Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Adjective Stealing Monkeys

Interviewing for your ideal position is so overwhelming.

First, you arrive too early and need to stall five minutes outside so you don't look like a crazy, desperate, idiot who knows nothing of basic etiquette.

Then you get there, already self conscious because you are really not dressed appropriately because you have no money to buy any nicer clothes, you don't really like nicer clothes, and you had no time to go shopping because you spent all day yesterday at home hiding with your puffy eye.

Then after you arrive you have that obligatory five minute wait for the person to come out of their office to come greet you. You try to sit and look interested without looking like a crazy stalker and awkwardly sit so your pants don't fall off. You then have the handshake that probably determines your success of the interview, should you squeeze to hard- done, too soft- done, miss and grab fingers - done. I was taught in grade 5 by Mr. Gunnell how to properly shake a hand. I try to hard but people always grab to soon and squeeze my fingers.

Then you are brought the awkward small-talk walk back to the interview room and hopefully, as mine was today remember that the person you are meeting with initially is really quite nice. Then they ask you questions about your desires for the job and then, all you preparedness is stolen from your brain by evil monkeys that are specifically built to ruin your opportunities in life.

No matter what the questions the monkeys steal all your adjectives and adverbs leaving you with one or two if you are really lucky, and get to repeat yourself over and over with the same two words that aren't really good descriptive words of your actual capabilities.

You take all this time to prepare and research the position, especially when its a pretty good fit for what you want, but then the evil ruining monkeys steal your charisma.

I really wish my interview went better today, however I must admit it was excellent experience and practice even if it didn't go well. Both the people I met with were very nice and should I be chosen for this position despite the brain draining monkeys I would be so excited.

I will be ready for you next time brain draining monkeys... You better watch your hairy backs!

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