Thursday, August 9, 2012

Rocket Powered Steam Roller

My work environment right now is fairly toxic. But only to me, and a select few who actually realize that this place tends to be a bit on the ridiculous side.
This morning when people started arriving I was explained something I already knew for at least twenty minutes despite my polite interruptions of, “Yes, I happen to have found this out yesterday”.
Yesterday when I arrived back from holidays I had about 40 emails, about 2 of which actually had something to do with me, and one of those was from my mother.
The bigger, and more ridiculous part of this work environment is that everything and I mean EVERYTHING is apparently URGENT. Everyone power walks their way around this place as though it is going to explode with wasps if they walk at a normal rate. This part doesn’t bother me because I am a naturally fast walked and this way at least people move. The part that bothers me is the people who are rushing around and then try to explain everything to you using three words and assume you will understand.
There is a woman here whom I call “The Leprechaun”. She looks exactly as a leprechaun lady should look and I swear on Freddie Mercury one day she came in wearing all green. I almost cried in happiness. She is the absolute bane of my existence here. She chases everyone around to the point of people (by people I mean me) actually physically hiding from her. It is pretty easy because she stomps around really fast and really loud so she doesn’t actually see her surroundings.
Anyways, every single thing the Leprechaun does is 100% urgent. As in should have been done before she asked or even before she knew about the project. Usually, this is because she was given the stuff two weeks prior but she put it into the terrifying cavern of her desk and it has only just resurfaced through an intensive search and rescue procedure. None the less, the Leprechaun doesn’t really ever realize that anything other then what she is doing is important. She is guilty of the lack of explanation when she asks for something, and is even worse because she for some reason refuses to email so once she babbles off her string of incoherent gibberish and hangs up you have no idea what the answer to your simple question was.
Other times she marches up to, passes you a folder that is three inches thick, rambles off some irrelevant words such as “Landscape, dinosaur, turtle babies!” and runs away leaving you to stare blankly at this jumbo folder of nothing and waiting for the inevitable phone call where she tries to explain by saying “Ashuallllllyy (she has a really thick French accent and she says this word a lot and every time I lose another piece of my sanity) just print, jive, clog, turnip.” And you hang up and sigh dramatically as you attempt to decipher the magical cryptic language that is high level management penmanship.
That is a lot of whining about the Leprechaun, but it’s been two and a half years of this crazy person. And it’s just getting worse. Maybe because there is some super deadline coming up, so everyone is running around as if an evil elephant was driving a rocket powered steam roller at them but I am just about sick of it.
In a month I will be leaving. Normally I am not necessarily sad about leaving but at least concerned as to where I will work, today I could not care less where I will be working in a month but I cannot wait until I am free from the talons of the Leprechaun and her gang of evil minions.
PS: Yes I know, “Making fun of people is mean”, She is mostly nice and I am mostly nice to her except when I cannot control my “your being an idiot” face and that is beyond my capacity when she tests my limits so please don’t hate me. You know you have one at your work too... everyone does.

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