of all, I am lazy as all hell.
Second, I have been crazy.
So the lazy parts obvious. I am a lazy type person for the most part because being lazy is nice. I have to get to doing something, but I took the first week off of being mostly lazy. You would think that I would have slept more but instead my mind wants to stay awake all the time because I can.
Back to the crazy, I guess its the after effect of the lack of work stuff stealing all my mental capacities but its leaving too many thoughts in my brain. Its as though for the last few years my brain was being strangled and now that I have killed the strangling jerk I now have about four years of babble streaming through my mind.
Unfortunately that means that I cannot quite differentiate between the witty and the crazy which isn't much different from usual but it does make me very tired.
So instead of blogging I have been watching Gilmore Girls and waiting for my brain to reset. So don't be mad at me, I will fix it soon! Or my brain will get sucked dry at my next job so then my thoughts wont be so fuzzy. I will draw you a picture later. I am busy trying to watch what happens after Jess gets sent back to New York.
Also, there is something stuck under my keyboard and I can't get it out. but that's not important right now.
Thursday, September 13, 2012
None of this Makes Sense.
WARNING: THIS MAKES NO SENSE! IT IS YOUR OWN FAULT IF YOU READ IT.. JUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE OKAY?
Being from a small town I am very used to driving behind tractors and other large machinery. Hell, I have driven large machinery on the road. There is a level of courtesy that people driving tractors usually have. The tractors in the country usually (not always) move over off the main part of the road when someone is driving behind them. They drive partially on the shoulder so that you can pass easily.
However, the city tractors they never move. They just hunker down in the middle of the road and slowly mosey up. It pisses me off to no end. I don't see why today on my way to get groceries I needed to follow a tractor up the entire way when there was a paved shoulder almost as wide as the road. I am not allowed to pass on the shoulder, however tractors can pretty much drive where ever they want because they are bigger then everyone.
Why don't they move? Why do the tractors in the city feel the need to take up the road? Its just so rude.
On another note, I watch too much TV. I honestly really should stop. I mean, I am not going to but I probably should.
I just saw a commercial for weight watchers and its Jessica Simpson. I used to hate her so much more when she was perfect looking and trying to be a singer. Now that she just does her other stuff she doesn't irritate me as much. Also because she actually gained weight when she was pregnant it makes her seem more human. The thing about her that makes me feel bad for her is that everyone thinks she stupid. Which based on her television show from a long time ago, she just might be. However the new quote that is going around makes me feel sad. I don't know if its her or the way they are spinning it. I would assume its a joke on her part. Or shes really dumb. She apparently said something that "she didn't realize the weight wouldn't all come off with the baby" I think that is a joke right? It has to be.
This makes no sense. I have no logic today. In that theme:
Being from a small town I am very used to driving behind tractors and other large machinery. Hell, I have driven large machinery on the road. There is a level of courtesy that people driving tractors usually have. The tractors in the country usually (not always) move over off the main part of the road when someone is driving behind them. They drive partially on the shoulder so that you can pass easily.
However, the city tractors they never move. They just hunker down in the middle of the road and slowly mosey up. It pisses me off to no end. I don't see why today on my way to get groceries I needed to follow a tractor up the entire way when there was a paved shoulder almost as wide as the road. I am not allowed to pass on the shoulder, however tractors can pretty much drive where ever they want because they are bigger then everyone.
Why don't they move? Why do the tractors in the city feel the need to take up the road? Its just so rude.
On another note, I watch too much TV. I honestly really should stop. I mean, I am not going to but I probably should.
I just saw a commercial for weight watchers and its Jessica Simpson. I used to hate her so much more when she was perfect looking and trying to be a singer. Now that she just does her other stuff she doesn't irritate me as much. Also because she actually gained weight when she was pregnant it makes her seem more human. The thing about her that makes me feel bad for her is that everyone thinks she stupid. Which based on her television show from a long time ago, she just might be. However the new quote that is going around makes me feel sad. I don't know if its her or the way they are spinning it. I would assume its a joke on her part. Or shes really dumb. She apparently said something that "she didn't realize the weight wouldn't all come off with the baby" I think that is a joke right? It has to be.
This makes no sense. I have no logic today. In that theme:
None of this Makes Sense.
WARNING: THIS MAKES NO SENSE! IT IS YOUR OWN FAULT IF YOU READ IT.. JUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT ONE OKAY?
Being from a small town I am very used to driving behind tractors and other large machinery. Hell, I have driven large machinery on the road. There is a level of courtesy that people driving tractors usually have. The tractors in the country usually (not always) move over off the main part of the road when someone is driving behind them. They drive partially on the shoulder so that you can pass easily.
However, the city tractors they never move. They just hunker down in the middle of the road and slowly mosey up. It pisses me off to no end. I don't see why today on my way to get groceries I needed to follow a tractor up the entire way when there was a paved shoulder almost as wide as the road. I am not allowed to pass on the shoulder, however tractors can pretty much drive where ever they want because they are bigger then everyone.
Why don't they move? Why do the tractors in the city feel the need to take up the road? Its just so rude.
On another note, I watch too much TV. I honestly really should stop. I mean, I am not going to but I probably should.
I just saw a commercial for weight watchers and its Jessica Simpson. I used to hate her so much more when she was perfect looking and trying to be a singer. Now that she just does her other stuff she doesn't irritate me as much. Also because she actually gained weight when she was pregnant it makes her seem more human. The thing about her that makes me feel bad for her is that everyone thinks she stupid. Which based on her television show from a long time ago, she just might be. However the new quote that is going around makes me feel sad. I don't know if its her or the way they are spinning it. I would assume its a joke on her part. Or shes really dumb. She apparently said something that "she didn't realize the weight wouldn't all come off with the baby" I think that is a joke right? It has to be.
This makes no sense. I have no logic today. In that theme:
Being from a small town I am very used to driving behind tractors and other large machinery. Hell, I have driven large machinery on the road. There is a level of courtesy that people driving tractors usually have. The tractors in the country usually (not always) move over off the main part of the road when someone is driving behind them. They drive partially on the shoulder so that you can pass easily.
However, the city tractors they never move. They just hunker down in the middle of the road and slowly mosey up. It pisses me off to no end. I don't see why today on my way to get groceries I needed to follow a tractor up the entire way when there was a paved shoulder almost as wide as the road. I am not allowed to pass on the shoulder, however tractors can pretty much drive where ever they want because they are bigger then everyone.
Why don't they move? Why do the tractors in the city feel the need to take up the road? Its just so rude.
On another note, I watch too much TV. I honestly really should stop. I mean, I am not going to but I probably should.
I just saw a commercial for weight watchers and its Jessica Simpson. I used to hate her so much more when she was perfect looking and trying to be a singer. Now that she just does her other stuff she doesn't irritate me as much. Also because she actually gained weight when she was pregnant it makes her seem more human. The thing about her that makes me feel bad for her is that everyone thinks she stupid. Which based on her television show from a long time ago, she just might be. However the new quote that is going around makes me feel sad. I don't know if its her or the way they are spinning it. I would assume its a joke on her part. Or shes really dumb. She apparently said something that "she didn't realize the weight wouldn't all come off with the baby" I think that is a joke right? It has to be.
This makes no sense. I have no logic today. In that theme:
Friday, September 7, 2012
Letters to my Day: Volume 2
Alright, so yesterday I took care of the before work portion. Today I guess I need to do the at work portion.
Dear security people,
I try to smile at you and say good morning, but only one of you ever says it back. I guess your job is even more boring then mine, however at least you don't have to figure out what to wear in the morning. That would be nice. I hate picking out clothes at 5am. I always end up looking like a homeless high school kid.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Elevators,
We had a good run so far. I only almost got stuck in you once, and really you were just moving incredibly slow. Please don't try to trap me today. I know sometimes you apparently like to drop for ten-15 stories but I would prefer if you didn't because it is my last day and I don't have any extra pants.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Computer,
I am glad I got a new version of you, however now your boot up time is slightly too fast so my reading the newspaper looks less okay. Thanks for working some of the time anyways. We had our issues, but you would always pull through in the end. Sorry I stuck so many post-its to you, unless you liked them, then you're welcome.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Dragon Lady,
You will never cease to confuse me. You are nice enough as a person but I really think you need to be mildly sedated. Nothing is as important as you make it seem so please just relax. If the emails don't get printed, the world continues to turn. Its a freaking miracle. Also, people are taking bets as to when you will have a melt down. I am telling you this because I care. And because my date is in two weeks and I need you to hit it. Just kidding. No ones taking bets. That would be inappropriate and rude. I am never either of those things. Anyways, good luck I suppose. Sorry if I hurt your feelings with my efficiency.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Leprechaun,
You for sure need a sedative. Or any other form of drugs. Please calm down before you hurt someone. Also, I will recommend you some brands on conditioner, because as a person with crazy hair I understand the challenges but there are few excuses for this. Good luck with that.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear People I will legitimately miss,
There are many people here that were extremely good to me during my time here. You let me wear yellow shoes to a professional building, you let me make a giant super hero and baby animals collage, you let me not have to learn french and most importantly, several of you even pretended to laugh when I made jokes. Thank you so much for being so awesome. You made each day a bit more bearable.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear the Bathroom,
I don't understand you. Why don't you ever seem clean. The people here are grown ups. You need a mechanism that doesn't allowed idiots into you. I am sick of walking into your stalls only to find the toilet seat lined with paper and the toilet filled with urine. There should be a time limit from entering the bathroom to peeing. If your pre-peeing routine is so long that you will forget what your supposed to do after you pee, you shouldn't be allowed in. Work on that bathroom.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear everyone else,
Either I didn't talk to you, you didn't talk to me or we didn't even the other existed. Some I knew but thought you were strange, and some of you though I was strange. Let's just call it a truce and say that if you work here, you need to be at least 70% crazy 90% of the time. I might be more like 97% crazy 98.5% of the time so I understand your reservations in talking to me.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear bus home,
Stop being full of teenagers and stop using the half size buses. School is back and I have very little desire to be smushed up against two idiot teens who thing making out on the bus is romantic.
Sincerely,
Tanya
So that's pretty much it for the good byes. I probably missed someone, but luckily for me (and my ability to ever get references again) they don't really know about this blog. *phew*
Dear security people,
I try to smile at you and say good morning, but only one of you ever says it back. I guess your job is even more boring then mine, however at least you don't have to figure out what to wear in the morning. That would be nice. I hate picking out clothes at 5am. I always end up looking like a homeless high school kid.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Elevators,
We had a good run so far. I only almost got stuck in you once, and really you were just moving incredibly slow. Please don't try to trap me today. I know sometimes you apparently like to drop for ten-15 stories but I would prefer if you didn't because it is my last day and I don't have any extra pants.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Computer,
I am glad I got a new version of you, however now your boot up time is slightly too fast so my reading the newspaper looks less okay. Thanks for working some of the time anyways. We had our issues, but you would always pull through in the end. Sorry I stuck so many post-its to you, unless you liked them, then you're welcome.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Dragon Lady,
You will never cease to confuse me. You are nice enough as a person but I really think you need to be mildly sedated. Nothing is as important as you make it seem so please just relax. If the emails don't get printed, the world continues to turn. Its a freaking miracle. Also, people are taking bets as to when you will have a melt down. I am telling you this because I care. And because my date is in two weeks and I need you to hit it. Just kidding. No ones taking bets. That would be inappropriate and rude. I am never either of those things. Anyways, good luck I suppose. Sorry if I hurt your feelings with my efficiency.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Leprechaun,
You for sure need a sedative. Or any other form of drugs. Please calm down before you hurt someone. Also, I will recommend you some brands on conditioner, because as a person with crazy hair I understand the challenges but there are few excuses for this. Good luck with that.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear People I will legitimately miss,
There are many people here that were extremely good to me during my time here. You let me wear yellow shoes to a professional building, you let me make a giant super hero and baby animals collage, you let me not have to learn french and most importantly, several of you even pretended to laugh when I made jokes. Thank you so much for being so awesome. You made each day a bit more bearable.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear the Bathroom,
I don't understand you. Why don't you ever seem clean. The people here are grown ups. You need a mechanism that doesn't allowed idiots into you. I am sick of walking into your stalls only to find the toilet seat lined with paper and the toilet filled with urine. There should be a time limit from entering the bathroom to peeing. If your pre-peeing routine is so long that you will forget what your supposed to do after you pee, you shouldn't be allowed in. Work on that bathroom.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear everyone else,
Either I didn't talk to you, you didn't talk to me or we didn't even the other existed. Some I knew but thought you were strange, and some of you though I was strange. Let's just call it a truce and say that if you work here, you need to be at least 70% crazy 90% of the time. I might be more like 97% crazy 98.5% of the time so I understand your reservations in talking to me.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear bus home,
Stop being full of teenagers and stop using the half size buses. School is back and I have very little desire to be smushed up against two idiot teens who thing making out on the bus is romantic.
Sincerely,
Tanya
So that's pretty much it for the good byes. I probably missed someone, but luckily for me (and my ability to ever get references again) they don't really know about this blog. *phew*
Letters to my Day: Volume 2
Alright, so yesterday I took care of the before work portion. Today I guess I need to do the at work portion.
Dear security people,
I try to smile at you and say good morning, but only one of you ever says it back. I guess your job is even more boring then mine, however at least you don't have to figure out what to wear in the morning. That would be nice. I hate picking out clothes at 5am. I always end up looking like a homeless high school kid.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Elevators,
We had a good run so far. I only almost got stuck in you once, and really you were just moving incredibly slow. Please don't try to trap me today. I know sometimes you apparently like to drop for ten-15 stories but I would prefer if you didn't because it is my last day and I don't have any extra pants.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Computer,
I am glad I got a new version of you, however now your boot up time is slightly too fast so my reading the newspaper looks less okay. Thanks for working some of the time anyways. We had our issues, but you would always pull through in the end. Sorry I stuck so many post-its to you, unless you liked them, then you're welcome.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Dragon Lady,
You will never cease to confuse me. You are nice enough as a person but I really think you need to be mildly sedated. Nothing is as important as you make it seem so please just relax. If the emails don't get printed, the world continues to turn. Its a freaking miracle. Also, people are taking bets as to when you will have a melt down. I am telling you this because I care. And because my date is in two weeks and I need you to hit it. Just kidding. No ones taking bets. That would be inappropriate and rude. I am never either of those things. Anyways, good luck I suppose. Sorry if I hurt your feelings with my efficiency.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Leprechaun,
You for sure need a sedative. Or any other form of drugs. Please calm down before you hurt someone. Also, I will recommend you some brands on conditioner, because as a person with crazy hair I understand the challenges but there are few excuses for this. Good luck with that.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear People I will legitimately miss,
There are many people here that were extremely good to me during my time here. You let me wear yellow shoes to a professional building, you let me make a giant super hero and baby animals collage, you let me not have to learn french and most importantly, several of you even pretended to laugh when I made jokes. Thank you so much for being so awesome. You made each day a bit more bearable.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear the Bathroom,
I don't understand you. Why don't you ever seem clean. The people here are grown ups. You need a mechanism that doesn't allowed idiots into you. I am sick of walking into your stalls only to find the toilet seat lined with paper and the toilet filled with urine. There should be a time limit from entering the bathroom to peeing. If your pre-peeing routine is so long that you will forget what your supposed to do after you pee, you shouldn't be allowed in. Work on that bathroom.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear everyone else,
Either I didn't talk to you, you didn't talk to me or we didn't even the other existed. Some I knew but thought you were strange, and some of you though I was strange. Let's just call it a truce and say that if you work here, you need to be at least 70% crazy 90% of the time. I might be more like 97% crazy 98.5% of the time so I understand your reservations in talking to me.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear bus home,
Stop being full of teenagers and stop using the half size buses. School is back and I have very little desire to be smushed up against two idiot teens who thing making out on the bus is romantic.
Sincerely,
Tanya
So that's pretty much it for the good byes. I probably missed someone, but luckily for me (and my ability to ever get references again) they don't really know about this blog. *phew*
Dear security people,
I try to smile at you and say good morning, but only one of you ever says it back. I guess your job is even more boring then mine, however at least you don't have to figure out what to wear in the morning. That would be nice. I hate picking out clothes at 5am. I always end up looking like a homeless high school kid.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Elevators,
We had a good run so far. I only almost got stuck in you once, and really you were just moving incredibly slow. Please don't try to trap me today. I know sometimes you apparently like to drop for ten-15 stories but I would prefer if you didn't because it is my last day and I don't have any extra pants.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Computer,
I am glad I got a new version of you, however now your boot up time is slightly too fast so my reading the newspaper looks less okay. Thanks for working some of the time anyways. We had our issues, but you would always pull through in the end. Sorry I stuck so many post-its to you, unless you liked them, then you're welcome.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Dragon Lady,
You will never cease to confuse me. You are nice enough as a person but I really think you need to be mildly sedated. Nothing is as important as you make it seem so please just relax. If the emails don't get printed, the world continues to turn. Its a freaking miracle. Also, people are taking bets as to when you will have a melt down. I am telling you this because I care. And because my date is in two weeks and I need you to hit it. Just kidding. No ones taking bets. That would be inappropriate and rude. I am never either of those things. Anyways, good luck I suppose. Sorry if I hurt your feelings with my efficiency.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Leprechaun,
You for sure need a sedative. Or any other form of drugs. Please calm down before you hurt someone. Also, I will recommend you some brands on conditioner, because as a person with crazy hair I understand the challenges but there are few excuses for this. Good luck with that.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear People I will legitimately miss,
There are many people here that were extremely good to me during my time here. You let me wear yellow shoes to a professional building, you let me make a giant super hero and baby animals collage, you let me not have to learn french and most importantly, several of you even pretended to laugh when I made jokes. Thank you so much for being so awesome. You made each day a bit more bearable.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear the Bathroom,
I don't understand you. Why don't you ever seem clean. The people here are grown ups. You need a mechanism that doesn't allowed idiots into you. I am sick of walking into your stalls only to find the toilet seat lined with paper and the toilet filled with urine. There should be a time limit from entering the bathroom to peeing. If your pre-peeing routine is so long that you will forget what your supposed to do after you pee, you shouldn't be allowed in. Work on that bathroom.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear everyone else,
Either I didn't talk to you, you didn't talk to me or we didn't even the other existed. Some I knew but thought you were strange, and some of you though I was strange. Let's just call it a truce and say that if you work here, you need to be at least 70% crazy 90% of the time. I might be more like 97% crazy 98.5% of the time so I understand your reservations in talking to me.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear bus home,
Stop being full of teenagers and stop using the half size buses. School is back and I have very little desire to be smushed up against two idiot teens who thing making out on the bus is romantic.
Sincerely,
Tanya
So that's pretty much it for the good byes. I probably missed someone, but luckily for me (and my ability to ever get references again) they don't really know about this blog. *phew*
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Letters to my Day: Volume 1
As I have no business in politics, let's get back to my true wheel house: Strange and Weird things that make little to no sense.
I would like to write a series of open letters to the area in which I work because I am leaving in two days and will be going to a new job a few block away. It doesn't sound so far but its a whole new set of things to learn.
Let's start at the beginning of my day.
Dear Alarm Clock,
F@#% you. I will not miss 5 am at all. I will see you in two weeks when I have to go back to work. But for now, shut up and stop being so bright.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear School Bag,
I use you because if I didn't I would forget all my passes and keys. I think we work well together, however I would like to know why the hell you are so heavy. There is nothing in you except two notebooks and my wallet and we all know I have no money. Be less heavy you porker.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Mom's Jeep,
Thank you for allowing me to sit in you all the time. However stop leaking oil because it smells bad and makes people nervous.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Bus Witch,
I look forward to having a couple weeks to rid myself of all your voodoo curses you have been mumbling at me every day as you exit the bus. I am almost sure you will still be there should I return, but if you could maybe use your witch craft for good and let me win the lottery I would totally buy you a broomstick so you wouldn't have to ride the bus anymore.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Miscellaneous Bus Drivers,
Every time I get used to one of you, you switch out drivers. That is fair because it is kind of the worst bus route ever. I would like to suggest that you stop using the smaller buses for a route that clearly needs a big one, and also when you pull away from the curb, stop being so evil and wobbly. I fall and its embarrassing and painful.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Newspaper Man,
Good luck and I hope people are nicer to you. Don't let the stuck up downtown people get you down. You should probably get a puppy or a small monkey, I hear that works for other people. Not that you are a beggar, but people love puppies. Better yet, give me a puppy and then I would take all of your newspapers to train my puppy. Do you see how this is a win win situation? I am so smart sometimes.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Tim Horton's Lady,
It is both an honour and an embarrassment that you now know exactly what I want and get it before I even have to say anything. Thank you for not seeming like your judging me even though you probably are.
Sincerely,
Tanya
We haven't even made it into my office yet. Clearly a lot of people have a big impact on me every single day. I think I will come back to this a bit later as the emotion is too much. Well, it would be if I were capable of feeling emotions like a normal person. Although I don't think normal people care about bus witches. That just shows you how nice of a person I am. Sort of.
I would like to write a series of open letters to the area in which I work because I am leaving in two days and will be going to a new job a few block away. It doesn't sound so far but its a whole new set of things to learn.
Let's start at the beginning of my day.
Dear Alarm Clock,
F@#% you. I will not miss 5 am at all. I will see you in two weeks when I have to go back to work. But for now, shut up and stop being so bright.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear School Bag,
I use you because if I didn't I would forget all my passes and keys. I think we work well together, however I would like to know why the hell you are so heavy. There is nothing in you except two notebooks and my wallet and we all know I have no money. Be less heavy you porker.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Mom's Jeep,
Thank you for allowing me to sit in you all the time. However stop leaking oil because it smells bad and makes people nervous.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Bus Witch,
I look forward to having a couple weeks to rid myself of all your voodoo curses you have been mumbling at me every day as you exit the bus. I am almost sure you will still be there should I return, but if you could maybe use your witch craft for good and let me win the lottery I would totally buy you a broomstick so you wouldn't have to ride the bus anymore.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Miscellaneous Bus Drivers,
Every time I get used to one of you, you switch out drivers. That is fair because it is kind of the worst bus route ever. I would like to suggest that you stop using the smaller buses for a route that clearly needs a big one, and also when you pull away from the curb, stop being so evil and wobbly. I fall and its embarrassing and painful.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Newspaper Man,
Good luck and I hope people are nicer to you. Don't let the stuck up downtown people get you down. You should probably get a puppy or a small monkey, I hear that works for other people. Not that you are a beggar, but people love puppies. Better yet, give me a puppy and then I would take all of your newspapers to train my puppy. Do you see how this is a win win situation? I am so smart sometimes.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Tim Horton's Lady,
It is both an honour and an embarrassment that you now know exactly what I want and get it before I even have to say anything. Thank you for not seeming like your judging me even though you probably are.
Sincerely,
Tanya
We haven't even made it into my office yet. Clearly a lot of people have a big impact on me every single day. I think I will come back to this a bit later as the emotion is too much. Well, it would be if I were capable of feeling emotions like a normal person. Although I don't think normal people care about bus witches. That just shows you how nice of a person I am. Sort of.
 |
| Stop eating so many pennies back pack. Too freakin' heavy. |
Letters to my Day: Volume 1
As I have no business in politics, let's get back to my true wheel house: Strange and Weird things that make little to no sense.
I would like to write a series of open letters to the area in which I work because I am leaving in two days and will be going to a new job a few block away. It doesn't sound so far but its a whole new set of things to learn.
Let's start at the beginning of my day.
Dear Alarm Clock,
F@#% you. I will not miss 5 am at all. I will see you in two weeks when I have to go back to work. But for now, shut up and stop being so bright.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear School Bag,
I use you because if I didn't I would forget all my passes and keys. I think we work well together, however I would like to know why the hell you are so heavy. There is nothing in you except two notebooks and my wallet and we all know I have no money. Be less heavy you porker.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Mom's Jeep,
Thank you for allowing me to sit in you all the time. However stop leaking oil because it smells bad and makes people nervous.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Bus Witch,
I look forward to having a couple weeks to rid myself of all your voodoo curses you have been mumbling at me every day as you exit the bus. I am almost sure you will still be there should I return, but if you could maybe use your witch craft for good and let me win the lottery I would totally buy you a broomstick so you wouldn't have to ride the bus anymore.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Miscellaneous Bus Drivers,
Every time I get used to one of you, you switch out drivers. That is fair because it is kind of the worst bus route ever. I would like to suggest that you stop using the smaller buses for a route that clearly needs a big one, and also when you pull away from the curb, stop being so evil and wobbly. I fall and its embarrassing and painful.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Newspaper Man,
Good luck and I hope people are nicer to you. Don't let the stuck up downtown people get you down. You should probably get a puppy or a small monkey, I hear that works for other people. Not that you are a beggar, but people love puppies. Better yet, give me a puppy and then I would take all of your newspapers to train my puppy. Do you see how this is a win win situation? I am so smart sometimes.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Tim Horton's Lady,
It is both an honour and an embarrassment that you now know exactly what I want and get it before I even have to say anything. Thank you for not seeming like your judging me even though you probably are.
Sincerely,
Tanya
We haven't even made it into my office yet. Clearly a lot of people have a big impact on me every single day. I think I will come back to this a bit later as the emotion is too much. Well, it would be if I were capable of feeling emotions like a normal person. Although I don't think normal people care about bus witches. That just shows you how nice of a person I am. Sort of.
I would like to write a series of open letters to the area in which I work because I am leaving in two days and will be going to a new job a few block away. It doesn't sound so far but its a whole new set of things to learn.
Let's start at the beginning of my day.
Dear Alarm Clock,
F@#% you. I will not miss 5 am at all. I will see you in two weeks when I have to go back to work. But for now, shut up and stop being so bright.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear School Bag,
I use you because if I didn't I would forget all my passes and keys. I think we work well together, however I would like to know why the hell you are so heavy. There is nothing in you except two notebooks and my wallet and we all know I have no money. Be less heavy you porker.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Mom's Jeep,
Thank you for allowing me to sit in you all the time. However stop leaking oil because it smells bad and makes people nervous.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Bus Witch,
I look forward to having a couple weeks to rid myself of all your voodoo curses you have been mumbling at me every day as you exit the bus. I am almost sure you will still be there should I return, but if you could maybe use your witch craft for good and let me win the lottery I would totally buy you a broomstick so you wouldn't have to ride the bus anymore.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Miscellaneous Bus Drivers,
Every time I get used to one of you, you switch out drivers. That is fair because it is kind of the worst bus route ever. I would like to suggest that you stop using the smaller buses for a route that clearly needs a big one, and also when you pull away from the curb, stop being so evil and wobbly. I fall and its embarrassing and painful.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Newspaper Man,
Good luck and I hope people are nicer to you. Don't let the stuck up downtown people get you down. You should probably get a puppy or a small monkey, I hear that works for other people. Not that you are a beggar, but people love puppies. Better yet, give me a puppy and then I would take all of your newspapers to train my puppy. Do you see how this is a win win situation? I am so smart sometimes.
Sincerely,
Tanya
Dear Tim Horton's Lady,
It is both an honour and an embarrassment that you now know exactly what I want and get it before I even have to say anything. Thank you for not seeming like your judging me even though you probably are.
Sincerely,
Tanya
We haven't even made it into my office yet. Clearly a lot of people have a big impact on me every single day. I think I will come back to this a bit later as the emotion is too much. Well, it would be if I were capable of feeling emotions like a normal person. Although I don't think normal people care about bus witches. That just shows you how nice of a person I am. Sort of.
|
| Stop eating so many pennies back pack. Too freakin' heavy. |
Thursday, August 30, 2012
She Doesn't Want my Kidney... UPDATED
So I was emailing my friend today because her cell phone died and because she thinks its sneaky if she uses work-related titles so people will think we are productive. Well I think I ruined our lovely friendship.
She said something harmless about teaching the new person how to scan things (because I am trying to not scan the stupid binder because it will take 4 hours and its not even for my division so screw that) and this new person is that divisions admin. I then responded with some weird noises and other things that resulted in saying she will need to bail me out of jail with her black-market kidney money but that I would totally give her one of my kidneys after so it would be okay because we would be like weird kidney sisters. However my kidneys are hardly holding up for me so I am sure they aren't suitable, but I think she would be fine. She eats healthier then me so I bet the kidney would flourish and then mine would die and then I would have no Kidneys and turn yellow.
Or is that when livers die? I don't know, Grey's Anatomy hasn't been on in a while and it got so stupid I never remember what happens just that I am upset with its terrible plot.
What was I saying? Oh right, so I think Crystal is afraid of me. She has only answered that she is concerned. Then I replied with something to the effect that this plan wouldn't work because she would need to heal from her kidney operation before coming to get me, and then by that point I would have stabbed the biggest and baddest person in jail because that's how you do. Otherwise you wont be the top dog and that wouldn't go well for me.
She hasn't answered me and I am concerned that she left to go find someone to take out her kidney in preparation to bail me out of jail.
Crystal: Plan didn't work out, new lady was busy. But I did get out of a four hour scanning job for today? So that's good. You should probably keep your kidneys until my next jail-type fake emergency.
Today has been a very long day. I think I need to lie down. maybe from all the kidney blood loss, or maybe because I am panicking over my best friend hating me or having the funny farm coming to take me away. that's not funny Crystal... not funny at all.
PS: Sorry Crystal. You put up with a lot of weird. I hope your bosses don't read you emails.
PPS: This is the reply I finally got and it is obvious and clear proof of whay she is my best friend: I really don't want to go through unnecessary surgery, but if such an occurrence arises, I'll do whatever.
She said something harmless about teaching the new person how to scan things (because I am trying to not scan the stupid binder because it will take 4 hours and its not even for my division so screw that) and this new person is that divisions admin. I then responded with some weird noises and other things that resulted in saying she will need to bail me out of jail with her black-market kidney money but that I would totally give her one of my kidneys after so it would be okay because we would be like weird kidney sisters. However my kidneys are hardly holding up for me so I am sure they aren't suitable, but I think she would be fine. She eats healthier then me so I bet the kidney would flourish and then mine would die and then I would have no Kidneys and turn yellow.
Or is that when livers die? I don't know, Grey's Anatomy hasn't been on in a while and it got so stupid I never remember what happens just that I am upset with its terrible plot.
What was I saying? Oh right, so I think Crystal is afraid of me. She has only answered that she is concerned. Then I replied with something to the effect that this plan wouldn't work because she would need to heal from her kidney operation before coming to get me, and then by that point I would have stabbed the biggest and baddest person in jail because that's how you do. Otherwise you wont be the top dog and that wouldn't go well for me.
She hasn't answered me and I am concerned that she left to go find someone to take out her kidney in preparation to bail me out of jail.
Crystal: Plan didn't work out, new lady was busy. But I did get out of a four hour scanning job for today? So that's good. You should probably keep your kidneys until my next jail-type fake emergency.
Today has been a very long day. I think I need to lie down. maybe from all the kidney blood loss, or maybe because I am panicking over my best friend hating me or having the funny farm coming to take me away. that's not funny Crystal... not funny at all.
PS: Sorry Crystal. You put up with a lot of weird. I hope your bosses don't read you emails.
PPS: This is the reply I finally got and it is obvious and clear proof of whay she is my best friend: I really don't want to go through unnecessary surgery, but if such an occurrence arises, I'll do whatever.
She Doesn't Want my Kidney... UPDATED
So I was emailing my friend today because her cell phone died and because she thinks its sneaky if she uses work-related titles so people will think we are productive. Well I think I ruined our lovely friendship.
She said something harmless about teaching the new person how to scan things (because I am trying to not scan the stupid binder because it will take 4 hours and its not even for my division so screw that) and this new person is that divisions admin. I then responded with some weird noises and other things that resulted in saying she will need to bail me out of jail with her black-market kidney money but that I would totally give her one of my kidneys after so it would be okay because we would be like weird kidney sisters. However my kidneys are hardly holding up for me so I am sure they aren't suitable, but I think she would be fine. She eats healthier then me so I bet the kidney would flourish and then mine would die and then I would have no Kidneys and turn yellow.
Or is that when livers die? I don't know, Grey's Anatomy hasn't been on in a while and it got so stupid I never remember what happens just that I am upset with its terrible plot.
What was I saying? Oh right, so I think Crystal is afraid of me. She has only answered that she is concerned. Then I replied with something to the effect that this plan wouldn't work because she would need to heal from her kidney operation before coming to get me, and then by that point I would have stabbed the biggest and baddest person in jail because that's how you do. Otherwise you wont be the top dog and that wouldn't go well for me.
She hasn't answered me and I am concerned that she left to go find someone to take out her kidney in preparation to bail me out of jail.
Crystal: Plan didn't work out, new lady was busy. But I did get out of a four hour scanning job for today? So that's good. You should probably keep your kidneys until my next jail-type fake emergency.
Today has been a very long day. I think I need to lie down. maybe from all the kidney blood loss, or maybe because I am panicking over my best friend hating me or having the funny farm coming to take me away. that's not funny Crystal... not funny at all.
PS: Sorry Crystal. You put up with a lot of weird. I hope your bosses don't read you emails.
PPS: This is the reply I finally got and it is obvious and clear proof of whay she is my best friend: I really don't want to go through unnecessary surgery, but if such an occurrence arises, I'll do whatever.
She said something harmless about teaching the new person how to scan things (because I am trying to not scan the stupid binder because it will take 4 hours and its not even for my division so screw that) and this new person is that divisions admin. I then responded with some weird noises and other things that resulted in saying she will need to bail me out of jail with her black-market kidney money but that I would totally give her one of my kidneys after so it would be okay because we would be like weird kidney sisters. However my kidneys are hardly holding up for me so I am sure they aren't suitable, but I think she would be fine. She eats healthier then me so I bet the kidney would flourish and then mine would die and then I would have no Kidneys and turn yellow.
Or is that when livers die? I don't know, Grey's Anatomy hasn't been on in a while and it got so stupid I never remember what happens just that I am upset with its terrible plot.
What was I saying? Oh right, so I think Crystal is afraid of me. She has only answered that she is concerned. Then I replied with something to the effect that this plan wouldn't work because she would need to heal from her kidney operation before coming to get me, and then by that point I would have stabbed the biggest and baddest person in jail because that's how you do. Otherwise you wont be the top dog and that wouldn't go well for me.
She hasn't answered me and I am concerned that she left to go find someone to take out her kidney in preparation to bail me out of jail.
Crystal: Plan didn't work out, new lady was busy. But I did get out of a four hour scanning job for today? So that's good. You should probably keep your kidneys until my next jail-type fake emergency.
Today has been a very long day. I think I need to lie down. maybe from all the kidney blood loss, or maybe because I am panicking over my best friend hating me or having the funny farm coming to take me away. that's not funny Crystal... not funny at all.
PS: Sorry Crystal. You put up with a lot of weird. I hope your bosses don't read you emails.
PPS: This is the reply I finally got and it is obvious and clear proof of whay she is my best friend: I really don't want to go through unnecessary surgery, but if such an occurrence arises, I'll do whatever.
Poor Stinky Ol'Skunks
One of the animals I feel the worst for is the Skunk.
I mean come on, look how cute they are!
The problem with skunks is that no matter how cute and loveable they are, everyone hates them.
When you see a skunk, you run. You do not stop and say "oh what a cute little defense mechanism you have there let me pat you whilst you make me smell like the devil's butt-crack. No big deal!"
No, you see this:
You run.
How must that feel for skunks? could you imagine how hard it is to make friends?
There are all: "Hey Mr.Dog, want to be my friend?"
And the dog is all, "Oh totally, you look squishy and fun to play with, lets go wrestle."
Skunk: Perfect, I am on my way Mr.Dog just let me meander at my slow pace because my body drags on the ground. You see I have not evolved in the most graceful ways, the only reason I stay alive is because, well, nevermind I won't bore you with that."
Dog: "Sounds good to me, what if I just pick you up and carry you to where we want to play?"
Skunk: "Well okay just don't squeeze too tight."
Dog: "Of course not!"
*Dog picks up skunk and gently brings him to the place where they decide to play, dog manages to stay gentle for now.*
Skunk: "Perfect, lets play!"
Dog: "okay!" *jumps and pushes on skunk's belly, startling him and causing his stink spray to explode all over the dog.*
Skunk: "Oh my god I am so sorry!"
Dog: "Ahhhh! It's in my motuh! It's in my eyes! You are the worst friend any dog could ever have! Why did you do that too me you heartless bastard! I think I would rather play with the stupid cat!"
Skunk: "I didn't mean to! You squished me! I was evolved to explode terrible gasses when startled! Its not my fault!"
Dog: "Tell it to my lawyer."
And thats how the Skunk was sued for millions for damages to the dog's coat.
So as you can see, Skunks tend to have it pretty bad. They can't make friends because they will end up squirting them should a loud noise occur and who wants to hang around that business. I mean , theres that one skunk in Bambi, I think his name is Flower, but I don't know who he's kidding... I have never smelled a skunk that smelled like flowers. Maybe like a flower bouquet that is two years old but still sitting in the vase of mouldy water. But even still, what a sneaky name that mother gave her child. That is not how shit works mother skunk. If you name your baby Millionaire it does not come true. Althoguh maybe its just that no one tried. Let's face it that would suck as a name, but if it meant you became rich, perhaps it would be worth it. We will never know I guess.
This is a really long post of crap. I will be back later with more crap... because who are we kidding, its not like the rest of this is filled with nobel prize winning articles.
I mean come on, look how cute they are!
The problem with skunks is that no matter how cute and loveable they are, everyone hates them.
When you see a skunk, you run. You do not stop and say "oh what a cute little defense mechanism you have there let me pat you whilst you make me smell like the devil's butt-crack. No big deal!"
No, you see this:
You run.
How must that feel for skunks? could you imagine how hard it is to make friends?
There are all: "Hey Mr.Dog, want to be my friend?"
And the dog is all, "Oh totally, you look squishy and fun to play with, lets go wrestle."
Skunk: Perfect, I am on my way Mr.Dog just let me meander at my slow pace because my body drags on the ground. You see I have not evolved in the most graceful ways, the only reason I stay alive is because, well, nevermind I won't bore you with that."
Dog: "Sounds good to me, what if I just pick you up and carry you to where we want to play?"
Skunk: "Well okay just don't squeeze too tight."
Dog: "Of course not!"
*Dog picks up skunk and gently brings him to the place where they decide to play, dog manages to stay gentle for now.*
Skunk: "Perfect, lets play!"
Dog: "okay!" *jumps and pushes on skunk's belly, startling him and causing his stink spray to explode all over the dog.*
Skunk: "Oh my god I am so sorry!"
Dog: "Ahhhh! It's in my motuh! It's in my eyes! You are the worst friend any dog could ever have! Why did you do that too me you heartless bastard! I think I would rather play with the stupid cat!"
Skunk: "I didn't mean to! You squished me! I was evolved to explode terrible gasses when startled! Its not my fault!"
Dog: "Tell it to my lawyer."
And thats how the Skunk was sued for millions for damages to the dog's coat.
So as you can see, Skunks tend to have it pretty bad. They can't make friends because they will end up squirting them should a loud noise occur and who wants to hang around that business. I mean , theres that one skunk in Bambi, I think his name is Flower, but I don't know who he's kidding... I have never smelled a skunk that smelled like flowers. Maybe like a flower bouquet that is two years old but still sitting in the vase of mouldy water. But even still, what a sneaky name that mother gave her child. That is not how shit works mother skunk. If you name your baby Millionaire it does not come true. Althoguh maybe its just that no one tried. Let's face it that would suck as a name, but if it meant you became rich, perhaps it would be worth it. We will never know I guess.
This is a really long post of crap. I will be back later with more crap... because who are we kidding, its not like the rest of this is filled with nobel prize winning articles.
Poor Stinky Ol'Skunks
One of the animals I feel the worst for is the Skunk.
I mean come on, look how cute they are!
The problem with skunks is that no matter how cute and loveable they are, everyone hates them.
When you see a skunk, you run. You do not stop and say "oh what a cute little defense mechanism you have there let me pat you whilst you make me smell like the devil's butt-crack. No big deal!"
No, you see this:
You run.
How must that feel for skunks? could you imagine how hard it is to make friends?
There are all: "Hey Mr.Dog, want to be my friend?"
And the dog is all, "Oh totally, you look squishy and fun to play with, lets go wrestle."
Skunk: Perfect, I am on my way Mr.Dog just let me meander at my slow pace because my body drags on the ground. You see I have not evolved in the most graceful ways, the only reason I stay alive is because, well, nevermind I won't bore you with that."
Dog: "Sounds good to me, what if I just pick you up and carry you to where we want to play?"
Skunk: "Well okay just don't squeeze too tight."
Dog: "Of course not!"
*Dog picks up skunk and gently brings him to the place where they decide to play, dog manages to stay gentle for now.*
Skunk: "Perfect, lets play!"
Dog: "okay!" *jumps and pushes on skunk's belly, startling him and causing his stink spray to explode all over the dog.*
Skunk: "Oh my god I am so sorry!"
Dog: "Ahhhh! It's in my motuh! It's in my eyes! You are the worst friend any dog could ever have! Why did you do that too me you heartless bastard! I think I would rather play with the stupid cat!"
Skunk: "I didn't mean to! You squished me! I was evolved to explode terrible gasses when startled! Its not my fault!"
Dog: "Tell it to my lawyer."
And thats how the Skunk was sued for millions for damages to the dog's coat.
So as you can see, Skunks tend to have it pretty bad. They can't make friends because they will end up squirting them should a loud noise occur and who wants to hang around that business. I mean , theres that one skunk in Bambi, I think his name is Flower, but I don't know who he's kidding... I have never smelled a skunk that smelled like flowers. Maybe like a flower bouquet that is two years old but still sitting in the vase of mouldy water. But even still, what a sneaky name that mother gave her child. That is not how shit works mother skunk. If you name your baby Millionaire it does not come true. Althoguh maybe its just that no one tried. Let's face it that would suck as a name, but if it meant you became rich, perhaps it would be worth it. We will never know I guess.
This is a really long post of crap. I will be back later with more crap... because who are we kidding, its not like the rest of this is filled with nobel prize winning articles.
I mean come on, look how cute they are!
The problem with skunks is that no matter how cute and loveable they are, everyone hates them.
When you see a skunk, you run. You do not stop and say "oh what a cute little defense mechanism you have there let me pat you whilst you make me smell like the devil's butt-crack. No big deal!"
No, you see this:
You run.
How must that feel for skunks? could you imagine how hard it is to make friends?
There are all: "Hey Mr.Dog, want to be my friend?"
And the dog is all, "Oh totally, you look squishy and fun to play with, lets go wrestle."
Skunk: Perfect, I am on my way Mr.Dog just let me meander at my slow pace because my body drags on the ground. You see I have not evolved in the most graceful ways, the only reason I stay alive is because, well, nevermind I won't bore you with that."
Dog: "Sounds good to me, what if I just pick you up and carry you to where we want to play?"
Skunk: "Well okay just don't squeeze too tight."
Dog: "Of course not!"
*Dog picks up skunk and gently brings him to the place where they decide to play, dog manages to stay gentle for now.*
Skunk: "Perfect, lets play!"
Dog: "okay!" *jumps and pushes on skunk's belly, startling him and causing his stink spray to explode all over the dog.*
Skunk: "Oh my god I am so sorry!"
Dog: "Ahhhh! It's in my motuh! It's in my eyes! You are the worst friend any dog could ever have! Why did you do that too me you heartless bastard! I think I would rather play with the stupid cat!"
Skunk: "I didn't mean to! You squished me! I was evolved to explode terrible gasses when startled! Its not my fault!"
Dog: "Tell it to my lawyer."
And thats how the Skunk was sued for millions for damages to the dog's coat.
So as you can see, Skunks tend to have it pretty bad. They can't make friends because they will end up squirting them should a loud noise occur and who wants to hang around that business. I mean , theres that one skunk in Bambi, I think his name is Flower, but I don't know who he's kidding... I have never smelled a skunk that smelled like flowers. Maybe like a flower bouquet that is two years old but still sitting in the vase of mouldy water. But even still, what a sneaky name that mother gave her child. That is not how shit works mother skunk. If you name your baby Millionaire it does not come true. Althoguh maybe its just that no one tried. Let's face it that would suck as a name, but if it meant you became rich, perhaps it would be worth it. We will never know I guess.
This is a really long post of crap. I will be back later with more crap... because who are we kidding, its not like the rest of this is filled with nobel prize winning articles.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
Walk This Way
You can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk, but only if you can identify the signs. Here to help you is a guide to some of the more popular styles of walking.
The Earthquake:
This person steps in a manner not only allowing everyone to know they are coming, but they manage to shake the entire building as they move. Each slow and laboured step slams against the carpet/pavement/tile/wood floor and sends the reverberations as far as the surface continues sounding as though the T-Rex from Jurassic Park is about to eat your Jeep. These people are often self-important and feel as though everyone around them should know they are coming. Alternatively, they may just be really overweight and their legs cannot quite manage a graceful decent.
The Ballerina:
This person tends to walk on their toes at all times. They are quiet and quick in their movements but they always look like they are about to do something evil due to their sneaky nature. As their slinky steps would indicate, this person tends to be of a devious disposition, continuous prepared to run away should their plan backfire. Alternatively, this person is wearing high heels and will fall if they rely on the small sliver of support. Secondary alternative, but far less likely, they have no heels due to a battle with robot sock monkeys.
The Mechanic:
This is a person who has a determined and speedy walk. They typically have somewhere to go, or at least look as though they do. They are not necessarily mechanics per day, however they may be considered as capable of fixing things, whether they be personal problems, work problems, or problems of how to get more snacks in the fridge. They take long steps at a quick pace the the average three year old needs to be in a full out run to keep up. Their basic walk is about as fast as most peoples speed walk. They are typically an efficient people, or at least they are efficient at getting places in a decent amount of time.
The Frump:
This is a person who walks with their shoulders slouching and their head dropping. They look like at any time they can curl up and sleep. They have no speed in their walk and typically meander slowly and randomly until they somehow arrive at their destination. By then they cannot remember why they are there and tend to spend the first five minutes figuring out their purpose.
The Penguin:
As this person waddles their way in front of your path you find yourself increasingly frustrated by their inconsistent trajectory and obnoxious wobble. As they make their way through the halls or up the sidewalk, moving as fast as a Weeble Wobble you should note that this person is probably one of two things: an inconsiderate jerk-nugget who has no consideration for the human race, or a really large person whose legs cannot bend or they will snap so they are forced to project themselves forward with their body weight.
The Royal:
This is a type of person who consistently walks with their nose in the air and is far too important to watch where they are going. Often snotty and rude, they tend to get upset by those who dare cross their path and force them to stop and slap someone with their perfectly pressed white glove. The only exception and allowance to this, is the Queen. She can do whatever the hell she pleases because she owns everything. Not technically anymore, but you know if you piss her off she could have you captured and stored in a honey jar. Don't F@#* with her.
The Race Car:
This person, similar to the Mechanic move quickly, however the race car is less effective. Where the Mechanic has a purposeful driven walk, the Race Car is simply speeding around people because they can. Often found to be swerving in and out of fellow pedestrians, the Race Car is the cause of many people-collisions and stubbed toes. These people are mostly just jerks, but sometimes they are Mechanics-in training, and soon enough their quick pace will be followed by purpose.
The Sloppy Joe:
Similar to the Frump, this person does not move with much purpose or speed, however instead of keeping their head down and avoiding people, the Sloppy Joe flops all over the path in an inconsistent and unpredictable manner. They will take time to check out all the items on either side of the aisle in a super market while simultaneously blocking the middle, they will wander from side to side on the sidewalk not allowing you to pass, and in general they just never move and have no idea what is going on. They probably think they are funny and friendly, but really they are just an ass.
The I.D.I.O.T.
This is a combination of a Sloppy Joe, a Royal, a Race Car with a touch of Earthquake and occasionally Penguin. This is the I.D.I.O.T. If you don't remember what this stands for, please read this. These young people are the ones who think that the whole world revolves around them and that no one else in the world has anything more important to do then stop in the middle of an intersection to discuss Twilight. They don't seem to understand that cars are bigger then them, and that people hate them.
So those are some of the basic types, there are many more.
There is one extra bonus type that is only accessible to a select few and only in dire situations.
Fair Skills:
Only available on a need-to-use basis, Fair Skills allow you to temporarily act like a Race Car but get away so fast that by the time people are annoyed you are long gone. Only for using in extremely crowded situations such as the Fair, or exiting large public events where if you do not make it to the other end quickly you will be stuck in traffic, or be late for something. You need to pass a test to be allowed to use this skill as it is beyond complex. There are only three known to date that possess this skill high enough to be deemed Fair Skills. Their identities must be kept secret for their safety.
What type are you?
The Earthquake:
This person steps in a manner not only allowing everyone to know they are coming, but they manage to shake the entire building as they move. Each slow and laboured step slams against the carpet/pavement/tile/wood floor and sends the reverberations as far as the surface continues sounding as though the T-Rex from Jurassic Park is about to eat your Jeep. These people are often self-important and feel as though everyone around them should know they are coming. Alternatively, they may just be really overweight and their legs cannot quite manage a graceful decent.
The Ballerina:
This person tends to walk on their toes at all times. They are quiet and quick in their movements but they always look like they are about to do something evil due to their sneaky nature. As their slinky steps would indicate, this person tends to be of a devious disposition, continuous prepared to run away should their plan backfire. Alternatively, this person is wearing high heels and will fall if they rely on the small sliver of support. Secondary alternative, but far less likely, they have no heels due to a battle with robot sock monkeys.
The Mechanic:
This is a person who has a determined and speedy walk. They typically have somewhere to go, or at least look as though they do. They are not necessarily mechanics per day, however they may be considered as capable of fixing things, whether they be personal problems, work problems, or problems of how to get more snacks in the fridge. They take long steps at a quick pace the the average three year old needs to be in a full out run to keep up. Their basic walk is about as fast as most peoples speed walk. They are typically an efficient people, or at least they are efficient at getting places in a decent amount of time.
The Frump:
This is a person who walks with their shoulders slouching and their head dropping. They look like at any time they can curl up and sleep. They have no speed in their walk and typically meander slowly and randomly until they somehow arrive at their destination. By then they cannot remember why they are there and tend to spend the first five minutes figuring out their purpose.
The Penguin:
As this person waddles their way in front of your path you find yourself increasingly frustrated by their inconsistent trajectory and obnoxious wobble. As they make their way through the halls or up the sidewalk, moving as fast as a Weeble Wobble you should note that this person is probably one of two things: an inconsiderate jerk-nugget who has no consideration for the human race, or a really large person whose legs cannot bend or they will snap so they are forced to project themselves forward with their body weight.
The Royal:
This is a type of person who consistently walks with their nose in the air and is far too important to watch where they are going. Often snotty and rude, they tend to get upset by those who dare cross their path and force them to stop and slap someone with their perfectly pressed white glove. The only exception and allowance to this, is the Queen. She can do whatever the hell she pleases because she owns everything. Not technically anymore, but you know if you piss her off she could have you captured and stored in a honey jar. Don't F@#* with her.
The Race Car:
This person, similar to the Mechanic move quickly, however the race car is less effective. Where the Mechanic has a purposeful driven walk, the Race Car is simply speeding around people because they can. Often found to be swerving in and out of fellow pedestrians, the Race Car is the cause of many people-collisions and stubbed toes. These people are mostly just jerks, but sometimes they are Mechanics-in training, and soon enough their quick pace will be followed by purpose.
The Sloppy Joe:
Similar to the Frump, this person does not move with much purpose or speed, however instead of keeping their head down and avoiding people, the Sloppy Joe flops all over the path in an inconsistent and unpredictable manner. They will take time to check out all the items on either side of the aisle in a super market while simultaneously blocking the middle, they will wander from side to side on the sidewalk not allowing you to pass, and in general they just never move and have no idea what is going on. They probably think they are funny and friendly, but really they are just an ass.
The I.D.I.O.T.
This is a combination of a Sloppy Joe, a Royal, a Race Car with a touch of Earthquake and occasionally Penguin. This is the I.D.I.O.T. If you don't remember what this stands for, please read this. These young people are the ones who think that the whole world revolves around them and that no one else in the world has anything more important to do then stop in the middle of an intersection to discuss Twilight. They don't seem to understand that cars are bigger then them, and that people hate them.
So those are some of the basic types, there are many more.
There is one extra bonus type that is only accessible to a select few and only in dire situations.
Fair Skills:
Only available on a need-to-use basis, Fair Skills allow you to temporarily act like a Race Car but get away so fast that by the time people are annoyed you are long gone. Only for using in extremely crowded situations such as the Fair, or exiting large public events where if you do not make it to the other end quickly you will be stuck in traffic, or be late for something. You need to pass a test to be allowed to use this skill as it is beyond complex. There are only three known to date that possess this skill high enough to be deemed Fair Skills. Their identities must be kept secret for their safety.
What type are you?
Walk This Way
You can tell a lot about a person by the way they walk, but only if you can identify the signs. Here to help you is a guide to some of the more popular styles of walking.
The Earthquake:
This person steps in a manner not only allowing everyone to know they are coming, but they manage to shake the entire building as they move. Each slow and laboured step slams against the carpet/pavement/tile/wood floor and sends the reverberations as far as the surface continues sounding as though the T-Rex from Jurassic Park is about to eat your Jeep. These people are often self-important and feel as though everyone around them should know they are coming. Alternatively, they may just be really overweight and their legs cannot quite manage a graceful decent.
The Ballerina:
This person tends to walk on their toes at all times. They are quiet and quick in their movements but they always look like they are about to do something evil due to their sneaky nature. As their slinky steps would indicate, this person tends to be of a devious disposition, continuous prepared to run away should their plan backfire. Alternatively, this person is wearing high heels and will fall if they rely on the small sliver of support. Secondary alternative, but far less likely, they have no heels due to a battle with robot sock monkeys.
The Mechanic:
This is a person who has a determined and speedy walk. They typically have somewhere to go, or at least look as though they do. They are not necessarily mechanics per day, however they may be considered as capable of fixing things, whether they be personal problems, work problems, or problems of how to get more snacks in the fridge. They take long steps at a quick pace the the average three year old needs to be in a full out run to keep up. Their basic walk is about as fast as most peoples speed walk. They are typically an efficient people, or at least they are efficient at getting places in a decent amount of time.
The Frump:
This is a person who walks with their shoulders slouching and their head dropping. They look like at any time they can curl up and sleep. They have no speed in their walk and typically meander slowly and randomly until they somehow arrive at their destination. By then they cannot remember why they are there and tend to spend the first five minutes figuring out their purpose.
The Penguin:
As this person waddles their way in front of your path you find yourself increasingly frustrated by their inconsistent trajectory and obnoxious wobble. As they make their way through the halls or up the sidewalk, moving as fast as a Weeble Wobble you should note that this person is probably one of two things: an inconsiderate jerk-nugget who has no consideration for the human race, or a really large person whose legs cannot bend or they will snap so they are forced to project themselves forward with their body weight.
The Royal:
This is a type of person who consistently walks with their nose in the air and is far too important to watch where they are going. Often snotty and rude, they tend to get upset by those who dare cross their path and force them to stop and slap someone with their perfectly pressed white glove. The only exception and allowance to this, is the Queen. She can do whatever the hell she pleases because she owns everything. Not technically anymore, but you know if you piss her off she could have you captured and stored in a honey jar. Don't F@#* with her.
The Race Car:
This person, similar to the Mechanic move quickly, however the race car is less effective. Where the Mechanic has a purposeful driven walk, the Race Car is simply speeding around people because they can. Often found to be swerving in and out of fellow pedestrians, the Race Car is the cause of many people-collisions and stubbed toes. These people are mostly just jerks, but sometimes they are Mechanics-in training, and soon enough their quick pace will be followed by purpose.
The Sloppy Joe:
Similar to the Frump, this person does not move with much purpose or speed, however instead of keeping their head down and avoiding people, the Sloppy Joe flops all over the path in an inconsistent and unpredictable manner. They will take time to check out all the items on either side of the aisle in a super market while simultaneously blocking the middle, they will wander from side to side on the sidewalk not allowing you to pass, and in general they just never move and have no idea what is going on. They probably think they are funny and friendly, but really they are just an ass.
The I.D.I.O.T.
This is a combination of a Sloppy Joe, a Royal, a Race Car with a touch of Earthquake and occasionally Penguin. This is the I.D.I.O.T. If you don't remember what this stands for, please read this. These young people are the ones who think that the whole world revolves around them and that no one else in the world has anything more important to do then stop in the middle of an intersection to discuss Twilight. They don't seem to understand that cars are bigger then them, and that people hate them.
So those are some of the basic types, there are many more.
There is one extra bonus type that is only accessible to a select few and only in dire situations.
Fair Skills:
Only available on a need-to-use basis, Fair Skills allow you to temporarily act like a Race Car but get away so fast that by the time people are annoyed you are long gone. Only for using in extremely crowded situations such as the Fair, or exiting large public events where if you do not make it to the other end quickly you will be stuck in traffic, or be late for something. You need to pass a test to be allowed to use this skill as it is beyond complex. There are only three known to date that possess this skill high enough to be deemed Fair Skills. Their identities must be kept secret for their safety.
What type are you?
The Earthquake:
This person steps in a manner not only allowing everyone to know they are coming, but they manage to shake the entire building as they move. Each slow and laboured step slams against the carpet/pavement/tile/wood floor and sends the reverberations as far as the surface continues sounding as though the T-Rex from Jurassic Park is about to eat your Jeep. These people are often self-important and feel as though everyone around them should know they are coming. Alternatively, they may just be really overweight and their legs cannot quite manage a graceful decent.
The Ballerina:
This person tends to walk on their toes at all times. They are quiet and quick in their movements but they always look like they are about to do something evil due to their sneaky nature. As their slinky steps would indicate, this person tends to be of a devious disposition, continuous prepared to run away should their plan backfire. Alternatively, this person is wearing high heels and will fall if they rely on the small sliver of support. Secondary alternative, but far less likely, they have no heels due to a battle with robot sock monkeys.
The Mechanic:
This is a person who has a determined and speedy walk. They typically have somewhere to go, or at least look as though they do. They are not necessarily mechanics per day, however they may be considered as capable of fixing things, whether they be personal problems, work problems, or problems of how to get more snacks in the fridge. They take long steps at a quick pace the the average three year old needs to be in a full out run to keep up. Their basic walk is about as fast as most peoples speed walk. They are typically an efficient people, or at least they are efficient at getting places in a decent amount of time.
The Frump:
This is a person who walks with their shoulders slouching and their head dropping. They look like at any time they can curl up and sleep. They have no speed in their walk and typically meander slowly and randomly until they somehow arrive at their destination. By then they cannot remember why they are there and tend to spend the first five minutes figuring out their purpose.
The Penguin:
As this person waddles their way in front of your path you find yourself increasingly frustrated by their inconsistent trajectory and obnoxious wobble. As they make their way through the halls or up the sidewalk, moving as fast as a Weeble Wobble you should note that this person is probably one of two things: an inconsiderate jerk-nugget who has no consideration for the human race, or a really large person whose legs cannot bend or they will snap so they are forced to project themselves forward with their body weight.
The Royal:
This is a type of person who consistently walks with their nose in the air and is far too important to watch where they are going. Often snotty and rude, they tend to get upset by those who dare cross their path and force them to stop and slap someone with their perfectly pressed white glove. The only exception and allowance to this, is the Queen. She can do whatever the hell she pleases because she owns everything. Not technically anymore, but you know if you piss her off she could have you captured and stored in a honey jar. Don't F@#* with her.
The Race Car:
This person, similar to the Mechanic move quickly, however the race car is less effective. Where the Mechanic has a purposeful driven walk, the Race Car is simply speeding around people because they can. Often found to be swerving in and out of fellow pedestrians, the Race Car is the cause of many people-collisions and stubbed toes. These people are mostly just jerks, but sometimes they are Mechanics-in training, and soon enough their quick pace will be followed by purpose.
The Sloppy Joe:
Similar to the Frump, this person does not move with much purpose or speed, however instead of keeping their head down and avoiding people, the Sloppy Joe flops all over the path in an inconsistent and unpredictable manner. They will take time to check out all the items on either side of the aisle in a super market while simultaneously blocking the middle, they will wander from side to side on the sidewalk not allowing you to pass, and in general they just never move and have no idea what is going on. They probably think they are funny and friendly, but really they are just an ass.
The I.D.I.O.T.
This is a combination of a Sloppy Joe, a Royal, a Race Car with a touch of Earthquake and occasionally Penguin. This is the I.D.I.O.T. If you don't remember what this stands for, please read this. These young people are the ones who think that the whole world revolves around them and that no one else in the world has anything more important to do then stop in the middle of an intersection to discuss Twilight. They don't seem to understand that cars are bigger then them, and that people hate them.
So those are some of the basic types, there are many more.
There is one extra bonus type that is only accessible to a select few and only in dire situations.
Fair Skills:
Only available on a need-to-use basis, Fair Skills allow you to temporarily act like a Race Car but get away so fast that by the time people are annoyed you are long gone. Only for using in extremely crowded situations such as the Fair, or exiting large public events where if you do not make it to the other end quickly you will be stuck in traffic, or be late for something. You need to pass a test to be allowed to use this skill as it is beyond complex. There are only three known to date that possess this skill high enough to be deemed Fair Skills. Their identities must be kept secret for their safety.
What type are you?
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
Bad Advice
It is back to school season.
Usually I love back to school season, however this year I am not going back to school. You see this wouldn't be such a problem if everyone would just leave me alone and stop asking me if I was going back to school. I just did 4 years in a stupid University don't I get some kind of credit for that? Everyone at work is always asking, "are you going back for your masters?" "Are you going back right away or waiting a year?" "What are you plans, you want your masters right?"
NO. Leave me alone. I just did 4 years, and barely made it out alive. I am 100% sure if I did my masters right now it would kill me. Also, I don't even qualify because I did a 3 year degree it just took me four years because I am terrible at school. Also, I ended up with a degree that I only sort of want to pursue anymore. I have roughly no interest in becoming a psychologist anymore. The idea of sitting in a room all day, locked up with people with issues - sometimes not even half as bad as mine - and then giving them advice? No thanks. There's some cheesy expression for this? Something about a blind person... I can't remember and now it just sounds offencive. Sorry blind people I don't mean it as an insult there is just an expression I am too tired to remember right now.
Anyways, point is. I am a crazy person. Not just the fun kind of crazy, I have legitimately diagnosed illnesses in my crazy, crazy mind. For me to sit there and try to help someone would be pretty counter productive. This is what would happen:
Me: "What's troubling you today?"
Guy: "Well, I am hearing voices and they are telling me to jump off of buildings carrying samurai swords and slice through all the street signs in town."
Me: "Mhm, well that sounds fairly destructive, why do you think the voices would tell you that?"
Guy: "Well maybe its because my father was so angry and would often break things, and I have been very angry lately."
Me: "Mhm, that's not what I meant. Samurai swords would never cut through a street sign unless you were a highly trained ninja in the league of Shadows and even then, should you start destroying the city Batman would come kick your ass right?"
Guy: "Uhm, I suppose so? So you are saying that the only thing I am hurting is myself?"
Me: "No, I am saying watch your back you villainous ass-monkey, Batman will beat you down."
Guy: "Are you a psychologist? Like a real one?"
Me: *Mwhahahahahhahahhahaha*
Guy: *runs away*
And that's how my journey to becoming Harley Quinn began, but only in my imagination. Except I could never love the Joker I don't think. I have to much love for Batman. This is getting extremely off topic.
(For those who don't know batman, Harley Quinn was a psychologist at Arkham Asylum and was working with the Joker but fell in love with him and went all crazy villainous so she could hang out with him. Moving on).
So, people keep telling me that I should go back to school. I really don't think they understand how school works. You don't just show up and then get a fancy piece of paper. You need like, ten grand a year to even start to pay for the semester, then there are books and supplies. Then on top of that, you still have home expenses like groceries, rent/mortgage, and electricity. So then you need a job, and then you need time to do school work and all of this factors into one giant mess of a year that ends up nearly killing you in a violent drowning in 8.5x11 papers. I've been doing that for 4 years now. It is not a good time for someone like me. I know a lot of people who love school, however they have these things called attention spans. I wonder what that is like... I wish I had a pet monkey sometimes that would fetch me things like sodas and potato chips.
What was I saying. Or, yes. School. School is great, I am so glad I have my degree and I recommend it to all people should they have the resources or like me, have the ability to get a loan. But when someone gets out of school, please, the world, stop hassling them so much. Give them some time to breathe before you smother them in expectations.
Usually I love back to school season, however this year I am not going back to school. You see this wouldn't be such a problem if everyone would just leave me alone and stop asking me if I was going back to school. I just did 4 years in a stupid University don't I get some kind of credit for that? Everyone at work is always asking, "are you going back for your masters?" "Are you going back right away or waiting a year?" "What are you plans, you want your masters right?"
NO. Leave me alone. I just did 4 years, and barely made it out alive. I am 100% sure if I did my masters right now it would kill me. Also, I don't even qualify because I did a 3 year degree it just took me four years because I am terrible at school. Also, I ended up with a degree that I only sort of want to pursue anymore. I have roughly no interest in becoming a psychologist anymore. The idea of sitting in a room all day, locked up with people with issues - sometimes not even half as bad as mine - and then giving them advice? No thanks. There's some cheesy expression for this? Something about a blind person... I can't remember and now it just sounds offencive. Sorry blind people I don't mean it as an insult there is just an expression I am too tired to remember right now.
Anyways, point is. I am a crazy person. Not just the fun kind of crazy, I have legitimately diagnosed illnesses in my crazy, crazy mind. For me to sit there and try to help someone would be pretty counter productive. This is what would happen:
Me: "What's troubling you today?"
Guy: "Well, I am hearing voices and they are telling me to jump off of buildings carrying samurai swords and slice through all the street signs in town."
Me: "Mhm, well that sounds fairly destructive, why do you think the voices would tell you that?"
Guy: "Well maybe its because my father was so angry and would often break things, and I have been very angry lately."
Me: "Mhm, that's not what I meant. Samurai swords would never cut through a street sign unless you were a highly trained ninja in the league of Shadows and even then, should you start destroying the city Batman would come kick your ass right?"
Guy: "Uhm, I suppose so? So you are saying that the only thing I am hurting is myself?"
Me: "No, I am saying watch your back you villainous ass-monkey, Batman will beat you down."
Guy: "Are you a psychologist? Like a real one?"
Me: *Mwhahahahahhahahhahaha*
Guy: *runs away*
And that's how my journey to becoming Harley Quinn began, but only in my imagination. Except I could never love the Joker I don't think. I have to much love for Batman. This is getting extremely off topic.
(For those who don't know batman, Harley Quinn was a psychologist at Arkham Asylum and was working with the Joker but fell in love with him and went all crazy villainous so she could hang out with him. Moving on).
So, people keep telling me that I should go back to school. I really don't think they understand how school works. You don't just show up and then get a fancy piece of paper. You need like, ten grand a year to even start to pay for the semester, then there are books and supplies. Then on top of that, you still have home expenses like groceries, rent/mortgage, and electricity. So then you need a job, and then you need time to do school work and all of this factors into one giant mess of a year that ends up nearly killing you in a violent drowning in 8.5x11 papers. I've been doing that for 4 years now. It is not a good time for someone like me. I know a lot of people who love school, however they have these things called attention spans. I wonder what that is like... I wish I had a pet monkey sometimes that would fetch me things like sodas and potato chips.
What was I saying. Or, yes. School. School is great, I am so glad I have my degree and I recommend it to all people should they have the resources or like me, have the ability to get a loan. But when someone gets out of school, please, the world, stop hassling them so much. Give them some time to breathe before you smother them in expectations.
Bad Advice
It is back to school season.
Usually I love back to school season, however this year I am not going back to school. You see this wouldn't be such a problem if everyone would just leave me alone and stop asking me if I was going back to school. I just did 4 years in a stupid University don't I get some kind of credit for that? Everyone at work is always asking, "are you going back for your masters?" "Are you going back right away or waiting a year?" "What are you plans, you want your masters right?"
NO. Leave me alone. I just did 4 years, and barely made it out alive. I am 100% sure if I did my masters right now it would kill me. Also, I don't even qualify because I did a 3 year degree it just took me four years because I am terrible at school. Also, I ended up with a degree that I only sort of want to pursue anymore. I have roughly no interest in becoming a psychologist anymore. The idea of sitting in a room all day, locked up with people with issues - sometimes not even half as bad as mine - and then giving them advice? No thanks. There's some cheesy expression for this? Something about a blind person... I can't remember and now it just sounds offencive. Sorry blind people I don't mean it as an insult there is just an expression I am too tired to remember right now.
Anyways, point is. I am a crazy person. Not just the fun kind of crazy, I have legitimately diagnosed illnesses in my crazy, crazy mind. For me to sit there and try to help someone would be pretty counter productive. This is what would happen:
Me: "What's troubling you today?"
Guy: "Well, I am hearing voices and they are telling me to jump off of buildings carrying samurai swords and slice through all the street signs in town."
Me: "Mhm, well that sounds fairly destructive, why do you think the voices would tell you that?"
Guy: "Well maybe its because my father was so angry and would often break things, and I have been very angry lately."
Me: "Mhm, that's not what I meant. Samurai swords would never cut through a street sign unless you were a highly trained ninja in the league of Shadows and even then, should you start destroying the city Batman would come kick your ass right?"
Guy: "Uhm, I suppose so? So you are saying that the only thing I am hurting is myself?"
Me: "No, I am saying watch your back you villainous ass-monkey, Batman will beat you down."
Guy: "Are you a psychologist? Like a real one?"
Me: *Mwhahahahahhahahhahaha*
Guy: *runs away*
And that's how my journey to becoming Harley Quinn began, but only in my imagination. Except I could never love the Joker I don't think. I have to much love for Batman. This is getting extremely off topic.
(For those who don't know batman, Harley Quinn was a psychologist at Arkham Asylum and was working with the Joker but fell in love with him and went all crazy villainous so she could hang out with him. Moving on).
So, people keep telling me that I should go back to school. I really don't think they understand how school works. You don't just show up and then get a fancy piece of paper. You need like, ten grand a year to even start to pay for the semester, then there are books and supplies. Then on top of that, you still have home expenses like groceries, rent/mortgage, and electricity. So then you need a job, and then you need time to do school work and all of this factors into one giant mess of a year that ends up nearly killing you in a violent drowning in 8.5x11 papers. I've been doing that for 4 years now. It is not a good time for someone like me. I know a lot of people who love school, however they have these things called attention spans. I wonder what that is like... I wish I had a pet monkey sometimes that would fetch me things like sodas and potato chips.
What was I saying. Or, yes. School. School is great, I am so glad I have my degree and I recommend it to all people should they have the resources or like me, have the ability to get a loan. But when someone gets out of school, please, the world, stop hassling them so much. Give them some time to breathe before you smother them in expectations.
Usually I love back to school season, however this year I am not going back to school. You see this wouldn't be such a problem if everyone would just leave me alone and stop asking me if I was going back to school. I just did 4 years in a stupid University don't I get some kind of credit for that? Everyone at work is always asking, "are you going back for your masters?" "Are you going back right away or waiting a year?" "What are you plans, you want your masters right?"
NO. Leave me alone. I just did 4 years, and barely made it out alive. I am 100% sure if I did my masters right now it would kill me. Also, I don't even qualify because I did a 3 year degree it just took me four years because I am terrible at school. Also, I ended up with a degree that I only sort of want to pursue anymore. I have roughly no interest in becoming a psychologist anymore. The idea of sitting in a room all day, locked up with people with issues - sometimes not even half as bad as mine - and then giving them advice? No thanks. There's some cheesy expression for this? Something about a blind person... I can't remember and now it just sounds offencive. Sorry blind people I don't mean it as an insult there is just an expression I am too tired to remember right now.
Anyways, point is. I am a crazy person. Not just the fun kind of crazy, I have legitimately diagnosed illnesses in my crazy, crazy mind. For me to sit there and try to help someone would be pretty counter productive. This is what would happen:
Me: "What's troubling you today?"
Guy: "Well, I am hearing voices and they are telling me to jump off of buildings carrying samurai swords and slice through all the street signs in town."
Me: "Mhm, well that sounds fairly destructive, why do you think the voices would tell you that?"
Guy: "Well maybe its because my father was so angry and would often break things, and I have been very angry lately."
Me: "Mhm, that's not what I meant. Samurai swords would never cut through a street sign unless you were a highly trained ninja in the league of Shadows and even then, should you start destroying the city Batman would come kick your ass right?"
Guy: "Uhm, I suppose so? So you are saying that the only thing I am hurting is myself?"
Me: "No, I am saying watch your back you villainous ass-monkey, Batman will beat you down."
Guy: "Are you a psychologist? Like a real one?"
Me: *Mwhahahahahhahahhahaha*
Guy: *runs away*
And that's how my journey to becoming Harley Quinn began, but only in my imagination. Except I could never love the Joker I don't think. I have to much love for Batman. This is getting extremely off topic.
(For those who don't know batman, Harley Quinn was a psychologist at Arkham Asylum and was working with the Joker but fell in love with him and went all crazy villainous so she could hang out with him. Moving on).
So, people keep telling me that I should go back to school. I really don't think they understand how school works. You don't just show up and then get a fancy piece of paper. You need like, ten grand a year to even start to pay for the semester, then there are books and supplies. Then on top of that, you still have home expenses like groceries, rent/mortgage, and electricity. So then you need a job, and then you need time to do school work and all of this factors into one giant mess of a year that ends up nearly killing you in a violent drowning in 8.5x11 papers. I've been doing that for 4 years now. It is not a good time for someone like me. I know a lot of people who love school, however they have these things called attention spans. I wonder what that is like... I wish I had a pet monkey sometimes that would fetch me things like sodas and potato chips.
What was I saying. Or, yes. School. School is great, I am so glad I have my degree and I recommend it to all people should they have the resources or like me, have the ability to get a loan. But when someone gets out of school, please, the world, stop hassling them so much. Give them some time to breathe before you smother them in expectations.
Tuesday, August 21, 2012
Advertising and Cows
Why do commercials always use such advanced and unrealistic fake computers? Do they think it makes them look like Iron Man? Because I'm 100% sure dentists don't have those kinds of computers to research toothbrushes. Or this online poker game commercial staring this Russian Vin Diesel looking guy - he for sure doesn't own a computer like this. Oh maybe he is french, and some kind of Rockette. He just did a very impressive high kick. So perhaps he does have that fancy computer. He is perhaps the French/Russian James Bond.
But to the dentists, I know you don't have those fancy computers. They don't exist I am pretty sure (unless your Russian/French James Bond). If they do, I want one.
Its only 8am, I have only been here for an hour and I am already bored.
The other day Dave drove to the Macs and as I sat in the car waiting for him to buy some canned energy, I saw the milk advertisement that featured a large picture of a cow. Now, I happen to like cows. I had a pet cow once, but I don't want to talk about that. I think cows are pretty cute in general. The Cow in this picture, I will henceforth name him Stewart, had the worse hair in the world.
Then I began to wonder to myself, was he having a bad hair day? Do all cows have this ridiculous of hair? I don't remember ever seeing a cow with hair before, is Stewart just an extra classy cow? Do cows ever get jealous of horses hair? and s one until Dave came back with his energy drink.
I just tried to find the ad and failed, but I did find some other lovely pictures to share.
So apparently cows have hair. And it almost always looks ridiculous. Just another reason to love cows, and the advertisements I see that make me google things like "cows with bad hair". (Yes I promise that is what I googled to find these).
But to the dentists, I know you don't have those fancy computers. They don't exist I am pretty sure (unless your Russian/French James Bond). If they do, I want one.
Its only 8am, I have only been here for an hour and I am already bored.
The other day Dave drove to the Macs and as I sat in the car waiting for him to buy some canned energy, I saw the milk advertisement that featured a large picture of a cow. Now, I happen to like cows. I had a pet cow once, but I don't want to talk about that. I think cows are pretty cute in general. The Cow in this picture, I will henceforth name him Stewart, had the worse hair in the world.
Then I began to wonder to myself, was he having a bad hair day? Do all cows have this ridiculous of hair? I don't remember ever seeing a cow with hair before, is Stewart just an extra classy cow? Do cows ever get jealous of horses hair? and s one until Dave came back with his energy drink.
I just tried to find the ad and failed, but I did find some other lovely pictures to share.
 |
| This is like, the Cow version of Justin Beiber or that kid from the directions boy band |
 |
| He has fancy highlights so he is clearly extra fancy. |
 |
| Someone needs an ear hair trimmer. |
 |
| This cow is clearly wearing a toupee. I mean, I don't know who this cow thinks he is kidding, but that is clearly not his hair. He is clearly my favourite and I shall name him Maurice. |
Advertising and Cows
Why do commercials always use such advanced and unrealistic fake computers? Do they think it makes them look like Iron Man? Because I'm 100% sure dentists don't have those kinds of computers to research toothbrushes. Or this online poker game commercial staring this Russian Vin Diesel looking guy - he for sure doesn't own a computer like this. Oh maybe he is french, and some kind of Rockette. He just did a very impressive high kick. So perhaps he does have that fancy computer. He is perhaps the French/Russian James Bond.
But to the dentists, I know you don't have those fancy computers. They don't exist I am pretty sure (unless your Russian/French James Bond). If they do, I want one.
Its only 8am, I have only been here for an hour and I am already bored.
The other day Dave drove to the Macs and as I sat in the car waiting for him to buy some canned energy, I saw the milk advertisement that featured a large picture of a cow. Now, I happen to like cows. I had a pet cow once, but I don't want to talk about that. I think cows are pretty cute in general. The Cow in this picture, I will henceforth name him Stewart, had the worse hair in the world.
Then I began to wonder to myself, was he having a bad hair day? Do all cows have this ridiculous of hair? I don't remember ever seeing a cow with hair before, is Stewart just an extra classy cow? Do cows ever get jealous of horses hair? and s one until Dave came back with his energy drink.
I just tried to find the ad and failed, but I did find some other lovely pictures to share.
So apparently cows have hair. And it almost always looks ridiculous. Just another reason to love cows, and the advertisements I see that make me google things like "cows with bad hair". (Yes I promise that is what I googled to find these).
But to the dentists, I know you don't have those fancy computers. They don't exist I am pretty sure (unless your Russian/French James Bond). If they do, I want one.
Its only 8am, I have only been here for an hour and I am already bored.
The other day Dave drove to the Macs and as I sat in the car waiting for him to buy some canned energy, I saw the milk advertisement that featured a large picture of a cow. Now, I happen to like cows. I had a pet cow once, but I don't want to talk about that. I think cows are pretty cute in general. The Cow in this picture, I will henceforth name him Stewart, had the worse hair in the world.
Then I began to wonder to myself, was he having a bad hair day? Do all cows have this ridiculous of hair? I don't remember ever seeing a cow with hair before, is Stewart just an extra classy cow? Do cows ever get jealous of horses hair? and s one until Dave came back with his energy drink.
I just tried to find the ad and failed, but I did find some other lovely pictures to share.
|
| This is like, the Cow version of Justin Beiber or that kid from the directions boy band |
|
| He has fancy highlights so he is clearly extra fancy. |
|
| Someone needs an ear hair trimmer. |
|
| This cow is clearly wearing a toupee. I mean, I don't know who this cow thinks he is kidding, but that is clearly not his hair. He is clearly my favourite and I shall name him Maurice. |
Saturday, August 18, 2012
FBI and Candy
So this morning I woke up and this was in my front yard:
Its safe to say there are only two potential reasons for this to be in my yard:
1.I am about to be kidnapped
2. The FBI is watching me.
Those are the only options.
No not really. For some reason my mother left it here. I don't know why at all but it apparently will be there for a few days. I think I might write "Free Candy" on it so the young parents on the block can train their children of the potential dangers. Your welcome families.
My town must love me.
Its safe to say there are only two potential reasons for this to be in my yard:1.I am about to be kidnapped
2. The FBI is watching me.
Those are the only options.
No not really. For some reason my mother left it here. I don't know why at all but it apparently will be there for a few days. I think I might write "Free Candy" on it so the young parents on the block can train their children of the potential dangers. Your welcome families.
My town must love me.
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