Thursday, August 30, 2012

Poor Stinky Ol'Skunks

One of the animals I feel the worst for is the Skunk.

I mean come on, look how cute they are!

The problem with skunks is that no matter how cute and loveable they are, everyone hates them.

When you see a skunk, you run. You do not stop and say "oh what a cute little defense mechanism you have there let me pat you whilst you make me smell like the devil's butt-crack. No big deal!"

No, you see this:

You run.

How must that feel for skunks? could you imagine how hard it is to make friends?

There are all: "Hey Mr.Dog, want to be my friend?"

And the dog is all, "Oh totally, you look squishy and fun to play with, lets go wrestle."

Skunk: Perfect, I am on my way Mr.Dog just let me meander at my slow pace because my body drags on the ground. You see I have not evolved in the most graceful ways, the only reason I stay alive is because, well, nevermind I won't bore you with that."

Dog: "Sounds good to me, what if I just pick you up and carry you to where we want to play?"

Skunk: "Well okay just don't squeeze too tight."

Dog: "Of course not!"

*Dog picks up skunk and gently brings him to the place where they decide to play, dog manages to stay gentle for now.*

Skunk: "Perfect, lets play!"

Dog: "okay!" *jumps and pushes on skunk's belly, startling him and causing his stink spray to explode all over the dog.*

Skunk: "Oh my god I am so sorry!"

Dog: "Ahhhh! It's in my motuh! It's in my eyes! You are the worst friend any dog could ever have! Why did you do that too me you heartless bastard! I think I would rather play with the stupid cat!"

Skunk: "I didn't mean to! You squished me! I was evolved to explode terrible gasses when startled! Its not my fault!"

Dog: "Tell it to my lawyer."

And thats how the Skunk was sued for millions for damages to the dog's coat.

So as you can see, Skunks tend to have it pretty bad. They can't make friends because they will end up squirting them should a loud noise occur and who wants to hang around that business. I mean , theres that one skunk in Bambi, I think his name is Flower, but I don't know who he's kidding... I have never smelled a skunk that smelled like flowers. Maybe like a flower bouquet that is two years old but still sitting in the vase of mouldy water. But even still, what a sneaky name that mother gave her child. That is not how shit works mother skunk. If you name your baby Millionaire it does not come true. Althoguh maybe its just that no one tried. Let's face it that would suck as a name, but if it meant you became rich, perhaps it would be worth it. We will never know I guess.

This is a really long post of crap. I will be back later with more crap... because who are we kidding, its not like the rest of this is filled with nobel prize winning articles.

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